It's that time again folks! My assignment from Mama Kat this week goes as follows:
- What do you do that drives your mother crazy?
Oh, let me count the ways.
Word of warning: I do use the n-word in this post just to give you a heads-up.
5...4...3...2...1...
My mom can't stand sarcasm. The fact that I almost perpetually ooze it does not sit well with her. Along with my habit of finishing her sentences when it's something obvious.
"Kendall, can you..."
"Take the trash out for you? Sure."
"I told you not to do that."
I think this may be way I enjoy annoying people so much, I've had years of practice with it.
Whenever I go home to visit, I will do chores. Mainly cooking and cleaning the kitchen. While I do so I will have my iPod playing with my headphones in. For some reason, this drives my mom nuts. Why is something I have not figured out yet.
Me making cracks about her inability to manage time. For years, me and my sister have told her that the reason we are OCD about being on time is because she never was. She can't stand that. The fact that you can probably hear the smirks in our voices doesn't help much.
We don't care.
While my mom likes Eva and adores Daybreak, she doesn't like me dating her as I shouldn't be chained down, especially to someone who has a child. This is the same woman who told me I was too uptight and should get laid when I was about 14. I wish I were joking.
The fact that I was not sure I would vote for Obama pissed her off. Me explaining that, at the time, I had only seen the man speak once at the Democratic Presidential Debates last July so I wasn't sold yet.
That I am so very pro-gay marriage. Note, I said gay marriage and not civil union. She can't stand the fact that I am closer to two lesbians (Rosie and Mami), much less that I consider them my mothers. She has called me ungrateful for this on several ocassions.
She hates the fact that I do not talk to her about my life. That I refuse to trust her. You all, whom I have known 3 months tops, know more about my life than she does.
That I want so badly to be a teacher. My mom is one of the people who subscribe to the saying, "those who can do, those who can't teach." I think she has finally given up trying to convince me to go into another field but has made it clear that her silence is under duress.
That I want nothing to do with my father. She has told me repeatedly that I need some kind of male influence in my life. My reply is always that I have gone 21 years without a dad who gave a damn, I see no reason to change that now.
And on that subject, she also says I am ungrateful as my father stayed with her which was incredibly rare where he came from. I tell her I am grateful. Grateful that he showed me exactly what kind of dad I didn't want to be.
My view on racism. I've met people of every race that I dislike, I see no reason to distrust someone solely on colour. My mom often told me that even though I can be friends with white people I shouldn't trust them. Because at the end of the day, I'm just a nigger. That always ALWAYS bothered me so I rejected that view.
Despite my many issues with her, I still love her.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
What I Know Now: A Letter to Myself (circa 12, 30, 2007)
Dear Kendall,
Hi Kendall, it's me Kendall. Sorry for the weirdness (although you really should be used to it at this point) but I've always wanted to use that line. Figure now would be my best chance.
Right now you are just beginning the road to recovery. You are just starting to deal with Rosie's death and are nowhere close to dealing with Gabi's. You still have nightmares of what you have gone through. You still think of yourself as trash.
But despite all that, you have not broken. You bent but it's like Tinkerbell told us. We're too stubborn to ever let anything break us. You want to be redeemed. You were all ready forgiven, now we just need to forgive ourselves for the wrong we've done.
You have quite the year ahead of you and you are about to meet some of the most wonderful people with some interesting times ahead.
You're going to be a teacher to a group of funny, sweet, mildly exasperating 6 year-olds among whom are a girl who will try and figure out how to make you a pet. A boy who is the first grade's answer to a ladies' man. And a girl who when she grows up, could easily become one of the most influential women in the world.
You're going to learn how to play guitar and in June will play with Pippi in front of a crowd of about 150. No, I'm not shitting you. And you are even going to sing. I'll wait for you to come back to consciousness before continuing.
Awake yet?
Good.
You know those blog things you've heard about? Well after a suggestion from Tink to write down your life story, you start one. Who would want to read it you ask? Quite a few, actually. Not sure how many actually read this. You even read other peoples' and have become friends with some.
You're even going to fall in love with someone again. You all ready know her but you two are about to become close. Her daughter will even begin to see you as her papa and as much as you fight it you'll see her as your own in return. It will start with you two studying for your upcoming psychology class together and then you'll start hanging out. Then in the summer, [Imogen] will duck out of a clubbing adventure as she has grown tired of you dancing around each other.
At this point, you're wondering what happens with Tinkerbell. In fact, I'm willing to put money down on the fact that you are now convinced that you did something to fuck up again. You did not, I promise. You two will go through a dark period over the summer but eventually things will work themselves out. A word of warning now though, do not EVER apologize for her loving you. The results won't be pretty.
We have come a long way, my friend and we still have so very far left to go.
Just remember this: "Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things."
So in closing, chin up. Remember to eat every day, it's hard I know but we are losing weight a bit too quickly. Try not to take the world's problems onto your shoulder, I know you still will as it is ingrained into who we are but I have to try. Accept the happiness in your life, we do deserve it if we merely let ourselves feel. And I will see you in the mirror soon.
The future is looking bright, my friend.
Sincerely,
Kendall, age 20.92
Hi Kendall, it's me Kendall. Sorry for the weirdness (although you really should be used to it at this point) but I've always wanted to use that line. Figure now would be my best chance.
Right now you are just beginning the road to recovery. You are just starting to deal with Rosie's death and are nowhere close to dealing with Gabi's. You still have nightmares of what you have gone through. You still think of yourself as trash.
But despite all that, you have not broken. You bent but it's like Tinkerbell told us. We're too stubborn to ever let anything break us. You want to be redeemed. You were all ready forgiven, now we just need to forgive ourselves for the wrong we've done.
You have quite the year ahead of you and you are about to meet some of the most wonderful people with some interesting times ahead.
You're going to be a teacher to a group of funny, sweet, mildly exasperating 6 year-olds among whom are a girl who will try and figure out how to make you a pet. A boy who is the first grade's answer to a ladies' man. And a girl who when she grows up, could easily become one of the most influential women in the world.
You're going to learn how to play guitar and in June will play with Pippi in front of a crowd of about 150. No, I'm not shitting you. And you are even going to sing. I'll wait for you to come back to consciousness before continuing.
Awake yet?
Good.
You know those blog things you've heard about? Well after a suggestion from Tink to write down your life story, you start one. Who would want to read it you ask? Quite a few, actually. Not sure how many actually read this. You even read other peoples' and have become friends with some.
You're even going to fall in love with someone again. You all ready know her but you two are about to become close. Her daughter will even begin to see you as her papa and as much as you fight it you'll see her as your own in return. It will start with you two studying for your upcoming psychology class together and then you'll start hanging out. Then in the summer, [Imogen] will duck out of a clubbing adventure as she has grown tired of you dancing around each other.
At this point, you're wondering what happens with Tinkerbell. In fact, I'm willing to put money down on the fact that you are now convinced that you did something to fuck up again. You did not, I promise. You two will go through a dark period over the summer but eventually things will work themselves out. A word of warning now though, do not EVER apologize for her loving you. The results won't be pretty.
We have come a long way, my friend and we still have so very far left to go.
Just remember this: "Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things."
So in closing, chin up. Remember to eat every day, it's hard I know but we are losing weight a bit too quickly. Try not to take the world's problems onto your shoulder, I know you still will as it is ingrained into who we are but I have to try. Accept the happiness in your life, we do deserve it if we merely let ourselves feel. And I will see you in the mirror soon.
The future is looking bright, my friend.
Sincerely,
Kendall, age 20.92
Monday, December 29, 2008
The Difference Between Need and Want
So today was a day that I had been looking forward to since I first started on my job back in June. My first day of training as a cook. I had been busing tables long enough that I all ready knew where everything was in the back, it was mainly learning how to prepare each dish. Then at the end of my workday, I got to prepare an order myself. Steak, medium well and a baked potato.
Watching me, The Diva commented that it was like seeing a duck in water for the first time.
I felt a sense of...I suppose accomplishment would be the right word. I like the other cooks. They may be insanely meticulous at times, kind of have to be for what they do, but they're good men and women. And funny as hell. I thought that perhaps I had found my niche.
Then as I was walking towards the bathroom, I saw Dolly and B serving tables and talking with the customers. Smiling at people as they passed by. In that one moment, I felt that I had lost something precious.
I had not talked to customers all day and even though we have the occasional asshat come through, the good ones who smile and chat are what make my day worth it. Losing that interaction hurt. I loved seeing the looks as they would pass on praise for good service to other servers or to the cooks. I loved the banter me and Dolly could go through as we worked our sections. I love the lulls we have in customers where we can actually speak with the people we serve.
I don't want to give that up.
So despite the fact that my wage would have increased about 3 dollars per hour, I am pretty sure I am not meant to be in the back preparing food. I know I am a good cook, and with enough experience perhaps a great one but for now, that is not where I am supposed to be.
I thought I would be making the right choice. I thought I would find myself thinking how glad I was that my time as a server was over. I thought I would be happy.
I'm not.
Sometimes we do get what we want, only to find out we all ready had what we need.
Watching me, The Diva commented that it was like seeing a duck in water for the first time.
I felt a sense of...I suppose accomplishment would be the right word. I like the other cooks. They may be insanely meticulous at times, kind of have to be for what they do, but they're good men and women. And funny as hell. I thought that perhaps I had found my niche.
Then as I was walking towards the bathroom, I saw Dolly and B serving tables and talking with the customers. Smiling at people as they passed by. In that one moment, I felt that I had lost something precious.
I had not talked to customers all day and even though we have the occasional asshat come through, the good ones who smile and chat are what make my day worth it. Losing that interaction hurt. I loved seeing the looks as they would pass on praise for good service to other servers or to the cooks. I loved the banter me and Dolly could go through as we worked our sections. I love the lulls we have in customers where we can actually speak with the people we serve.
I don't want to give that up.
So despite the fact that my wage would have increased about 3 dollars per hour, I am pretty sure I am not meant to be in the back preparing food. I know I am a good cook, and with enough experience perhaps a great one but for now, that is not where I am supposed to be.
I thought I would be making the right choice. I thought I would find myself thinking how glad I was that my time as a server was over. I thought I would be happy.
I'm not.
Sometimes we do get what we want, only to find out we all ready had what we need.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Bienvenido a Los Gemelos Nuevos
You two have no idea how much excitement has surrounded your arrival. It seems like it's been a lot longer than seven months since I found out about you. Now I get to meet you in person instead of talking to your mom's tummy like I did back in May.
As soon as I heard about you two showing up, early I might add, I cleared my schedule for this weekend and fully intend to wake up Friday before dawn and make the 12-plus hour drive to meet you in person. Speaking of being early, are we sure you're Mami's kids? This is the woman who once told me, "I'm never late. I arrive exactly when I mean to."
But I digress.
I can't wait until you two are older and we can really hang out. This is part of why I hate that Mami lives so far away now. I can't see you all as often as I would like but you had best believe that whenever I have the chance, you'll see that green Nissan pull up outside your window. When you're teenagers, maybe you'll just fly down on your own to stay with me while I (try as I may to deny it to your mom) will probably spoil you rotten.
I think I'm entitled.
Oh and I feel sorry for you Little Miss I, because you get me as a big brother figure, and when I want to, I can intimidate people. A skill I intend to use should any boy you deign to date not measure up. But don't worry, I'm pretty sure that will be unnecessary. But before you get excited and assume you're off the hook, I have to burst your bubble. Any boy you date has to deal with Mami first and any one who can pass her scrutiny will pass my muster. Little Mister G, same goes with you and girls. Just pray your mom is NOT the one who gives you the talk.
Next Christmas you two will be close to one year old and I have all ready seen some little Santa hats that would be adorable on you. Your mom and R will have you dressed up as elves, it's amazing how funny that is now that someone else is going to be subjected to that instead of myself. We'll sing songs while you two babble some of the words and generally make everyone's hearts melt around you.
When you two graduate from high school and later college, I will be there. Tissues in one hand and camera in the other. I'll be fit to burst with pride, love, happiness, and just a little bit of sadness. It was bad enough watching Mil graduate from high school, seeing you two walk across that stage will mean you are getting older. That so very much time has passed since the time I saw you as little more than a bump under Mami's shirt.
Your mom, along with her wife, took in a quasi-neglected 8 year-old boy and now a bit over 12 years later has asked that same boy to take on the role of godfather to you two. It meant more than I know how to vocalize just how much that meant to me. Me and Mami have been through a lot, the past year has been full of tears and no small amount of anger but we're passed it now. Here's my first lesson to you, you and your family will fight. It's inevitable. However, don't ever doubt they love you. Any of us would give our right arm for you. And each other for that matter.
One day you'll be grow up, go to school, get jobs, maybe get married, maybe have children of your own. I can only hope that throughout all that you stay true to yourselves, be happy, never become so busy you fail to consider the hearts of others, and most importantly, remember that I love you.
I promise here and now that I will do everything in my power to do right by you both. It seems fitting that your mom taught me to have faith in family and now I get to return the favour to you two. Full circle and all that.
Welcome to the world little ones, it's a brighter place with you in it.
Lovingly yours,
Kendall
P. S. I make no promises about not embarrassing you too much. I will take exorbitant amounts of pictures whenever I see you, I expect a dance with Little Miss I should she ever get married, and childhood stories will be told to any significant other. Sorry kids, it's all part of my job description.
As soon as I heard about you two showing up, early I might add, I cleared my schedule for this weekend and fully intend to wake up Friday before dawn and make the 12-plus hour drive to meet you in person. Speaking of being early, are we sure you're Mami's kids? This is the woman who once told me, "I'm never late. I arrive exactly when I mean to."
But I digress.
I can't wait until you two are older and we can really hang out. This is part of why I hate that Mami lives so far away now. I can't see you all as often as I would like but you had best believe that whenever I have the chance, you'll see that green Nissan pull up outside your window. When you're teenagers, maybe you'll just fly down on your own to stay with me while I (try as I may to deny it to your mom) will probably spoil you rotten.
I think I'm entitled.
