On Broken Wings and Relearning to Fly Part II

It took me a good portion of the summer months to believe that Eva had not made a mistake in liking, and later loving me. It honestly surprised me that she was so patient with my issues. There was still a dilemma though.

Could I love her? Could I open myself up again? Would I end up making the same mistakes all over again?

I had to try. I wanted our relationship to work and was willing to work at it. I remember sitting with her in her living room and telling her the worst of me, not wanting her to find out down the road and it cause trust issues. And, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I wanted to see if she would think I was no good and call things off.

Imagine my shock when she merely thanked me and said she was proud of me for being open about it.

So throughout the summer, we spent time together and generally had a blast. Took lots of trips to the park, went with her and her family to Myrtle Beach, went to more movies than I ever have in one summer, did a lot of cooking, and for the first time since September 2007, I was on my way to being happy with my lot in life.

I tried to completely get over Tinkerbell, I had always been told you should put your ex out of your mind. The following snippet of conversation changed that.

Eva: She was your first love and even now, you want her to be happy. It would be unlike you to stop loving someone.
Me: But isn't that a bad thing in this case?
Eva: You're Kendall. I don't think you could help it if you tried. And honestly, that's a good thing. Your heart is too big not to love people.

I decided to give her advice to try and not worry about it so much. Lo and behold, I was much happier with myself as a result.

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” - Leo F. Buscagilia

Life is funny in that you only learn the lessons after you've taken the test. I have accepted myself and am working on loving myself. Forgiving myself? That's still a work in progress but I am hopeful.

In a complete turnaround from the last post which had me crying, this one just makes me want to call Eva up, curl up on the couch with a blanket, and enjoy her company.

I think I like this idea.

Here's hoping you all find a little love in your lives,

Kendall (The Odd Duck)