Who Is The Odd Duck?

It may surprise some of you but this time last year I had no clue. I was suicidally depressed, in limbo at my parent's home, not eating at all, and it was a daily struggle to not go for the nearest knife and end it all. I honestly thought I was trash.

I think if I had known about blogging then, I'd have started up immediately. I was treated like a leper, as a failure, and other than Tinkerbell I had no one who really understood that I needed to just talk. I owe her my life.

Slowly I began to pull myself together. An improved Kendall, at least I think so. I'm only now starting to believe people when they say I am strong for not giving up. For not shutting Tinkerbell and later others out.

I have been through so much in my life. Rape, homelessness, depression, death, neglect and that's just what has directly affected me. Indirectly, if you name it, I've more than likely tried to help someone with it once in my life.

Now I am quickly approaching my 21st birthday. I have found love, a family. The people in my life, despite sharing no blood relation to me, give me faith in humanity every single day and I am blessed to know them.

I have learned to love myself.

I have learned to accept myself.

Now I need to work on forgiving myself. The hardest thing of all.

I am a junior at UNC-Chapel Hill. I am the boyfriend of a Duke nursing student. I am quickly stepping into the role of father to her 4 year-old. I am the teaching assistant to a truly amazing group of first graders. I am a Sunday school teacher who long ago hated God. I am a waiter whose coworkers have accepted me wholly. I am a friend whose friends are more family to him than anything.

These are my parts, but I am more than the sum of them.

I believe in second chances.

I believe that love can and does last.

I believe that there is no such thing as a "friend", there is only an acquaintance and then there is family for life.

I believe in taking life as it comes.

I believe that I was put on this Earth to help people.

I believe that your word is your bond and you should never break it.

I believe that as long as you have faith in something, that is all that matters.

I believe that children are something to be protected and nurtured but also that they are often capable of understanding more than we give them credit for.

I believe that to teach someone how to garden is to teach them how to care.

I believe that a great book is one you are sad to say goodbye to when it's finished.

I believe that the sound of a child laughing is one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

I believe that great cooking moves from the heart to the hands.

I believe that love is love is love, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual.

I believe that teaching is going to be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, and one of the most rewarding.

I believe in smiling through the tears.

I believe that there is always hope for a better tomorrow, we just have to be willing to fight for it today.

I am the odd duck.

These are my fears, dreams, tears, laughs, failures, and triumphs as I go through life.

These are my confessions.