Oh and I feel sorry for you Little Miss I, because you get me as a big brother figure, and when I want to, I can intimidate people. A skill I intend to use should any boy you deign to date not measure up. But don't worry, I'm pretty sure that will be unnecessary. But before you get excited and assume you're off the hook, I have to burst your bubble. Any boy you date has to deal with Mami first and any one who can pass her scrutiny will pass my muster. Little Mister G, same goes with you and girls. Just pray your mom is NOT the one who gives you the talk.
Next Christmas you two will be close to one year old and I have all ready seen some little Santa hats that would be adorable on you. Your mom and R will have you dressed up as elves, it's amazing how funny that is now that someone else is going to be subjected to that instead of myself. We'll sing songs while you two babble some of the words and generally make everyone's hearts melt around you.
When you two graduate from high school and later college, I will be there. Tissues in one hand and camera in the other. I'll be fit to burst with pride, love, happiness, and just a little bit of sadness. It was bad enough watching Mil graduate from high school, seeing you two walk across that stage will mean you are getting older. That so very much time has passed since the time I saw you as little more than a bump under Mami's shirt.
Your mom, along with her wife, took in a quasi-neglected 8 year-old boy and now a bit over 12 years later has asked that same boy to take on the role of godfather to you two. It meant more than I know how to vocalize just how much that meant to me. Me and Mami have been through a lot, the past year has been full of tears and no small amount of anger but we're passed it now. Here's my first lesson to you, you and your family will fight. It's inevitable. However, don't ever doubt they love you. Any of us would give our right arm for you. And each other for that matter.
One day you'll be grow up, go to school, get jobs, maybe get married, maybe have children of your own. I can only hope that throughout all that you stay true to yourselves, be happy, never become so busy you fail to consider the hearts of others, and most importantly, remember that I love you.
I promise here and now that I will do everything in my power to do right by you both. It seems fitting that your mom taught me to have faith in family and now I get to return the favour to you two. Full circle and all that.
Welcome to the world little ones, it's a brighter place with you in it.
Lovingly yours,
Kendall
P. S. I make no promises about not embarrassing you too much. I will take exorbitant amounts of pictures whenever I see you, I expect a dance with Little Miss I should she ever get married, and childhood stories will be told to any significant other. Sorry kids, it's all part of my job description.
Soundtrack to Life
It's been a while since I had done a meme. It's open so anyone who wants to do it can. Just comment with a link to your post when you're done.
Here's how it works...Put your iPod or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this is your next category. Keep doing this until the end.
Opening Scene: Savin' Me - Nickelback
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be.
Wake Up Scene: This Is How We Do It - Montell Jordan
This is how we do it, all the hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If you're an O. G. mack or a wanna-be playa
Average Day: What Do Ya Think About That? - Montgomery Gentry
Some people care about what other people think
Worry about what they say
Let a little gossip coming from a loose lip
Ruin a perfect day
1st Date: For Good - Wicked (Original Broadway Cast)
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Falling In Love: If You're Reading This - Tim McGraw
If you're reading this there's gonna come a day
When you move on and find someone else but that's okay
Just remember this I'm in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace and angels sing "Amazing Grace"
Fight Scene: 10,000 Fists - Disturbed
People can no longer cover their eyes
If this disturbs you then walk away
You will remember the night you were struck by the sight of
Ten thousand fists in the air!
Break Up Scene: Wasted - Carrie Underwood
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Back Together: I Believe I Can Fly - R. Kelly
I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
Secret Love: Through Heaven's Eyes - Disney's The Prince of Egypt
If a man lose ev'ry thing he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?
Life's OK: Ready, Set, Don't Go - Billy Ray Cyrus
This is where I don't say
What I want so bad to say
This is where I want to
But I won't get in the way
Of her and her dreams
And spreadin' her wings
Mental Breakdown: Our Town - James Taylor
Main street isn't main street anymore
Lights don't shine as brightly as they shown before
Tell the truth, lights don't shine at all
In our town
Driving: Everyday (Family Reunion) - Chaka Ghan & Gerald Levert
We should speak
From the heart
And let love be the solution
Let us forgive
And put the past away
No time to wait
The time has come to give love everyday
Learning A Lesson: I Can Go The Distance - Disney's Hercules
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
Because a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Deep Thought: Fly Me to The Moon - Frank Sinatra
Fill my heart with love
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
Flashback: Find Yourself - Brad Paisley
Well you go through life, so sure of where you're heading
And you wind up lost and it's the best thing that could have happened
'Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Partying: ABC - Jackson 5
Reading and writing arithmetic
Are the branches of the learning tree
But listen without the root of love, girl
Your education ain't complete
Happy Dance: My Girl - The Temptations
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me
I've got a sweeter song
Than the birds in the trees
Regretting: Black Horse & The Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
Well my heart knows me better than myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking
I come across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a black horse and a cherry tree
Long Night Alone: Behind Those Eyes - Three Doors Down
There's something I can't see
There's something different in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And there's nothing I can say
'Cause I'm never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide
Death Scene: Waitin' On A Woman - Brad Paisley
I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.
Closing Credits: This Is Halloween - Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween
Here's how it works...Put your iPod or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this is your next category. Keep doing this until the end.
Opening Scene: Savin' Me - Nickelback
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be.
Wake Up Scene: This Is How We Do It - Montell Jordan
This is how we do it, all the hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If you're an O. G. mack or a wanna-be playa
Average Day: What Do Ya Think About That? - Montgomery Gentry
Some people care about what other people think
Worry about what they say
Let a little gossip coming from a loose lip
Ruin a perfect day
1st Date: For Good - Wicked (Original Broadway Cast)
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Falling In Love: If You're Reading This - Tim McGraw
If you're reading this there's gonna come a day
When you move on and find someone else but that's okay
Just remember this I'm in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace and angels sing "Amazing Grace"
Fight Scene: 10,000 Fists - Disturbed
People can no longer cover their eyes
If this disturbs you then walk away
You will remember the night you were struck by the sight of
Ten thousand fists in the air!
Break Up Scene: Wasted - Carrie Underwood
I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Back Together: I Believe I Can Fly - R. Kelly
I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
Secret Love: Through Heaven's Eyes - Disney's The Prince of Egypt
If a man lose ev'ry thing he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?
Life's OK: Ready, Set, Don't Go - Billy Ray Cyrus
This is where I don't say
What I want so bad to say
This is where I want to
But I won't get in the way
Of her and her dreams
And spreadin' her wings
Mental Breakdown: Our Town - James Taylor
Main street isn't main street anymore
Lights don't shine as brightly as they shown before
Tell the truth, lights don't shine at all
In our town
Driving: Everyday (Family Reunion) - Chaka Ghan & Gerald Levert
We should speak
From the heart
And let love be the solution
Let us forgive
And put the past away
No time to wait
The time has come to give love everyday
Learning A Lesson: I Can Go The Distance - Disney's Hercules
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
Because a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Deep Thought: Fly Me to The Moon - Frank Sinatra
Fill my heart with love
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
Flashback: Find Yourself - Brad Paisley
Well you go through life, so sure of where you're heading
And you wind up lost and it's the best thing that could have happened
'Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Partying: ABC - Jackson 5
Reading and writing arithmetic
Are the branches of the learning tree
But listen without the root of love, girl
Your education ain't complete
Happy Dance: My Girl - The Temptations
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me
I've got a sweeter song
Than the birds in the trees
Regretting: Black Horse & The Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
Well my heart knows me better than myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking
I come across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a black horse and a cherry tree
Long Night Alone: Behind Those Eyes - Three Doors Down
There's something I can't see
There's something different in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And there's nothing I can say
'Cause I'm never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide
Death Scene: Waitin' On A Woman - Brad Paisley
I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.
Closing Credits: This Is Halloween - Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween
Saturday, December 27, 2008
To Mr. Kris Kringle, A Thank You
Dear Santa,
I know, I know. You must be wondering why I'm writing again when I just wrote that letter earlier in the week. Well since I just posted about appreciated things while you still have them I would feel remiss if I did not thank you.
Me and Eva have had several long talk and as of approx. 6 PM today, we are back together. I spent part of Christmas morning with her and Daybreak before heading to The Godmother's and later on in the day at her mom's who then insisted I stay for a while.
I found myself started to question if I was right during the summer. If needing people was only inviting trouble. But I would like to think I have felt all I have just to prove that my younger self was wrong. That I cannot make it through life without others. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't miserable.
Now seeing as how Mami will be giving birth soon, I can only pray that you make it two for two.
Humbly yours,
Kendall
I know, I know. You must be wondering why I'm writing again when I just wrote that letter earlier in the week. Well since I just posted about appreciated things while you still have them I would feel remiss if I did not thank you.
Me and Eva have had several long talk and as of approx. 6 PM today, we are back together. I spent part of Christmas morning with her and Daybreak before heading to The Godmother's and later on in the day at her mom's who then insisted I stay for a while.
I found myself started to question if I was right during the summer. If needing people was only inviting trouble. But I would like to think I have felt all I have just to prove that my younger self was wrong. That I cannot make it through life without others. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't miserable.
Now seeing as how Mami will be giving birth soon, I can only pray that you make it two for two.
Humbly yours,
Kendall
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Small Points of Light
Thanks for the comments, Fbook messages, and emails in response to my last post folks, you have no idea how much I appreciated them.
I spent the weekend and Monday in Delaware with my family for my grandmére's
surprise birthday party. I saw my cousins and aunts who I normally see only once a year, I came down with a slight cold, I watched the Ravens whoop on the Cowboys, and I have a scar on my fingers from playing so much pool. All in all, it was a blast.
Yesterday was filled with doing my last round of Christmas shopping, playing with my puppy, and then meeting The Spawn at a bar in Raleigh where we spent the night hanging out with his friends, trying to get one of his friends a date, laughing at our incredibly intoxicated friend, and in general just goofing off. I had never been to this bar or any other, I've been to plenty of clubs sure but never to a bar. Must say that I enjoyed that experience.
I am supposed to be meeting Eva today as she asked me to come by sometime this evening. For what purpose exactly, I don't know yet but I am trying not to have a panic attack thinking about the possible outcome. Fingers crossed, kids.
But now I need to head to the grocery store since I am cooking my friends breakfast this morning. Rachel Ray and Paula Dean really are my therapists. Hmm, wonder what they charge by the hour?
Last but not least, if you are in the Raleigh area tonight around 7 or 8 and you see a group of people wearing Santa hats then look sharp, because one of them is most likely myself.
A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!
I spent the weekend and Monday in Delaware with my family for my grandmére's
surprise birthday party. I saw my cousins and aunts who I normally see only once a year, I came down with a slight cold, I watched the Ravens whoop on the Cowboys, and I have a scar on my fingers from playing so much pool. All in all, it was a blast.
Yesterday was filled with doing my last round of Christmas shopping, playing with my puppy, and then meeting The Spawn at a bar in Raleigh where we spent the night hanging out with his friends, trying to get one of his friends a date, laughing at our incredibly intoxicated friend, and in general just goofing off. I had never been to this bar or any other, I've been to plenty of clubs sure but never to a bar. Must say that I enjoyed that experience.
I am supposed to be meeting Eva today as she asked me to come by sometime this evening. For what purpose exactly, I don't know yet but I am trying not to have a panic attack thinking about the possible outcome. Fingers crossed, kids.
But now I need to head to the grocery store since I am cooking my friends breakfast this morning. Rachel Ray and Paula Dean really are my therapists. Hmm, wonder what they charge by the hour?
Last but not least, if you are in the Raleigh area tonight around 7 or 8 and you see a group of people wearing Santa hats then look sharp, because one of them is most likely myself.
A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!
Friday, December 19, 2008
On Appreciation
You never know quite what you have until it's gone. I thought I had all ready learned that lesson last year, really DID NOT need the remedial course.
I remember being afraid of Eva developing feelings for me, thinking I did not deserve a second chance. That she could do so much better.
I remember feeling terrified and simultaneously amazed that Daybreak would adopt me as her dad and that I would come to think of her as my own.
Slowly but surely, these two carved out a home in my heart. So when Eva told me we should stop seeing each other, it was like my world stopped. My heart pounded and my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend why.
Yet despite how horrible I felt and still do, I almost hissed a negative response when asked if I regretted dating her in first place.
From her using my legs as a pillow while we studied, to picnic lunches in the park and lazing the day away playing, to the days I would keep an eye on Daybreak while Eva worked, to teasing each other like a family would, the past seven months have been some of the happiest of my life and I would not trade them.
One of my greatest fears was that I would do something to screw up this relationship. In the irony that seems to govern my life at times, I did too well trying to prove I could do right by someone and Eva broke up with me before we got too close for lasting damage.
My simple response was, "it's too late for that hun."
So Internet, I turn to you in my time of need. Especially those of who you are single parents or have dated them.
Is it OK to be selfish and want this to work even after she broke up with me? Or should I just try and be her friend? I'm at a lost here as I want so badly to just say screw it and kiss her senseless the next time I see her. I probably won't (not saying never as I know how my emotions take over at times) but it won't be for lack of desire to.
I know when to admit that I'm in over my head. Now is most definitely one of those times.
I remember being afraid of Eva developing feelings for me, thinking I did not deserve a second chance. That she could do so much better.
I remember feeling terrified and simultaneously amazed that Daybreak would adopt me as her dad and that I would come to think of her as my own.
Slowly but surely, these two carved out a home in my heart. So when Eva told me we should stop seeing each other, it was like my world stopped. My heart pounded and my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend why.
Yet despite how horrible I felt and still do, I almost hissed a negative response when asked if I regretted dating her in first place.
From her using my legs as a pillow while we studied, to picnic lunches in the park and lazing the day away playing, to the days I would keep an eye on Daybreak while Eva worked, to teasing each other like a family would, the past seven months have been some of the happiest of my life and I would not trade them.
One of my greatest fears was that I would do something to screw up this relationship. In the irony that seems to govern my life at times, I did too well trying to prove I could do right by someone and Eva broke up with me before we got too close for lasting damage.
My simple response was, "it's too late for that hun."
So Internet, I turn to you in my time of need. Especially those of who you are single parents or have dated them.
Is it OK to be selfish and want this to work even after she broke up with me? Or should I just try and be her friend? I'm at a lost here as I want so badly to just say screw it and kiss her senseless the next time I see her. I probably won't (not saying never as I know how my emotions take over at times) but it won't be for lack of desire to.
I know when to admit that I'm in over my head. Now is most definitely one of those times.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday Workshop: My Christmas Wishlist
Sorry for the serious lack of posting as of late folks, between trying to do well on my exams on top of the...well, the end of me and Eva's relationship my heart hasn't really been set on blogging. So hopefully this week's assignment from Mama Kat will improve my mood some.
1.) Write or share a letter to Santa
5...4...3...2...1...
Dear Santa,
I must first apologize for the long communications blackout. I lost my faith in your magic when I was 6 and I suppose I'm trying to find it again. I would like to hope you remember the kid who along with his little sister would leave you a PB & J sandwich along with a mug of chilled milk. After all, you have to know the address of every little kid in the world, so I figure it's not too much a long shot.
Normally this would be the part where I tell you what I want for Christmas. I'm a tad bit old for toys despite the saying about "boys and their toys", although I have to be honest and admit that a Macbook would not be unappreciated.
What I want can be summed up in two items:
One, I want Mami to go through a safe and successful labour and for Los Gemelos Nuevos to be born as a healthy little boy and girl. She has lost too much as is and I want my little brother and sister/godchildren to grow up, be happy in what they do, and give me nieces and nephews to spoil.
Two, and I know this one is a biggie, I want to be able to keep my promise to Daybreak and see her on Christmas. Consider it my last request as her father figure.
If I can have those two things then I would be entirely satisfied Mr. Kringle.
Please and Thank You,
Kendall A.
1.) Write or share a letter to Santa
5...4...3...2...1...
Dear Santa,
I must first apologize for the long communications blackout. I lost my faith in your magic when I was 6 and I suppose I'm trying to find it again. I would like to hope you remember the kid who along with his little sister would leave you a PB & J sandwich along with a mug of chilled milk. After all, you have to know the address of every little kid in the world, so I figure it's not too much a long shot.
Normally this would be the part where I tell you what I want for Christmas. I'm a tad bit old for toys despite the saying about "boys and their toys", although I have to be honest and admit that a Macbook would not be unappreciated.
What I want can be summed up in two items:
One, I want Mami to go through a safe and successful labour and for Los Gemelos Nuevos to be born as a healthy little boy and girl. She has lost too much as is and I want my little brother and sister/godchildren to grow up, be happy in what they do, and give me nieces and nephews to spoil.
Two, and I know this one is a biggie, I want to be able to keep my promise to Daybreak and see her on Christmas. Consider it my last request as her father figure.
If I can have those two things then I would be entirely satisfied Mr. Kringle.
Please and Thank You,
Kendall A.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Her Christmas Wish
Before I tell this story, I need to give you folks a bit of background info about Daybreak's shall we say...suspicious nature. She has been asking if Santa Claus is really real since yesterday when one of the kids she goes to preschool with made her cry by yelling at her that there was no such person. Little brat. So when she asked if we could go to the mall for her to see Santa we were, needless to say, a bit surprised and a bit more confused. You would think we knew by now that we were in for craziness.
With my fingers slightly numb -- from shopping bags, not the weather -- me and Eva watched as Daybreak tentatively approached her goal. I would not have been surprised to find little beads of sweat peppered across her forehead. She stopped a few feet short and wide green eyes turned to me and her mom with a classic deer-in-the-headlights expression. She shook her head and ran back into Eva's legs.
Eva: "What's wrong Daybreak?"
Daybreak: "I'm scared."
Me: "Of what?"
Daybreak: *mumbles*
Eva: "Speak up, I can't hear you when you talk into your coat."
Daybreak: "What if...what if he doesn't like me?"
Me: "He's Santa Sweetie, if he liked me as a kid then you are a shoe in for the nice list."
Daybreak: "Really?"
Me: "Cross my heart and hope to drink milk."
Daybreak: "I believe you. OK, I am going to talk to Santa."
She frowns in determination and strides forward, looking as if she were marching to war instead of telling the mall Santa what she wanted for Christmas. Me and Eva can't look at each other because we know we'd crack up laughing if that happened.
Santa: "So little miss, have you been a good girl this year?"
Daybreak: "I think so. Although my mommy says I'm per--pre--precoash..."
Santa: "Precocious?"
Daybreak: "Yes! Wow you're smart Santa."
Santa: "Why thank you."
Daybreak: "You're welcome. So since I've been good does that mean I get to tell you what I want?"
Santa: "Yes I do believe it does."
Daybreak: "Goody. I only have one thing to ask you for..."
And this point she leans into his ear and starts whispering while looking back at us every few moments. Finally, she gets off his lap and heads over to mingle with the group of kids playing and sucking on free candy canes. Seeing as how Daybreak was the last child at the moment, the Santa waved us over.
Santa: "Do you know what she wanted?"
Eva: "Considering how she kept looking back at us, I'm assuming we're involved somehow. But for the life of me, I don't know."
Me: "Me neither."
Santa: "She told me that all she wanted was for her 'Mommy' and 'Papa', you two, to be with her on Christmas morning. She told me that if that happened, then she knew I really must be real."
Me: "Since we planned on being together for Christmas that is no problem."
Santa: "Good. Listen I've done this for about 15 years and I've talked to a lot of kids. The ones who don't want some new toy or the like are few and far between. Don't disappoint her."
Eva: "We won't. Merry Christmas Santa."
Me: "Merry Christmas Mr. Kringle."
Santa: "And a merry Christmas to you both as well. Remember, 'he knows.'"
With my fingers slightly numb -- from shopping bags, not the weather -- me and Eva watched as Daybreak tentatively approached her goal. I would not have been surprised to find little beads of sweat peppered across her forehead. She stopped a few feet short and wide green eyes turned to me and her mom with a classic deer-in-the-headlights expression. She shook her head and ran back into Eva's legs.
Eva: "What's wrong Daybreak?"
Daybreak: "I'm scared."
Me: "Of what?"
Daybreak: *mumbles*
Eva: "Speak up, I can't hear you when you talk into your coat."
Daybreak: "What if...what if he doesn't like me?"
Me: "He's Santa Sweetie, if he liked me as a kid then you are a shoe in for the nice list."
Daybreak: "Really?"
Me: "Cross my heart and hope to drink milk."
Daybreak: "I believe you. OK, I am going to talk to Santa."
She frowns in determination and strides forward, looking as if she were marching to war instead of telling the mall Santa what she wanted for Christmas. Me and Eva can't look at each other because we know we'd crack up laughing if that happened.
Santa: "So little miss, have you been a good girl this year?"
Daybreak: "I think so. Although my mommy says I'm per--pre--precoash..."
Santa: "Precocious?"
Daybreak: "Yes! Wow you're smart Santa."
Santa: "Why thank you."
Daybreak: "You're welcome. So since I've been good does that mean I get to tell you what I want?"
Santa: "Yes I do believe it does."
Daybreak: "Goody. I only have one thing to ask you for..."
And this point she leans into his ear and starts whispering while looking back at us every few moments. Finally, she gets off his lap and heads over to mingle with the group of kids playing and sucking on free candy canes. Seeing as how Daybreak was the last child at the moment, the Santa waved us over.
Santa: "Do you know what she wanted?"
Eva: "Considering how she kept looking back at us, I'm assuming we're involved somehow. But for the life of me, I don't know."
Me: "Me neither."
Santa: "She told me that all she wanted was for her 'Mommy' and 'Papa', you two, to be with her on Christmas morning. She told me that if that happened, then she knew I really must be real."
Me: "Since we planned on being together for Christmas that is no problem."
Santa: "Good. Listen I've done this for about 15 years and I've talked to a lot of kids. The ones who don't want some new toy or the like are few and far between. Don't disappoint her."
Eva: "We won't. Merry Christmas Santa."
Me: "Merry Christmas Mr. Kringle."
Santa: "And a merry Christmas to you both as well. Remember, 'he knows.'"
Wednesday Workshop: Why I So Often Describe Myself As A Failure
It's that time again, my freaky darlings. My prompt this week goes as follows:
3.) Describe a "new road" you've taken in your life.
Originally I was going to do the "talking mouse" prompt but that's kind of taken a life all its own. So this is a tide-over so to speak. I promise to put up my short story once it's finished.
5...4...3...2...1...
------------------------
I have often said that I feel college has made me dumber but most people don't realize how little I am exaggerating that statement.
In January/February of my senior year of high school, I received a letter from the University of Florida offering me a full scholarship. Needless to say I jumped on it. I arrived not knowing a soul and by the time November rolled around, it had become my home. As an old friend put it, "Florida was my home, North Carolina was just where I grew up."
However, I was struggling to pass one class and was averaging a low C in another, my other twp classes I was coasting with a low B. Knowing my average could handle a C much more than it could a failing grade, I skipped a review section and end up missing the announcement about a change in final exam time to study for the class I was afraid to fail.
I missed that final and thus failed that class. The one dim ray of light was that maybe my hard work had paid off and I managed to scrape a passing grade in the one I studied my ass for. No dice. About a week later, I receive a letter dismissing for poor academic achievement.
I applied for readmission that spring. Denied. And right after spring break, had to move out of the dorm. I had told no one about this so when that time came I made a decision and started my brief stint as a homeless person.
I'm not going to go into all the details because I'm still too ashamed to talk about it as only Tinkerbell and Eva know everything about those days. All I will say is that this period ended with me being arrested for vagrancy.
I came back to North Carolina, sick with guilt, at least mildly traumatized, and with only a promise not to do so keeping me from ending my life. I am completely serious when I state that Tinkerbell saved me back then.
So come January, I took about 17 hours of community college classes in attempts to be readmitted to UF. However, the past year had taught me to always have a backup plan and a backup for that backup and applied to the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill as well as several other schools just in case. It was during one of those community college classes that I became friends with Eva.
Because of my distraction from studying for midterms that I failed to doublecheck whether my transcripts had been sent to UF in time for the cutoff date. The word 'failure' seems to be pathetically common in my life.
However I was admitted to UNC and began making plans to share an apartment with the Bait come May. My educational life was finally getting back on track. But there was a serious snag in regards to my personal life.
But that story has largely been told here and here.
I can't believe I even admitted to half of this. I can't but feel like I have some rather pointed comments coming my way. All I can say to those who wish to do so is that you cannot say anything, and I mean anything, that I had not thought to myself multiple times over.
I am proud to admit though that I've maintained at least a 3.6 for the past three semesters (including the summer) and am on track to graduate on time in the spring of 2010.
I've come a long way from where I was this time last year. But at least I know who I am and what I am capable of now. Most importantly, I'm happy with that knowledge.
3.) Describe a "new road" you've taken in your life.
Originally I was going to do the "talking mouse" prompt but that's kind of taken a life all its own. So this is a tide-over so to speak. I promise to put up my short story once it's finished.
5...4...3...2...1...
------------------------
I have often said that I feel college has made me dumber but most people don't realize how little I am exaggerating that statement.
In January/February of my senior year of high school, I received a letter from the University of Florida offering me a full scholarship. Needless to say I jumped on it. I arrived not knowing a soul and by the time November rolled around, it had become my home. As an old friend put it, "Florida was my home, North Carolina was just where I grew up."
However, I was struggling to pass one class and was averaging a low C in another, my other twp classes I was coasting with a low B. Knowing my average could handle a C much more than it could a failing grade, I skipped a review section and end up missing the announcement about a change in final exam time to study for the class I was afraid to fail.
I missed that final and thus failed that class. The one dim ray of light was that maybe my hard work had paid off and I managed to scrape a passing grade in the one I studied my ass for. No dice. About a week later, I receive a letter dismissing for poor academic achievement.
I applied for readmission that spring. Denied. And right after spring break, had to move out of the dorm. I had told no one about this so when that time came I made a decision and started my brief stint as a homeless person.
I'm not going to go into all the details because I'm still too ashamed to talk about it as only Tinkerbell and Eva know everything about those days. All I will say is that this period ended with me being arrested for vagrancy.
I came back to North Carolina, sick with guilt, at least mildly traumatized, and with only a promise not to do so keeping me from ending my life. I am completely serious when I state that Tinkerbell saved me back then.
So come January, I took about 17 hours of community college classes in attempts to be readmitted to UF. However, the past year had taught me to always have a backup plan and a backup for that backup and applied to the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill as well as several other schools just in case. It was during one of those community college classes that I became friends with Eva.
Because of my distraction from studying for midterms that I failed to doublecheck whether my transcripts had been sent to UF in time for the cutoff date. The word 'failure' seems to be pathetically common in my life.
However I was admitted to UNC and began making plans to share an apartment with the Bait come May. My educational life was finally getting back on track. But there was a serious snag in regards to my personal life.
But that story has largely been told here and here.
I can't believe I even admitted to half of this. I can't but feel like I have some rather pointed comments coming my way. All I can say to those who wish to do so is that you cannot say anything, and I mean anything, that I had not thought to myself multiple times over.
I am proud to admit though that I've maintained at least a 3.6 for the past three semesters (including the summer) and am on track to graduate on time in the spring of 2010.
I've come a long way from where I was this time last year. But at least I know who I am and what I am capable of now. Most importantly, I'm happy with that knowledge.
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Disneyfication of Christianity? Nah.
What does Christmas mean to you?
Well in my case,
Christmas is...
So what does Christmas mean for you folks?
Well in my case,
Christmas is...
- singing carols with breaks for hot chocolate and hot apple cider
- watching the excitement of a young child as they loudly thank Santa for his yearly bounty
- enjoying the chaos that surrounds the shopping centers and malls.
- reading these words to young ones, "...and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse."
- deciding what decorations should adorn the tree this year.
- the smell of freshly baked gingerbread trees.
- making a mouth-watering meal for Christmas.
- the pit-pat of little feet rushing to presents.
- snuggling under a blanket with a loved one.
- walking down the street and taking in all the decorations from nativity scenes to lights as far as the eye can see.
- leaving a plate of cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas Eve.
- curling up on the couch to watch It's A Wonderful Life, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, and A Christmas Story.
- going to sleep early and then waking up at dawn on Christmas morning to open presents, even years after you stop believing in Santa.
- remembering the nervousness that characterized the wait between your letter to the North Pole and Christmas as you pondered your fate- were you naughty or nice?
- remembering when you yourself were small and you would sit in the lap of a mall Santa, a long wishlist on the tip of your tongue.
- the smile that lights your face the first time the tree is lit.
- being wrapped up in loved ones and them being wrapped up in you.
So what does Christmas mean for you folks?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I Just Wanna Get Off
And in my typical fashion, I caught the innuendo as soon as I typed that.
Ahem, anywho. For those that have been reading my blog, I'm sorry that I haven't been up to snuff lately. I've come down with a bad case of LIFE recently. The doctors are still unsure whether or not it is terminal.
Don't feel like I'm singling you out blogging friends, I've been largely MIA from Fbook, AIM, and Twitter for a while. With all I have going on right now, my internet life has suffered. Hopefully the load will ease up shortly.
With the semester ending in two weeks, professors have got the bright idea to load us down with work on top of the studying needing for final exams. Two research papers, a drama production, a final in Bio lab, and then four final exams.
Were this not enough, I got the bright idea in my head to work 35 hour weeks from the week before Thanksgiving until classes start back up in January. I want to crawl in a hole and die.
I don't eat. I'm barely sleeping. And as I was shaving this morning, I found 3 grey hairs in my goatee. GREY?! I know that with the cold weather I have to use my cane at times but seriously. I'm too young for this shit.
A panic attack is imminent. I can just feel it creeping closer until I'm in full meltdown mode.
Sorry for the mini-rant folks, I promise that I will be back soon with something much more positive. Either the letters to Santa my students are writing or something equally...holiday-esque.
Happy trails!
Ahem, anywho. For those that have been reading my blog, I'm sorry that I haven't been up to snuff lately. I've come down with a bad case of LIFE recently. The doctors are still unsure whether or not it is terminal.
Don't feel like I'm singling you out blogging friends, I've been largely MIA from Fbook, AIM, and Twitter for a while. With all I have going on right now, my internet life has suffered. Hopefully the load will ease up shortly.
With the semester ending in two weeks, professors have got the bright idea to load us down with work on top of the studying needing for final exams. Two research papers, a drama production, a final in Bio lab, and then four final exams.
Were this not enough, I got the bright idea in my head to work 35 hour weeks from the week before Thanksgiving until classes start back up in January. I want to crawl in a hole and die.
I don't eat. I'm barely sleeping. And as I was shaving this morning, I found 3 grey hairs in my goatee. GREY?! I know that with the cold weather I have to use my cane at times but seriously. I'm too young for this shit.
A panic attack is imminent. I can just feel it creeping closer until I'm in full meltdown mode.
Sorry for the mini-rant folks, I promise that I will be back soon with something much more positive. Either the letters to Santa my students are writing or something equally...holiday-esque.
Happy trails!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The Odd Duck's 100...Greatest Movies (Part II)
Recap: Part I
Y'all still with me? Good good. So here we are with films 90 through 81.
90. Barbershop (2002)
Featuring a star studded cast of comedians Barbershop is the story of a man who after selling the shop he inherited for his father learns that some things in life are more important than easy money. When this came up, my uncle's barber shop played it almost nonstop for a month so I can now quote it by heart.
89. Independence Day (1996)
The movie that fully launched Will Smith's acting career. Another movie that I can easily quote line-for-line. Two unlikely heroes emerge after an alien invasion wipes out the major cities of Earth and humanity must race against time or face extinction.
88. The Green Mile (1999)
Whereas most Stephen King adaptations make people scream or cringe in fright, this is the one that comes to mind that I have seen viewers cry over. This heartbreaking story follows a correction officer working on Death Row and the various inmates, including one who seems to be Divinely touched. This movie also introduced me to Michael Clarke Duncan and my first thought was..."this man is huge."
87. Mean Girls (2004)
As someone who had mostly female friends, some of whom would have been considered the populars, I watched this movie kind of hit home. This story of a formerly homeschooled student taking on the deliciously evil Queen Bee of the school was hilarious. This is one of Eva's favourite teen movies as she can impersonate the antagonist's mannerisms and voice near perfectly. Side note, I didn't realize until the election that this had Tina Fey in it.
86. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
The last of the life-action Star Wars films to be produced and the only one I went to the midnight showing for. This is the one we had all been waiting for as Darth Vader was born. The best part of this movie? I'll give you some clues: he's green, he's short, and he's the epitome of badass old man.
85. Fried Green Tomatoes
This is the touching and hilarious story of two women in love (best friends in the film) in Alabama as they help each other through each trial to face them. I know it's a chick flick but I'll just chalk this up as one of my guilty pleasures. If you've seen the movie and have been paying attention to my blog, you'll recognize two of the names.
84. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)
Great action, quality dialogue, and some of the most catchy music ever, this is the movie that cemented me as a Tarantino fan. This is the story of one woman's revenge as she tracks down the assassins who killed her, her soon-to-be husband, her baby, and her wedding party.
83. Frankenstein (1931)
Billed as a horror movie, I always saw this as more of a tragedy. Frankenstein's monster strikes me as the hero of the film with the mob and Dr. Frankenstein as the villains. Also I will admit that I cannot watch the drowning scene without wanting to cry. Sniff.
82. Spaceballs (1987)
An utterly hilarious parody of sci-fi films such as Star Wars, this movie was a staple of my film education. I can't accurately describe this one without giving things away. Hehe, Lord Dark Helmet.
81. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
A Disneyfication of Victor Hugo's classic novel, Quasimodo is a disfigured and greatly sheltered bell ringer who must save his new friend from the man who "raised" him. After watching this movie, ask yourself: "What makes a monster and what makes a man?"
Part III will be up soon folks as we continue counting down towards Number 1.
Happy trails!
Y'all still with me? Good good. So here we are with films 90 through 81.
90. Barbershop (2002)
Featuring a star studded cast of comedians Barbershop is the story of a man who after selling the shop he inherited for his father learns that some things in life are more important than easy money. When this came up, my uncle's barber shop played it almost nonstop for a month so I can now quote it by heart.
89. Independence Day (1996)
The movie that fully launched Will Smith's acting career. Another movie that I can easily quote line-for-line. Two unlikely heroes emerge after an alien invasion wipes out the major cities of Earth and humanity must race against time or face extinction.
88. The Green Mile (1999)
Whereas most Stephen King adaptations make people scream or cringe in fright, this is the one that comes to mind that I have seen viewers cry over. This heartbreaking story follows a correction officer working on Death Row and the various inmates, including one who seems to be Divinely touched. This movie also introduced me to Michael Clarke Duncan and my first thought was..."this man is huge."
87. Mean Girls (2004)
As someone who had mostly female friends, some of whom would have been considered the populars, I watched this movie kind of hit home. This story of a formerly homeschooled student taking on the deliciously evil Queen Bee of the school was hilarious. This is one of Eva's favourite teen movies as she can impersonate the antagonist's mannerisms and voice near perfectly. Side note, I didn't realize until the election that this had Tina Fey in it.
86. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
The last of the life-action Star Wars films to be produced and the only one I went to the midnight showing for. This is the one we had all been waiting for as Darth Vader was born. The best part of this movie? I'll give you some clues: he's green, he's short, and he's the epitome of badass old man.
85. Fried Green Tomatoes
This is the touching and hilarious story of two women in love (best friends in the film) in Alabama as they help each other through each trial to face them. I know it's a chick flick but I'll just chalk this up as one of my guilty pleasures. If you've seen the movie and have been paying attention to my blog, you'll recognize two of the names.
84. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)
Great action, quality dialogue, and some of the most catchy music ever, this is the movie that cemented me as a Tarantino fan. This is the story of one woman's revenge as she tracks down the assassins who killed her, her soon-to-be husband, her baby, and her wedding party.
83. Frankenstein (1931)
Billed as a horror movie, I always saw this as more of a tragedy. Frankenstein's monster strikes me as the hero of the film with the mob and Dr. Frankenstein as the villains. Also I will admit that I cannot watch the drowning scene without wanting to cry. Sniff.
82. Spaceballs (1987)
An utterly hilarious parody of sci-fi films such as Star Wars, this movie was a staple of my film education. I can't accurately describe this one without giving things away. Hehe, Lord Dark Helmet.
81. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
A Disneyfication of Victor Hugo's classic novel, Quasimodo is a disfigured and greatly sheltered bell ringer who must save his new friend from the man who "raised" him. After watching this movie, ask yourself: "What makes a monster and what makes a man?"
Part III will be up soon folks as we continue counting down towards Number 1.
Happy trails!
Wednesday Workshop: Dolly Hearts Ramses
It's that time again folks. My assignment from Mama Kat this week goes as follows:
1.) Tag! Post and write about the 6th picture from (the 6th folder of?) your Flickr account and then do the same for the 6th picture of the 6th folder on your computer.
5...4...3...2...1...
This is a picture of Dolly posing with Ramses before the last football game against Duke.
I had yet to actually go to one so me, her, and Scarlett met Eva in the Duke section. That was awesome, especially the reactions we got when people noticed we were decked out in UNC paraphernalia.
Duke fan: I think you're in the wrong section.
Scarlett: No, you just went to the wrong school.
Eva: (head in her hands) I don't know these people.
Good times indeed.
By the way, we won that game 28-20. GO HEELS!
1.) Tag! Post and write about the 6th picture from (the 6th folder of?) your Flickr account and then do the same for the 6th picture of the 6th folder on your computer.
5...4...3...2...1...
This is a picture of Dolly posing with Ramses before the last football game against Duke.
I had yet to actually go to one so me, her, and Scarlett met Eva in the Duke section. That was awesome, especially the reactions we got when people noticed we were decked out in UNC paraphernalia.
Duke fan: I think you're in the wrong section.
Scarlett: No, you just went to the wrong school.
Eva: (head in her hands) I don't know these people.
Good times indeed.
By the way, we won that game 28-20. GO HEELS!
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Odd Duck's 100...Greatest Movies
Over the holiday, I was tasked by Eva's older sister to name my top 10 favourite films of all time. I won't lie, I struggled like hell and still wasn't satisfied with the list I came up with. Like always, my perfectionism has reared its ugly head and for your viewing pleasure I will list my 100 most enjoyed films...along with commentary. So sit back. Relax. And enjoy.
A word of warning, this list is HIGHLY subjective and you're more than likely going to disagree. Remember this is all in fun.
100. Hellraiser (1987)
I first saw this film when I was about 7 or 8 during a Thanksgiving trip to New Jersey to see my grandparents. Within the first few minutes of his appearance, Pinhead was one of my favourite movie monsters plus the idea of killer sentient chains was freaky. Even now, I will pull out my VHS copy if I want a good horror movie to watch. Side note, since watching this movie Clive Barker has become one of my favourite authors. Next time you pick up an innocent toy, ask yourself, is it really innocent?
99. The Secret of NIMH (1982)
Another favourite from my childhood, this movie follows the journey of the widowed Mrs. Brisby as she discovers her husband's past as a lab experiement. Easily some of the best storytelling I have seen in an animated film, this movie is one for the ages. Although I must admit that seeing Nicodemus and his glowing eyes gave me nightmares. If you enjoy Don Bleuth's works, then I urge you to give this film a look-see.
98. Princess Diaries (2001)
The movie that introduced me to Anne Hathaway and featuring the fabulous Julie Andrews (Sound of Music, Mary Poppins). Mia is a high school girl who is a fellow "odd duck" until she discovers that she is actually the heir to the throne of Genovia. A rather lighthearted comedy, it is a great teen film. Don't think so? "Shut. Up."
97. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
The debut film of Quentin Tarantino, it was what first got me into the gangster genre in the first place. Filled with pop culture references, quotable dialogue, excessive profanity, and Tarantino's trademark nonlinear storytelling. Highly recommended for any fan of action movies.
96. Big Momma's House (2000)
Growing up as a fan of Martin's eponymous show, this movie was a must-see for my family. We laughed until we cried. Between the basketball and baby delivery scene, the laughs never really stopped. I remember during the church scene at the end, the theater was on their feet clapping along. Good times indeed.
95. Jerry Maguire (1996)
The dramedy from Tom Cruise, Renée Zellweger and Cuba Gooding Jr. about a sports agent and his pro football client. Featuring a very young Jonathan Lipnicki. This movie, even if it was crappy, would have made it to the list for this one scene:
94. Lucas (1986)
The tale of an extremely intelligent and equally nerdy high school freshman, Lucas remains to this day one of the few movies that can make me cry. When I first watched this I was scared it was going to end like Carrie (sans telekinesis) or a suicide, instead I watched as the same teenagers who tormented our hero throughout accepted him after one of the most daring stunts I've ever seen. He wants so badly to be accepted and when it happens...manly tears. Side note, scope out the young Charlie Sheen and Winona Ryder.
93. Big Fish (2003)
Hailed as Tim Burton's masterpiece, this easily made my list. Told from the prespective of a dying father as his son tries to uncover his dad's life (filled with fantastic events) and comes to realize that storytelling was indeed his finest achievement. A truly brilliant and inspiring film.
92. Boondock Saints (1999)
This one I actually learned about from Mass, as it was criticized for its potrayal of Catholicism. Curious, I rented it and loved it from the get-go. Fraternal twins go on a Divinely inspired killing spree as they (along with a mob-connected friend) clean up the streets of Boston. And of course, we can't forget the cat.
91. Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
The first musical I ever saw and it remains one of my favourites to this day. As someone who grew up gardening, that isn't all that surprising. I think this is also the first time I saw Steve Martin (not sure if I had seen Father of the Bride yet) and he scared the hell out of me. Because of this movie, I was terrified of any dentist with black hair until I was about 9.
Well folks, that's it for today. I'll be back with movies 90-81 as we continue counting down toward number one.
Stay tuned.
A word of warning, this list is HIGHLY subjective and you're more than likely going to disagree. Remember this is all in fun.
100. Hellraiser (1987)
I first saw this film when I was about 7 or 8 during a Thanksgiving trip to New Jersey to see my grandparents. Within the first few minutes of his appearance, Pinhead was one of my favourite movie monsters plus the idea of killer sentient chains was freaky. Even now, I will pull out my VHS copy if I want a good horror movie to watch. Side note, since watching this movie Clive Barker has become one of my favourite authors. Next time you pick up an innocent toy, ask yourself, is it really innocent?
99. The Secret of NIMH (1982)
Another favourite from my childhood, this movie follows the journey of the widowed Mrs. Brisby as she discovers her husband's past as a lab experiement. Easily some of the best storytelling I have seen in an animated film, this movie is one for the ages. Although I must admit that seeing Nicodemus and his glowing eyes gave me nightmares. If you enjoy Don Bleuth's works, then I urge you to give this film a look-see.
98. Princess Diaries (2001)
The movie that introduced me to Anne Hathaway and featuring the fabulous Julie Andrews (Sound of Music, Mary Poppins). Mia is a high school girl who is a fellow "odd duck" until she discovers that she is actually the heir to the throne of Genovia. A rather lighthearted comedy, it is a great teen film. Don't think so? "Shut. Up."
97. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
The debut film of Quentin Tarantino, it was what first got me into the gangster genre in the first place. Filled with pop culture references, quotable dialogue, excessive profanity, and Tarantino's trademark nonlinear storytelling. Highly recommended for any fan of action movies.
96. Big Momma's House (2000)
Growing up as a fan of Martin's eponymous show, this movie was a must-see for my family. We laughed until we cried. Between the basketball and baby delivery scene, the laughs never really stopped. I remember during the church scene at the end, the theater was on their feet clapping along. Good times indeed.
95. Jerry Maguire (1996)
The dramedy from Tom Cruise, Renée Zellweger and Cuba Gooding Jr. about a sports agent and his pro football client. Featuring a very young Jonathan Lipnicki. This movie, even if it was crappy, would have made it to the list for this one scene:
94. Lucas (1986)
The tale of an extremely intelligent and equally nerdy high school freshman, Lucas remains to this day one of the few movies that can make me cry. When I first watched this I was scared it was going to end like Carrie (sans telekinesis) or a suicide, instead I watched as the same teenagers who tormented our hero throughout accepted him after one of the most daring stunts I've ever seen. He wants so badly to be accepted and when it happens...manly tears. Side note, scope out the young Charlie Sheen and Winona Ryder.
93. Big Fish (2003)
Hailed as Tim Burton's masterpiece, this easily made my list. Told from the prespective of a dying father as his son tries to uncover his dad's life (filled with fantastic events) and comes to realize that storytelling was indeed his finest achievement. A truly brilliant and inspiring film.
92. Boondock Saints (1999)
This one I actually learned about from Mass, as it was criticized for its potrayal of Catholicism. Curious, I rented it and loved it from the get-go. Fraternal twins go on a Divinely inspired killing spree as they (along with a mob-connected friend) clean up the streets of Boston. And of course, we can't forget the cat.
91. Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
The first musical I ever saw and it remains one of my favourites to this day. As someone who grew up gardening, that isn't all that surprising. I think this is also the first time I saw Steve Martin (not sure if I had seen Father of the Bride yet) and he scared the hell out of me. Because of this movie, I was terrified of any dentist with black hair until I was about 9.
Well folks, that's it for today. I'll be back with movies 90-81 as we continue counting down toward number one.
Stay tuned.
Friday, November 28, 2008
You're Not A Guy, You're A Kendall
I'm a wee bit old fashioned. I'll admit it.
I was raised by an 80 year-old Spanish woman and two lesbians, so I grew up...oddly. Of those three, only one is still alive but sadly moved back to Boston in January.
Because of them, I am a very polite individual by nature. Until the time I was 15, I would stand whenever a female left the table. I kid you not. I always say please and thank you and I use the words sir and ma'am a lot. If I am walking out a door and I even see someone who might use it as well, even if they're 20 seconds away, I will stop and hold it for them. I can't help it.
I did not know quite how to take it when The Ginger told me I was too nice when I held the door for someone.
This also applies to my relationships.
I couldn't do a one-night stand. I'm not even sure I could pull a "friends with benefits" type deal. I highly doubt it. Cheating is out of the question.
Maybe rape did have some positive effects. I don't see sex as just something to do nor do I try and sleep with everything in a skirt. Despite rumours to the contrary. I need to love someone to be intimate with them. I spent far too long thinking of myself as used goods to cheapen the act.
Is it really that strange for a 20 year-old guy NOT to sleep around?
Eva was amazed that it took me as long as I did to get to that point. I remember one particular fight over the summer where I tried to explain to her why I didn't have sex with her and how it was not because I did not find her attractive. I just...wasn't in love with her yet.
Am I naive?
Maybe.
But I like being able to look in the mirror and not see "used goods" anymore.
I was raised by an 80 year-old Spanish woman and two lesbians, so I grew up...oddly. Of those three, only one is still alive but sadly moved back to Boston in January.
Because of them, I am a very polite individual by nature. Until the time I was 15, I would stand whenever a female left the table. I kid you not. I always say please and thank you and I use the words sir and ma'am a lot. If I am walking out a door and I even see someone who might use it as well, even if they're 20 seconds away, I will stop and hold it for them. I can't help it.
I did not know quite how to take it when The Ginger told me I was too nice when I held the door for someone.
This also applies to my relationships.
I couldn't do a one-night stand. I'm not even sure I could pull a "friends with benefits" type deal. I highly doubt it. Cheating is out of the question.
Maybe rape did have some positive effects. I don't see sex as just something to do nor do I try and sleep with everything in a skirt. Despite rumours to the contrary. I need to love someone to be intimate with them. I spent far too long thinking of myself as used goods to cheapen the act.
Is it really that strange for a 20 year-old guy NOT to sleep around?
Eva was amazed that it took me as long as I did to get to that point. I remember one particular fight over the summer where I tried to explain to her why I didn't have sex with her and how it was not because I did not find her attractive. I just...wasn't in love with her yet.
“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them."
Am I naive?
Maybe.
But I like being able to look in the mirror and not see "used goods" anymore.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Turkey Day '08
I'm sitting at the kitchen table in my parents' house writing this. I'm tired, in a wee bit of stomach pain, and overall satisfied with the day.
Cool Things That Happened:
1. As soon as I arrived this morning, me, my mom, and my sister started cooking breakfast. French toast, scrambled eggs, Smith sausage, and hash browns. It was delish.
2. Uncle E & The Lady Friend finally admitted they were married. I saw The Grandmother starting to say something negative so I stepped in and gave them both hugs. Why would she be unhappy at her youngest brother being married? Well...it may have something to do with the fact that his wife is white.
3. Me, The Mini-Me, and Aunt C decorating The Godmother's Christmas tree.
4. Speaking of The Godmother, I got to have a ball teasing her about a man in her life whom I shall refer to as Hopeful Godfather (HG for short). She has been divorced since before I was born and I am happy to see her spending time with someone.
5. Eva had me stop by for a while at her mom's where I had homemade apple cider for the first time. I think I'm just addicted to any apple product.
The one bad thing to happen today was me not really being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner. Know the saying "I am my own worst enemy." In my case, that's true. My stomach is my worst enemy. Le sigh.
I managed to get along with The Grandmother and my dad so I am feeling quite accomplished today. Sadly a lot of the people I wanted to see didn't come to town.
I figure since today was Thanksgiving and all, I should name at least one thing I am thankful for.
Here goes...
I am thankful for the people in my life. They who have accepted me for who I really am and love me anyway. Who I can go to for a hug, a laugh, or just a simple smile. I am thankful that I have been blessed to know them and try my best to help them be happy. So thanks guys, even when I am on a sugar high from hell and you want to duct tape my mouth shut, I still love you.
Now I need to get to sleep as me and Scarlett are braving Black Friday in Raleigh tomorrow.
Oh and I am also thankful for this
Thank you Far! I love it.
Enjoy your Turkey Day/Thursday Everyone!
P. S. Please be safe.
Cool Things That Happened:
1. As soon as I arrived this morning, me, my mom, and my sister started cooking breakfast. French toast, scrambled eggs, Smith sausage, and hash browns. It was delish.
2. Uncle E & The Lady Friend finally admitted they were married. I saw The Grandmother starting to say something negative so I stepped in and gave them both hugs. Why would she be unhappy at her youngest brother being married? Well...it may have something to do with the fact that his wife is white.
3. Me, The Mini-Me, and Aunt C decorating The Godmother's Christmas tree.
4. Speaking of The Godmother, I got to have a ball teasing her about a man in her life whom I shall refer to as Hopeful Godfather (HG for short). She has been divorced since before I was born and I am happy to see her spending time with someone.
5. Eva had me stop by for a while at her mom's where I had homemade apple cider for the first time. I think I'm just addicted to any apple product.
The one bad thing to happen today was me not really being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner. Know the saying "I am my own worst enemy." In my case, that's true. My stomach is my worst enemy. Le sigh.
I managed to get along with The Grandmother and my dad so I am feeling quite accomplished today. Sadly a lot of the people I wanted to see didn't come to town.
I figure since today was Thanksgiving and all, I should name at least one thing I am thankful for.
Here goes...
I am thankful for the people in my life. They who have accepted me for who I really am and love me anyway. Who I can go to for a hug, a laugh, or just a simple smile. I am thankful that I have been blessed to know them and try my best to help them be happy. So thanks guys, even when I am on a sugar high from hell and you want to duct tape my mouth shut, I still love you.
Now I need to get to sleep as me and Scarlett are braving Black Friday in Raleigh tomorrow.
Oh and I am also thankful for this
Thank you Far! I love it.
Enjoy your Turkey Day/Thursday Everyone!
P. S. Please be safe.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Doing The Best I Can
I hadn't planned on posting this week as between my test tonight, planning a Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, a new research project, and finalizing my plans for this weekend, I've been stretched a wee bit thin. However I felt I should share something with y'all.
Allow me to admit something, I have bouts of pretty low self-esteem. Which means that I have trouble believing people when they say good things about me. I'm better about it than I used to be, but I can never be called egotistical.
After our mini-Thanksgiving; me, Eva, and Daybreak were on her couch under a blanket. Daybreak had fallen asleep sitting on my lap while me and Eva were talking quietly. I never realized I was doing it but I had started stroking Daybreak's hair and humming.
Eva just watched me, smiling.
Me: What is it?
Eva: Just enjoying the scene.
Me: What scene?
Eva: You and Daybreak.
Me: I'm still lost here.
Eva: You are very good with her for someone who thinks he would be a horrible dad.
Me: She deserves a better one.
Eva: In her eyes, there couldn't be a better one. And I'm starting to agree with her.
Allow me to admit something, I have bouts of pretty low self-esteem. Which means that I have trouble believing people when they say good things about me. I'm better about it than I used to be, but I can never be called egotistical.
After our mini-Thanksgiving; me, Eva, and Daybreak were on her couch under a blanket. Daybreak had fallen asleep sitting on my lap while me and Eva were talking quietly. I never realized I was doing it but I had started stroking Daybreak's hair and humming.
Eva just watched me, smiling.
Me: What is it?
Eva: Just enjoying the scene.
Me: What scene?
Eva: You and Daybreak.
Me: I'm still lost here.
Eva: You are very good with her for someone who thinks he would be a horrible dad.
Me: She deserves a better one.
Eva: In her eyes, there couldn't be a better one. And I'm starting to agree with her.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
A Letter To Eva
Dear Eva,
Six months ago tomorrow, youlost all common sense decided that you really did want to date me and it wasn't just a passing bit of insanity. Where has all the time gone?
I tried to fight against you liking me.
I remember back in May when I tried to explain why you shouldn't date me. You sat through my explanations, held my hand when some old emotions resurfaced, and nodding to show you were listening. You then placed a hand on my cheek and thanked me for being honest. I was waiting for you to put me out of your life.
It never happened.
I was sure you could do so very much better than me. Someone more attractive, someone funnier, someone nicer, someone not as dorky, just better all around.
You were amused at how terrified I was to meet your family. I figured your mom and little sister were flukes, no way my luck could hold out. Strangely enough your family seemed to like me and your sisters and mom have actually accepted me. I look back on how nervous I was for that Myrtle Beach trip and have to shake my head. Sorry for being such a spaz Hon.
I still need to thank Imogen for finally getting through my stubbornness the night of our first date. Had she been there, I wouldn't have to confront feelings for you (at least not at the moment) as doing so was a frightening prospect back then.
You've somehow managed to not get fed up with me in six months. How, considering that I like to tease, is a mystery.
You and Daybreak have become such a large part of my life in such a short amount of time. It seems like just yesterday me and you were just friends who helped each other study for ridiculously difficult psych tests. Now we've actually talked about the possibility of renting a townhouse together, even though it's been vetoed at this moment in time.
You constantly tell me that you are sure you had made the right decision in liking and later loving me. I thought I was going to jump out my skin when I felt you kiss me on the back of the neck that night.
I want to make this work. And I'm brave enough to admit I'm scared that I will screw up this relationship. I can't help it.
For some reason you think I am a wonderful person and I suppose that all I can do is try my best to prove you right.
Then last night you admitted you would actually like to marry me. It wasn't a proposal and you weren't expecting an answer but it still changed things. When asked, I told you that had you actually asked me to marry you I'd have said no for now.
Remember that I also said for now.
The future, after all, has yet to be written.
I have seen you at your best and your worst. I've seen you with no makeup and bedhead to looking like you walked off the cover of a fashion magazine. I've seen you in tears. I've helped take care of you when you're sick, massaged you when cramps or stress set in, and tried to listen and help with your problems.
I love that you can make me smile and laugh. I love that you are willing to listen and genuinely care what I have to say. I love that you can and will tell me when you think I am wrong and try and help me get on track.
You have helped to teach me to trust in myself and I don't know how to repay you for that.
You carved out a space for yourself in my heart.
Even when I tease you and sing annoying songs just to get them stuck in your head.
I only do it because I care.
Love,
Kendall
Six months ago tomorrow, you
I tried to fight against you liking me.
I remember back in May when I tried to explain why you shouldn't date me. You sat through my explanations, held my hand when some old emotions resurfaced, and nodding to show you were listening. You then placed a hand on my cheek and thanked me for being honest. I was waiting for you to put me out of your life.
It never happened.
I was sure you could do so very much better than me. Someone more attractive, someone funnier, someone nicer, someone not as dorky, just better all around.
You were amused at how terrified I was to meet your family. I figured your mom and little sister were flukes, no way my luck could hold out. Strangely enough your family seemed to like me and your sisters and mom have actually accepted me. I look back on how nervous I was for that Myrtle Beach trip and have to shake my head. Sorry for being such a spaz Hon.
I still need to thank Imogen for finally getting through my stubbornness the night of our first date. Had she been there, I wouldn't have to confront feelings for you (at least not at the moment) as doing so was a frightening prospect back then.
You've somehow managed to not get fed up with me in six months. How, considering that I like to tease, is a mystery.
You and Daybreak have become such a large part of my life in such a short amount of time. It seems like just yesterday me and you were just friends who helped each other study for ridiculously difficult psych tests. Now we've actually talked about the possibility of renting a townhouse together, even though it's been vetoed at this moment in time.
You constantly tell me that you are sure you had made the right decision in liking and later loving me. I thought I was going to jump out my skin when I felt you kiss me on the back of the neck that night.
I want to make this work. And I'm brave enough to admit I'm scared that I will screw up this relationship. I can't help it.
For some reason you think I am a wonderful person and I suppose that all I can do is try my best to prove you right.
Then last night you admitted you would actually like to marry me. It wasn't a proposal and you weren't expecting an answer but it still changed things. When asked, I told you that had you actually asked me to marry you I'd have said no for now.
Remember that I also said for now.
The future, after all, has yet to be written.
I have seen you at your best and your worst. I've seen you with no makeup and bedhead to looking like you walked off the cover of a fashion magazine. I've seen you in tears. I've helped take care of you when you're sick, massaged you when cramps or stress set in, and tried to listen and help with your problems.
I love that you can make me smile and laugh. I love that you are willing to listen and genuinely care what I have to say. I love that you can and will tell me when you think I am wrong and try and help me get on track.
You have helped to teach me to trust in myself and I don't know how to repay you for that.
You carved out a space for yourself in my heart.
Even when I tease you and sing annoying songs just to get them stuck in your head.
I only do it because I care.
Love,
Kendall
Friday, November 21, 2008
I'll Take the Minefield for $200, Alex
I'm looking after Daybreak today while Eva is working and I thought I'd share a little conversation we had before she laid down for a nap. The munchkin was tuckered out after watching X-Men (she has said Hugh Jackman will be her husband one day) and us working on building a LEGO castle.
Daybreak: So you and Mommy are going dancing?
Me: Yes Sweetie.
Daybreak: You and Mommy have been together six months right?
Me: Almost. Monday will make six months.
Daybreak: So when am I going to get a baby sister?
Me: I think you're child enough for both of us Daybreak.
Daybreak: What's taking so long? I've been waiting practically forever.
Me: Daybreak, you're four. It's not like you're an old maid.
Daybreak: But...but...fine. Can you two at least get married? You love Mommy and Mommy loves you, what's the hold up?
At this point, I can't keep a straight face any longer and am nearly crying from laughter. Daybreak got very put out and decided I deserved to be tickled for laughing at her serious concerns.
I swear that I act my age sometimes.
Now I'm going to get some homework done before my ball of energy and questions wakes back up.
Hope y'all have a fabulous weekend.
Daybreak: So you and Mommy are going dancing?
Me: Yes Sweetie.
Daybreak: You and Mommy have been together six months right?
Me: Almost. Monday will make six months.
Daybreak: So when am I going to get a baby sister?
Me: I think you're child enough for both of us Daybreak.
Daybreak: What's taking so long? I've been waiting practically forever.
Me: Daybreak, you're four. It's not like you're an old maid.
Daybreak: But...but...fine. Can you two at least get married? You love Mommy and Mommy loves you, what's the hold up?
At this point, I can't keep a straight face any longer and am nearly crying from laughter. Daybreak got very put out and decided I deserved to be tickled for laughing at her serious concerns.
I swear that I act my age sometimes.
Now I'm going to get some homework done before my ball of energy and questions wakes back up.
Hope y'all have a fabulous weekend.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Talking With Strangers = Kids Don't Try This At Home
Know how your parents always told you not to talk to strangers? Well apparently I never really listened to that lesson. I think it's my conditioning from years of journalism.
I'm sitting on a bench during my lunch break, reading A Lion Among Men, when an elderly man sits down beside me. He leans forward on his cane and looks at me from the corner of his eye.
Man: Is that a good book?
Me: Yes sir, I actually like them better than the original Oz books.
The man nods with an odd smile and then makes a rather random comment.
Man: It's always nice to see young men reading and not wasting time on their XStations.
I almost correct him when I notice the smirk.
Man: You know my wife, God rest her soul, was a bookworm herself. Rainy days she would sit in the kitchen with whatever book she found laying around.
Me: That's how I am. I'm sorry for your loss.
Man: I won't lie, I didn't know how I would go on for a while. Plus we had two girls, one about your age and one who had just turned 12.
Me: What happened?
Man: It was breast cancer. When she found out it was terminal, she never really quit living and even died with a smile.
Me: Your wife sounds like an amazing person.
Man: Oh that she was. She lived every day to her fullest and I can only try and do the same. I've fought in Korea and 'Nam, and one thing that hell taught me is that all we can hope for is that when we go we leave something that will last beyond our lifetimes. That we did something good.
Me: I think if I can look God in the eye and say honestly that I had no talent left because I used everything He gave me, I would have made full use of my time here.
He rubs his chin and nods before looking up the road at the bus one stop away.
Man: That's a good way of looking at it. Well young man, I must be going. I wish you well in life. Oh and be sure to work with your lady. Humans aren't meant to be alone.
As the man was getting on the bus, something clicks in my head. I never told this man I was in a relationship so how could he say that with such assurance?
Now while y'all try and ponder that one, I'm going to eat some dinner and change clothes. Why? Well, I may be going to a certain movie premiere tonight. I can neither confirm nor deny whether it involves vampires or not.
Happy trails!
I'm sitting on a bench during my lunch break, reading A Lion Among Men, when an elderly man sits down beside me. He leans forward on his cane and looks at me from the corner of his eye.
Man: Is that a good book?
Me: Yes sir, I actually like them better than the original Oz books.
The man nods with an odd smile and then makes a rather random comment.
Man: It's always nice to see young men reading and not wasting time on their XStations.
I almost correct him when I notice the smirk.
Man: You know my wife, God rest her soul, was a bookworm herself. Rainy days she would sit in the kitchen with whatever book she found laying around.
Me: That's how I am. I'm sorry for your loss.
Man: I won't lie, I didn't know how I would go on for a while. Plus we had two girls, one about your age and one who had just turned 12.
Me: What happened?
Man: It was breast cancer. When she found out it was terminal, she never really quit living and even died with a smile.
Me: Your wife sounds like an amazing person.
Man: Oh that she was. She lived every day to her fullest and I can only try and do the same. I've fought in Korea and 'Nam, and one thing that hell taught me is that all we can hope for is that when we go we leave something that will last beyond our lifetimes. That we did something good.
Me: I think if I can look God in the eye and say honestly that I had no talent left because I used everything He gave me, I would have made full use of my time here.
He rubs his chin and nods before looking up the road at the bus one stop away.
Man: That's a good way of looking at it. Well young man, I must be going. I wish you well in life. Oh and be sure to work with your lady. Humans aren't meant to be alone.
As the man was getting on the bus, something clicks in my head. I never told this man I was in a relationship so how could he say that with such assurance?
Now while y'all try and ponder that one, I'm going to eat some dinner and change clothes. Why? Well, I may be going to a certain movie premiere tonight. I can neither confirm nor deny whether it involves vampires or not.
Happy trails!
Wednesday Workshop: Two For One Special, That'll Be $4.78 Please
Hey folks, it's that time again. Because I am so dull awesome, I'm going to be doing two prompts this week. The first of this week's prompts from Mama Kat is
I am not close to either of my parents. I never have been and I doubt I ever really will be. My mom worked all the time and my dad...well he did anything but hang around us. So when my mom had a new job when I was 15 and wanted to spend time with me, I was really really jaded towards her. Still am, I suppose. We've made progress since then but she is not someone I go to with my problems.
So with Thanksgiving coming up I needed to finalize my plans. I called her before heading to my first graders this morning where she kind of started to give me the fifth degree because I wouldn't be getting there until Thursday morning and don't plan to stay any longer than Saturday afternoon.
She asked me why I couldn't come home Wednesday. I replied that I had a test Wednesday night and would rather not have to drive an hour and a half afterward. And as for me leaving on Saturday, I've learned my lesson about spending too much time there.
I won't go into specifics but my last visit consisted mainly of arguing, tears, and alcohol. Not even necessarily in that order.
Then afterward I feel guilty that I am not staying longer though I know good and well that I'd be miserable. So when my cousins leave, I won't be far behind them. I was actually told I was being childish for not wanting to be around fighting parents.
Maybe I'm just tired of having to be the adult.
==================
To end on a lighthearted note, here's my second prompt:
After Bio lecture had let out, I met The Pop Queen in the building and decided to catch up with her while I still had some free time. While we were sitting, this girl who neither of us knew came up to us who I shall refer to as C and started chatting to me.
What was my name?
What was my major?
What I liked to do for fun?
After she's pretty much asked me for my life story, she asks if I would like to come to her sorority's party on Friday night.
Now me being my lovable dense self, I don't realize that this woman has been hitting on me the entire conversation until The Pop Queen has to muffle her laughter in her scarf in order to remain inconspicuous. Once C has left, The Pop Queen fills me in on what I failed to notice.
Later in the night, I get the following test message from The Pop Queen:
Cue laughter. I heart my twin.
4.) Write about something that bothered you this week.5...4...3...2...1...
I am not close to either of my parents. I never have been and I doubt I ever really will be. My mom worked all the time and my dad...well he did anything but hang around us. So when my mom had a new job when I was 15 and wanted to spend time with me, I was really really jaded towards her. Still am, I suppose. We've made progress since then but she is not someone I go to with my problems.
So with Thanksgiving coming up I needed to finalize my plans. I called her before heading to my first graders this morning where she kind of started to give me the fifth degree because I wouldn't be getting there until Thursday morning and don't plan to stay any longer than Saturday afternoon.
She asked me why I couldn't come home Wednesday. I replied that I had a test Wednesday night and would rather not have to drive an hour and a half afterward. And as for me leaving on Saturday, I've learned my lesson about spending too much time there.
I won't go into specifics but my last visit consisted mainly of arguing, tears, and alcohol. Not even necessarily in that order.
Then afterward I feel guilty that I am not staying longer though I know good and well that I'd be miserable. So when my cousins leave, I won't be far behind them. I was actually told I was being childish for not wanting to be around fighting parents.
Maybe I'm just tired of having to be the adult.
==================
To end on a lighthearted note, here's my second prompt:
5...4...3...2...1...
1.) The last time I laughed really hard...
After Bio lecture had let out, I met The Pop Queen in the building and decided to catch up with her while I still had some free time. While we were sitting, this girl who neither of us knew came up to us who I shall refer to as C and started chatting to me.
What was my name?
What was my major?
What I liked to do for fun?
After she's pretty much asked me for my life story, she asks if I would like to come to her sorority's party on Friday night.
Now me being my lovable dense self, I don't realize that this woman has been hitting on me the entire conversation until The Pop Queen has to muffle her laughter in her scarf in order to remain inconspicuous. Once C has left, The Pop Queen fills me in on what I failed to notice.
Later in the night, I get the following test message from The Pop Queen:
"So are you going to that party, because I would feel weird going without you since she just said I could come because you're my bbf (black best friend) and she was pretty hot. Since you're dating [Eva], think you could send her my way? Please and thank you."
Cue laughter. I heart my twin.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
The Bigger Blog Swap
Todays guest post is brought to you by
MissK
from
Pictures & Post-Its.
This is all part of the 20 Something Bloggers "Blog Swap 3".
Don't forget to go check out my post over on her site.
Hey folks, this is Kendall. For those expecting a Wednesday Workshop, you're out of luck today sorry but I may still participate tomorrow if I have time after work. Anyways, today is the Blog Swap 3 from 20Something Bloggers which has had me excited for quite a while. Be sure to check back later for my own guest post (which I shall link to). Now enjoy yourselves! And in case you're wondering, yes that was an order. Just kidding. Kinda.
Hi everyone! I'm not terribly good at introductions, and I rarely make a good first impression, but I am MissK from www.picturesandpostits.wordpress.com . I'm here, taking part in a blog swap organized by 20 Something Bloggers. My blog is relatively new, and mostly I just post pictures, or the occasional post it note. I'll be the first to admit I'm struggling a little to think of something to blog about here... I'm guessing I'm going to need something more than a dodgy happy snap to fill the space.
This has lead me to spend entirely too much time thinking of something to blog about, and you know what I came up with? Several ideas that sounded good in theory, but when I started writing ended up sounding kind of lame.
I considered blogging about why I took my current job, and why I love it even through all the less enjoyable parts, because I am constantly asked why I do my job as opposed to something with less exposure to animal cruelty and euthanasia, but then I realized that would then give away where I worked, and I've had stalkers before - I don't need anymore of them.
Then I wondered if maybe I could blog about how I am struggling with a few people who were once great friends, but lately seem to have drifted and now it's all weird because we both know we've drifted but for some stupid reason we're both still pretending we care. Then I thought that could've lead into how you decide when a friendship has run its course and what is the best way to go about ending it with as little mess as possible. I decided I am not smart enough to do this.
I also wondered if maybe I could talk about how I've just found out I've got some horrible kidney problem and it's all going to hell in a handbasket for me, health wise, right about now... but then I remembered I haven't told my employers yet, and people I work for have a stunning ability to find my blogs and then call me out on things I've posted in them.
Then I realized I'm posting on a teacher's blog, and now I'm concerned about my spelling and grammar and ohmygoodness don't mention the fact that you were never taught and still don't know the difference between a noun and an adjective. And his blogroll is HUGE, and that's a lot of people that might be looking right at me if I stuff this up. This would surely be followed by some kind of hyperventilating.
Interestingly enough, this has just proved how bad I am at making decisions. And apparently, how much of a people pleaser I am. Possibly even that I worry too much. What is interesting, though, is that small decsions I am bad at. Big decisions, I'm pretty good at. Give me the task of choosing which DVD to watch on Saturday night, and I will fail in epic fashion and we will end up watching bad Saturday night TV. Give me the task of selecting a new car, and I will decide in about 5.4 seconds.
It's a bizarre phenomenon.
I simply do not understand myself. Anyone else have this problem where they will compose pro-con lists over whether they have pizza or pasta for dinner, but decide within all of thirty seconds that they're going to give up full time employment with all sorts of benefits to work for yourself in an industry you had no experience in?
You know what else I learned about myself?
I suck at guest posting.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I've Never Been Normal...
And this is no different.
Most people do not consider their ex a friend. Fewer still consider them their best friend.
Well I'm not called an odd duck for nothing, am I?
Me and Tinkerbell are still very close, we've had our ups and downs but I know that if I ever needed help she would do all she could and I would do the same for her. Basically all that's changed is that we don't have romantic feelings for each other.
I look back on the early part of the summer where I actually thought I could stop loving her and have to shake my head. I was miserable and guilty and, all in all, not that fun a person to be around. Then Eva sat me down and told me flat-out that I didn't have it in me not to love someone who meant so much to me. I tried to explain that it was wrong of me to feel that way when she asked me why I thought I should be normal now when I never had been before. So I stopped stressing about it.
And lo and behold, I was much happier.
She taught me that I did deserve to be loved and that everyone deserves a second chance. It is her influence that is the reason why I am so forgiving now. She taught me to do all I can to keep my promises. She also beat into my head that I was not trash and that I actually am a good person. She would argue that and say I'm a wonderful person to which I respond "baby steps." I have been truly blessed to have her in my life and wonder what I would do without her.
You kept me from killing myself and then helped me figure out who I was and I can never really repay you for that. Won't stop me from trying though. You know better than anyone that I am nothing if not stubborn.
You try and say you are nothing special. I merely ask that you remember our motto: "Sometimes the way we see ourselves isn't as true as the way others see us."
You're my best friend Tinkerbell, and I love you dearly.
Thank you for all you have done for me Darlin'.
And always remember...
Most people do not consider their ex a friend. Fewer still consider them their best friend.
Well I'm not called an odd duck for nothing, am I?
Me and Tinkerbell are still very close, we've had our ups and downs but I know that if I ever needed help she would do all she could and I would do the same for her. Basically all that's changed is that we don't have romantic feelings for each other.
I look back on the early part of the summer where I actually thought I could stop loving her and have to shake my head. I was miserable and guilty and, all in all, not that fun a person to be around. Then Eva sat me down and told me flat-out that I didn't have it in me not to love someone who meant so much to me. I tried to explain that it was wrong of me to feel that way when she asked me why I thought I should be normal now when I never had been before. So I stopped stressing about it.
And lo and behold, I was much happier.
She taught me that I did deserve to be loved and that everyone deserves a second chance. It is her influence that is the reason why I am so forgiving now. She taught me to do all I can to keep my promises. She also beat into my head that I was not trash and that I actually am a good person. She would argue that and say I'm a wonderful person to which I respond "baby steps." I have been truly blessed to have her in my life and wonder what I would do without her.
You kept me from killing myself and then helped me figure out who I was and I can never really repay you for that. Won't stop me from trying though. You know better than anyone that I am nothing if not stubborn.
You try and say you are nothing special. I merely ask that you remember our motto: "Sometimes the way we see ourselves isn't as true as the way others see us."
You're my best friend Tinkerbell, and I love you dearly.
Thank you for all you have done for me Darlin'.
And always remember...
Monday, November 17, 2008
To Teach And Never Be Weary
"Mr. Kendall?"
"Yes Lulu?"
"Why do you want to be a teacher?"
20 sets of eyes looked to me for my answer, 19 from their spots on the floor and the last from Frizzle as she did paperwork on her desk. Reading circle
I looked over to the left and asked Skittles, a small and rather outspoken girl, if she remembered when she hugged me after I helped her with her reading. She nodded but was still confused as to where I was going with this.
That moment when she could move from letters to syllables to words to sentences with increasing confidence was what destroyed any doubts I had that teaching was what I wanted to do with my life. I always knew I wanted a career that could help people in some way, shape, or form. I just wasn't entirely sure what that would be.
Helping a child reach their heights and move on beyond them has become my goal. And I am nothing if not single-mindedly determined when I set my mind to something. I have never wanted a job where it is the same thing every day and this is something where I'm guaranteed to be doing something different.
I remember a professor of mine once saying that teaching is a draining profession. That you give and give with nothing in return until you are but a husk of your former self.
I disagree with this view emphatically.
I see a teacher as one who does continually give of themselves yes, however, we are given something in return besides an unappreciative salary. To know you had a hand, however small, in someone else's success is an amazing feeling and one I hope I never feel numb to.
I'll find another line of work when that happens.
Is this going to be difficult?
Yes but often times the most worthwhile things in life are.
And if they aren't worthwhile, I don't know who is.
"Yes Lulu?"
"Why do you want to be a teacher?"
20 sets of eyes looked to me for my answer, 19 from their spots on the floor and the last from Frizzle as she did paperwork on her desk. Reading circle
I looked over to the left and asked Skittles, a small and rather outspoken girl, if she remembered when she hugged me after I helped her with her reading. She nodded but was still confused as to where I was going with this.
That moment when she could move from letters to syllables to words to sentences with increasing confidence was what destroyed any doubts I had that teaching was what I wanted to do with my life. I always knew I wanted a career that could help people in some way, shape, or form. I just wasn't entirely sure what that would be.
Helping a child reach their heights and move on beyond them has become my goal. And I am nothing if not single-mindedly determined when I set my mind to something. I have never wanted a job where it is the same thing every day and this is something where I'm guaranteed to be doing something different.
I remember a professor of mine once saying that teaching is a draining profession. That you give and give with nothing in return until you are but a husk of your former self.
I disagree with this view emphatically.
I see a teacher as one who does continually give of themselves yes, however, we are given something in return besides an unappreciative salary. To know you had a hand, however small, in someone else's success is an amazing feeling and one I hope I never feel numb to.
I'll find another line of work when that happens.
Is this going to be difficult?
Yes but often times the most worthwhile things in life are.
And if they aren't worthwhile, I don't know who is.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Hasta Luego, Mi Hermanito
As me and Scarlett were looking for affordable housing around town yesterday, a wave of sadness hit me. The Bait is graduating (early) and when he leaves, I lose my roommate and one of the handful of close guy friends I have. Hence getting an early jump on house hunting.
He'll be headed to Boston for grad school in June and I'll miss him. To add some salt in it, Pippi will more than likely go with him.
We've known each other since we were 13 and have been friends since we were 16. It's funny to think about now but we honestly disliked each other for a long while.
He thought I was nothing but a hood who didn't belong in honours classes. Let's just say I had a bad reputation in middle school.
I thought he was an arrogant prick who took himself far too seriously.
We're mature enough now to admit that I did have an attitude problem and that he really was an arrogant little shitstain (his words, not mine).
When people get to know both of us they wonder how me and him can be such good friends. We'll be the first to admit that all we really have in common is that we are both smart and we are both Catholic. Then came the trip to Italy in the summer of 2004 and that was the birth of our friendship. What brought us together?
An arcade game called House of the Dead 3. Killing zombies with shotguns, hearing the crowd that had gathered cheer on the "gun loving Americans", somehow in the midst of this we became friends. Don't ask me how.
I won't have someone to rib about their mishaps in the kitchen.
I won't have someone to laugh at as they and my puppy have a power struggle.
So to The Bait...
You taught me how to surf.
I finally got you to see how crazy Pippi was about you.
You sponsored me for Confirmation.
I've tried to teach you how to cook and found much amusement in how truly inept you were.
I'll miss having someone to argue politics with living right across the hallway from me.
I'll miss the insightful and random conversations me, you, and Pippi have on our way to Mass on Sunday mornings.
I'll miss our heavily one-sided wrestling matches.
So good luck you lazy bastard. And you had best bring your ass back for the holidays or I will come looking for you.
Yourcommunist radical liberal brother from another mother,
Kendall
He'll be headed to Boston for grad school in June and I'll miss him. To add some salt in it, Pippi will more than likely go with him.
We've known each other since we were 13 and have been friends since we were 16. It's funny to think about now but we honestly disliked each other for a long while.
He thought I was nothing but a hood who didn't belong in honours classes. Let's just say I had a bad reputation in middle school.
I thought he was an arrogant prick who took himself far too seriously.
We're mature enough now to admit that I did have an attitude problem and that he really was an arrogant little shitstain (his words, not mine).
When people get to know both of us they wonder how me and him can be such good friends. We'll be the first to admit that all we really have in common is that we are both smart and we are both Catholic. Then came the trip to Italy in the summer of 2004 and that was the birth of our friendship. What brought us together?
An arcade game called House of the Dead 3. Killing zombies with shotguns, hearing the crowd that had gathered cheer on the "gun loving Americans", somehow in the midst of this we became friends. Don't ask me how.
I won't have someone to rib about their mishaps in the kitchen.
I won't have someone to laugh at as they and my puppy have a power struggle.
So to The Bait...
You taught me how to surf.
I finally got you to see how crazy Pippi was about you.
You sponsored me for Confirmation.
I've tried to teach you how to cook and found much amusement in how truly inept you were.
I'll miss having someone to argue politics with living right across the hallway from me.
I'll miss the insightful and random conversations me, you, and Pippi have on our way to Mass on Sunday mornings.
I'll miss our heavily one-sided wrestling matches.
So good luck you lazy bastard. And you had best bring your ass back for the holidays or I will come looking for you.
Your
Kendall
Friday, November 14, 2008
"Who Loves Ya, Baby?"
Tonight's a short post, sorry folks.
I make no secret of the fact that I am a nerd.
So when Scarlett called me yesterday and said they had bought Gears of War 2 for the XBOX 360, there was no way I or The Bait were going to turn down coming over to play it. Is it strange that I find butchering masses of monsters while making quips with my friends relaxing?
Maybe.
Now ask me if I give a horse's left nut.
Folks, the nerd in me was near orgasmic level in happiness. Take a short gander as to why.
Best quote of the night (Me and Scarlett vs Marilyn and The Bait):
Scarlett: "Kendall?"
Me: "Yes?"
Scarlett: "I drive, you shoot."
Marilyn/The Bait: "Shit."
This is going to be my last post until Monday probably so hope everyone has a safe and relaxing weekend.
P. S. Bonus points if anyone can tell me where this post's title comes from.
I make no secret of the fact that I am a nerd.
So when Scarlett called me yesterday and said they had bought Gears of War 2 for the XBOX 360, there was no way I or The Bait were going to turn down coming over to play it. Is it strange that I find butchering masses of monsters while making quips with my friends relaxing?
Maybe.
Now ask me if I give a horse's left nut.
Folks, the nerd in me was near orgasmic level in happiness. Take a short gander as to why.
Best quote of the night (Me and Scarlett vs Marilyn and The Bait):
Scarlett: "Kendall?"
Me: "Yes?"
Scarlett: "I drive, you shoot."
Marilyn/The Bait: "Shit."
This is going to be my last post until Monday probably so hope everyone has a safe and relaxing weekend.
P. S. Bonus points if anyone can tell me where this post's title comes from.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Yes I Have An Accent; Is There A Problem?
Being stereotyped is nothing new to me. I'm a black guy standing at 5'11 and about 190 lbs, it's something I long ago learned was going to happen. Stereotypes regarding my appearance I try and let just roll off my back, it's difficult but it's better than becoming bitter right? I long ago lost count of how many times I've had women cross the street from me in fright if I'm walking at night but that's a whole other post in itself.
So in my 20 years of life I have never had this happen.
I was serving two guys and a girl about my age and as I asked them what they wanted to drink both burst out into laughter. I was confused.
The girl said it was good they were giving people from the area jobs near campus and freeing up for students for studying.
Hold the phone.
Pasting a shit-eating grin on my face, I explained that I was a student and this was how I paid for my bills and rent.
They looked at each other in shock and the guy had the balls to ask me to show my student ID. I flashed it and they asked if I was a student, why would I have a southern accent? The other guy said he didn't know they allowed hicks in.
So because I grew up in the country, I'm not intelligent?
I guess that 3.8 GPA is just pity then.
Who knew?
So in my 20 years of life I have never had this happen.
I was serving two guys and a girl about my age and as I asked them what they wanted to drink both burst out into laughter. I was confused.
The girl said it was good they were giving people from the area jobs near campus and freeing up for students for studying.
Hold the phone.
Pasting a shit-eating grin on my face, I explained that I was a student and this was how I paid for my bills and rent.
They looked at each other in shock and the guy had the balls to ask me to show my student ID. I flashed it and they asked if I was a student, why would I have a southern accent? The other guy said he didn't know they allowed hicks in.
So because I grew up in the country, I'm not intelligent?
I guess that 3.8 GPA is just pity then.
Who knew?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wednesday Workshop: The Day My World Stood Still
It's that time again, folks. My assignment from Mama Kat this week goes as follows:
5.) The first time you...
It was tempting to put the story of my first kiss here but I'm not up for embarrassing myself today. I'll just say that I was dense and leave it at that. So instead I chose a day that snowballed events to where they are now.
Most dads consider the first time their child calls them dad or some equivalent one of their landmark moments. I'm no different, even if my moment was unorthodox.
5...4...3...2...1...
It was Eva's backyard; she, Daybreak, and I were sitting on a blanket in the grass. Me and Eva had our psych notes out quizzing each other, while Daybreak used my back as a steady for her colouring book. I was about to ask her what the signs of sociopathy in children are when Daybreak says clearly, "Papa, can you move? You're not in the Sun."
I froze. Eva looked to the small blond perched on my back. "Daybreak, who are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Papa."
"Daybreak, I'm not your papa."
She moved to sit down in front of us and tilted her head to the side. "Why not?"
Her mom took up the explanation when I couldn't. "It doesn't work like that Sweetie. Kendall is our friend. "
The first bits of tears were welling up in her eyes. And with every one, my heart hurt just a little bit more.
She looked me in the eye and asked why I didn't want her either. I sat up and hugged her. "I can only be your friend because you deserve a much better papa than me. You deserve the best."
Small arms wrapped around my neck as she started to cry in earnest. I heard her mumble "really?" into my shoulder. Eva was stroking her back and as I was telling Daybreak yes I noticed Eva giving me a strange look.
She ended up crying herself to sleep that afternoon.
That was the middle of April. I was terrified that this little girl adored me so much that she would want me to be her dad. A little tidbit about me folks, I more often think with my heart than my head and I love people quickly. This was no different.
I told Daybreak she deserved better than me. That makes my job simple to figure out.
I have to become better.
5.) The first time you...
It was tempting to put the story of my first kiss here but I'm not up for embarrassing myself today. I'll just say that I was dense and leave it at that. So instead I chose a day that snowballed events to where they are now.
Most dads consider the first time their child calls them dad or some equivalent one of their landmark moments. I'm no different, even if my moment was unorthodox.
5...4...3...2...1...
It was Eva's backyard; she, Daybreak, and I were sitting on a blanket in the grass. Me and Eva had our psych notes out quizzing each other, while Daybreak used my back as a steady for her colouring book. I was about to ask her what the signs of sociopathy in children are when Daybreak says clearly, "Papa, can you move? You're not in the Sun."
I froze. Eva looked to the small blond perched on my back. "Daybreak, who are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Papa."
"Daybreak, I'm not your papa."
She moved to sit down in front of us and tilted her head to the side. "Why not?"
Her mom took up the explanation when I couldn't. "It doesn't work like that Sweetie. Kendall is our friend. "
The first bits of tears were welling up in her eyes. And with every one, my heart hurt just a little bit more.
She looked me in the eye and asked why I didn't want her either. I sat up and hugged her. "I can only be your friend because you deserve a much better papa than me. You deserve the best."
Small arms wrapped around my neck as she started to cry in earnest. I heard her mumble "really?" into my shoulder. Eva was stroking her back and as I was telling Daybreak yes I noticed Eva giving me a strange look.
She ended up crying herself to sleep that afternoon.
That was the middle of April. I was terrified that this little girl adored me so much that she would want me to be her dad. A little tidbit about me folks, I more often think with my heart than my head and I love people quickly. This was no different.
I told Daybreak she deserved better than me. That makes my job simple to figure out.
I have to become better.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
A Public Service Announcement
Folks, I've worked in restaurants off and on since the summer of 2003. I would like to think I have a good idea of what I'm doing by now. That being said, I don't necessarily need you to nitpick at every little thing in our restaurant.
When the hostess on duty tells you that it will be a few minutes for a table to be cleaned, she isn't giving you the go ahead to sit down. If you see me clearing a table, don't assume it's free yet. That is rather disgusting. If you do perform the preceding action, do not ask me to please hurry up and then have the cojones to look at me like I'm holding up your day.
Then there is tipping. Tips equal a waiter/waitress's lifeblood. I long ago learned how to smile at someone despite how annoyed they made me. I make sure you and your party always have drinks and that your food is out as soon as possible. I joke around to make your stay more enjoyable. So when I come to start cleaning off your table, I hate to see only dishes and used napkins left behind. This makes me think it is not worth it.
Speaking to the guys out there, if the female waitress repeatedly tells you to stop hitting on her and then you proceed to grab her wrist we will escort your ass out. If you try and fight me on this, I will not be gentle on doing so. Oh and don't threaten to try and get me fired because I moved out of the way of your fist. The fact that my boss laughed in your face should prove how stupid that is.
That concludes this PSA. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you.
When the hostess on duty tells you that it will be a few minutes for a table to be cleaned, she isn't giving you the go ahead to sit down. If you see me clearing a table, don't assume it's free yet. That is rather disgusting. If you do perform the preceding action, do not ask me to please hurry up and then have the cojones to look at me like I'm holding up your day.
Then there is tipping. Tips equal a waiter/waitress's lifeblood. I long ago learned how to smile at someone despite how annoyed they made me. I make sure you and your party always have drinks and that your food is out as soon as possible. I joke around to make your stay more enjoyable. So when I come to start cleaning off your table, I hate to see only dishes and used napkins left behind. This makes me think it is not worth it.
Speaking to the guys out there, if the female waitress repeatedly tells you to stop hitting on her and then you proceed to grab her wrist we will escort your ass out. If you try and fight me on this, I will not be gentle on doing so. Oh and don't threaten to try and get me fired because I moved out of the way of your fist. The fact that my boss laughed in your face should prove how stupid that is.
That concludes this PSA. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Spreadin' the Love
I've gotten my second award from Diane, this one is a friendship award which made me smile.
This is the Proximidade Award, which celebrates bloggy friendships. It means, "This blog invests and believes in 'proximity' [meaning, that blogging makes us 'close' - being close through proxy]." I now have to pass it on to at least 8 other people which makes me sad because I have other people to give this to as well.
So my entourage goes as follows:
Mich
Dee
Tiff
Jess
Lady X
Tricia
CG
Mindy (coincidentally the only person here who knows my last name -- because of Fbook)
This makes me laugh as my blog friends imitate my friends in real life as every one on that list is a woman.
------
I really did have an actual post for today but with Marilyn's 22nd birthday starting up shortly -- first time going clubbing on a day other than Friday or Saturday -- I don't have the time tonight. Sorry. : )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARILYN!
This is the Proximidade Award, which celebrates bloggy friendships. It means, "This blog invests and believes in 'proximity' [meaning, that blogging makes us 'close' - being close through proxy]." I now have to pass it on to at least 8 other people which makes me sad because I have other people to give this to as well.
So my entourage goes as follows:
Mich
Dee
Tiff
Jess
Lady X
Tricia
CG
Mindy (coincidentally the only person here who knows my last name -- because of Fbook)
This makes me laugh as my blog friends imitate my friends in real life as every one on that list is a woman.
------
I really did have an actual post for today but with Marilyn's 22nd birthday starting up shortly -- first time going clubbing on a day other than Friday or Saturday -- I don't have the time tonight. Sorry. : )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARILYN!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Who Is The Odd Duck?
It may surprise some of you but this time last year I had no clue. I was suicidally depressed, in limbo at my parent's home, not eating at all, and it was a daily struggle to not go for the nearest knife and end it all. I honestly thought I was trash.
I think if I had known about blogging then, I'd have started up immediately. I was treated like a leper, as a failure, and other than Tinkerbell I had no one who really understood that I needed to just talk. I owe her my life.
Slowly I began to pull myself together. An improved Kendall, at least I think so. I'm only now starting to believe people when they say I am strong for not giving up. For not shutting Tinkerbell and later others out.
I have been through so much in my life. Rape, homelessness, depression, death, neglect and that's just what has directly affected me. Indirectly, if you name it, I've more than likely tried to help someone with it once in my life.
Now I am quickly approaching my 21st birthday. I have found love, a family. The people in my life, despite sharing no blood relation to me, give me faith in humanity every single day and I am blessed to know them.
I have learned to love myself.
I have learned to accept myself.
Now I need to work on forgiving myself. The hardest thing of all.
I am a junior at UNC-Chapel Hill. I am the boyfriend of a Duke nursing student. I am quickly stepping into the role of father to her 4 year-old. I am the teaching assistant to a truly amazing group of first graders. I am a Sunday school teacher who long ago hated God. I am a waiter whose coworkers have accepted me wholly. I am a friend whose friends are more family to him than anything.
These are my parts, but I am more than the sum of them.
I believe in second chances.
I believe that love can and does last.
I believe that there is no such thing as a "friend", there is only an acquaintance and then there is family for life.
I believe in taking life as it comes.
I believe that I was put on this Earth to help people.
I believe that your word is your bond and you should never break it.
I believe that as long as you have faith in something, that is all that matters.
I believe that children are something to be protected and nurtured but also that they are often capable of understanding more than we give them credit for.
I believe that to teach someone how to garden is to teach them how to care.
I believe that a great book is one you are sad to say goodbye to when it's finished.
I believe that the sound of a child laughing is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.
I believe that great cooking moves from the heart to the hands.
I believe that love is love is love, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual.
I believe that teaching is going to be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, and one of the most rewarding.
I believe in smiling through the tears.
I believe that there is always hope for a better tomorrow, we just have to be willing to fight for it today.
I am the odd duck.
These are my fears, dreams, tears, laughs, failures, and triumphs as I go through life.
These are my confessions.
I think if I had known about blogging then, I'd have started up immediately. I was treated like a leper, as a failure, and other than Tinkerbell I had no one who really understood that I needed to just talk. I owe her my life.
Slowly I began to pull myself together. An improved Kendall, at least I think so. I'm only now starting to believe people when they say I am strong for not giving up. For not shutting Tinkerbell and later others out.
I have been through so much in my life. Rape, homelessness, depression, death, neglect and that's just what has directly affected me. Indirectly, if you name it, I've more than likely tried to help someone with it once in my life.
Now I am quickly approaching my 21st birthday. I have found love, a family. The people in my life, despite sharing no blood relation to me, give me faith in humanity every single day and I am blessed to know them.
I have learned to love myself.
I have learned to accept myself.
Now I need to work on forgiving myself. The hardest thing of all.
I am a junior at UNC-Chapel Hill. I am the boyfriend of a Duke nursing student. I am quickly stepping into the role of father to her 4 year-old. I am the teaching assistant to a truly amazing group of first graders. I am a Sunday school teacher who long ago hated God. I am a waiter whose coworkers have accepted me wholly. I am a friend whose friends are more family to him than anything.
These are my parts, but I am more than the sum of them.
I believe in second chances.
I believe that love can and does last.
I believe that there is no such thing as a "friend", there is only an acquaintance and then there is family for life.
I believe in taking life as it comes.
I believe that I was put on this Earth to help people.
I believe that your word is your bond and you should never break it.
I believe that as long as you have faith in something, that is all that matters.
I believe that children are something to be protected and nurtured but also that they are often capable of understanding more than we give them credit for.
I believe that to teach someone how to garden is to teach them how to care.
I believe that a great book is one you are sad to say goodbye to when it's finished.
I believe that the sound of a child laughing is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.
I believe that great cooking moves from the heart to the hands.
I believe that love is love is love, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual.
I believe that teaching is going to be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, and one of the most rewarding.
I believe in smiling through the tears.
I believe that there is always hope for a better tomorrow, we just have to be willing to fight for it today.
I am the odd duck.
These are my fears, dreams, tears, laughs, failures, and triumphs as I go through life.
These are my confessions.
A Day To Just Be
Sometimes it is cathartic to spend time with your friends. So often I am too busy stressing to just chill. Too preoccupied with getting things done that I forget to relax.
Like a flashback to the summer; me, Eva, and Imogen spent a day just being our goofy selves. I had not realized just how much I missed this. School, and most specifically tests, did not exist today. Schedules were a thing of the past. Our only jobs were to have fun. There was no such thing as a budget.
This was just S, K, & C: The Comeback Tour.
I was completely destressed, a feeling I had forgotten over the last month.
I was just Kendall.
And damn if that didn't feel fantastic.
When was the last time you took a day to just live?
Like a flashback to the summer; me, Eva, and Imogen spent a day just being our goofy selves. I had not realized just how much I missed this. School, and most specifically tests, did not exist today. Schedules were a thing of the past. Our only jobs were to have fun. There was no such thing as a budget.
This was just S, K, & C: The Comeback Tour.
- Went out into the courtyard outside my apartment and attempted to tie dye some sheets. Ended up with more of the dye on ourselves than the sheet but it was still a blast.
- Made a huge pile of leaves to jump in. Now sporting a lovely scrape on my back from jumping in with Eva in my arms.
- Decided to take a trip to the pond and fed breadcrumbs to the ducks there. Had a butterfly land in my hand which was very cool.
- Had someone coming from the game (drunk as all get out) ask if we were all dating each other and commenting that I was a lucky bastard. Proceed to spend the next five minutes screwing with the poor guy's head.
- Watched Sweeney Todd and Juno. I was informed quite matter-of-factly by Imogen that I had a crush on Helena Bonham Carter, couldn't believably deny this charge. Loved the music so much that I had Limewire downloading the soundtracks to both during Juno.
- Made a pizza entirely from scratch with whatever toppings we could think of. According to Eva, "it's like my stomach is having an orgasm."
- Decided we hadn't had enough singing and went out to do some karaoke. Me and Eva got a standing ovation singing Aladdin's "A Whole New World" and Faith Hill & Tim McGraw's "It's Your Love". Deciding to do a silly song, we got Imogen on stage with us to sing Rocky Horror's "Time Warp." Great times.
- Came back to my apartment around 1 in the morning, all showered and changed into sleeping clothes, and camped out in my living room. Decided to be complete nerds and tell ghost stories with requisite flashlight.
- Woke up with Eva snuggled against my back and Imogen's foot almost in my eye.
- Decided to hit up IHOP for breakfast. Mmm, french toast. Me and Imogen proved we really were 5 at heart and spent a good bit of time flicking bits of hashbrown at each other.
- Imogen went home and me and Eva headed back to my apartment. Not sure who kissed who first but we end up having quite lovely slow sex. Afterward take a nap curled up together.
- See her home, decide to crawl in bed and continue reading A Lion Among Men.
I was completely destressed, a feeling I had forgotten over the last month.
I was just Kendall.
And damn if that didn't feel fantastic.
When was the last time you took a day to just live?
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