(Note From the Management: The opinions expressed in the Speak Out Series are those of their individual writer and not necessarily shared by myself. The only influence I have on this is showing them how to post and letting them use my password. Thank you.)
R: Hi I'm Ruth.
I: And I'm Imogen, whose significance I just figured out the other week. Kendall was amused.
R: He's easily amused anyway so I'm not surprised to hear this. Anywho, your dear Odd Duck has allowed us to take his blog hostage for the day while he gallivants around with Eva and Daybreak tonight in search of lots of candy.
I: We had to think pretty hard about what we wanted to write about and then the news literally hands it into our laps.
R: California's Proposition 8, ladies and gents.
I: Now as a couple who happens to like the supposed penis, we have often caught flack from people telling us we're going to Hell or very not subtle propositions from guys saying they can cure us.
R: However, probably the hardest part of all was coming out to our families. I grew up with a very conservative Southern Baptist mom, who often condemned gay people to go to Hell.
I: Even though people think I'm Hindi because I'm Indian, I am not religious at all. My adopted family isn't either so it was just slightly awkward. Ruth though, well she needed some help.
R: It was this past summer when I told Kendall and Eva I was gay. Eva I knew would still be my friend since we had been since we were in diapers and Kendall is the lesbian's fag hag so there was no chance of him having a problem with it. They both went with me when I told my mom I was gay. At one point in her yelling, I had had enough and walked away in tears. Eva came after me while he talked my mom down.
I: Have either of them told you what was said that day?
R: All my mom will say is that I have very loyal friends and all Kendall will say is that he did what he could to help her see that she had hurt me.
I: I remember our first double date with those two. I had met Eva once and had only heard of Kendall. He made sure to sit across from me in that IHOP and when I finally met his eyes, I saw him making a bunch of goofy faces.
R: They're our friends, they wanted you to be comfortable and it worked. But we've gotten off topic. There is now a proposition to repeal the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. I honestly wish I lived in California so I could vote against it but alas, all we can do is spread the word.
I: One more thing, those who think we are going to Hell for loving each other? We'll be sure to save you seats.
R & I: Thanks bunches!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
"Will You Be My Neighbour?"
Here's the skinny. I'm walking home from work when I notice a man of about middle age across from a jack-o-lantern display. I would have turned away and kept walking were it not for the fact that he carried a large white sign that proclaimed DO AWAY WITH HALLOWEEN. Even better, he very very much resembled Fred Rogers.
For those of you who are new here, I love Halloween. It's even more exciting than Christmas to me. So saying I was a tad disturbed by this would be an understatement. After the debacle with the two McCain supporters, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.
You would think.
So yet again I meander up to this protester and ask him what issue he takes with this holiday.
Kendall versus the Protester. Take Two. Ohhhhh...LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMBLE!
Me: Excuse me Sir, but what does Satan have to do with Halloween?
Mr. Rogers: It is a Pagan holiday and has no place in a Christian country.
Me: I suppose that logic makes sense were it not for two things.
Mr. Rogers: And what would those be, young man?
Me: One, this isn't a Christian country. Two, one of the biggest holidays of the Christian calendar started off as a pagan holiday.
Mr. Rogers: Son, words change meaning all the time. Christmas is no longer a pagan holiday. I personally do not see the good in it from a spiritual or mental point of view.
Me: I think Halloween has become our one holiday where there is no better meaning. It's just meant to be fun.
Mr. Rogers: On that we agree, however, I don't feel comfortable with the fact there is nothing to really celebrate. It's merely an excuse to scare the dickens out of other folks.
Me: I can respect that stance. I've known families who would do other things on Halloween since they didn't agree with it. But now that I think about it, I think there is a greater lesson to Halloween.
Mr. Rogers: And what would that be Son?
Me: That no one should take themselves too seriously.
And the Mr. Rogers look-alike chuckled at that one, agreeing on this point. We ended up chatting for a few more minutes until I said I had to go.
Me: Sir, may I ask you a question?
Mr. Rogers: Go right ahead.
Me: Will you be my neighbour?
Mr. Rogers threw his head back and laughed. He looked at me with a smile and said, "I get that a lot."
So today I learned the meaning of Halloween. Or puzzled it out I suppose would be more accurate. At least it's better than waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise. Poor Linus.
The moral of today's story? Don't take yourself so seriously. If only for this one night of the year.
And in the spirit of that lesson, I shall leave you with a rather appropriate song from my favourite movie of all time.
Happy Halloween Folks!
For those of you who are new here, I love Halloween. It's even more exciting than Christmas to me. So saying I was a tad disturbed by this would be an understatement. After the debacle with the two McCain supporters, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.
You would think.
So yet again I meander up to this protester and ask him what issue he takes with this holiday.
Kendall versus the Protester. Take Two. Ohhhhh...LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMBLE!
Me: Excuse me Sir, but what does Satan have to do with Halloween?
Mr. Rogers: It is a Pagan holiday and has no place in a Christian country.
Me: I suppose that logic makes sense were it not for two things.
Mr. Rogers: And what would those be, young man?
Me: One, this isn't a Christian country. Two, one of the biggest holidays of the Christian calendar started off as a pagan holiday.
Mr. Rogers: Son, words change meaning all the time. Christmas is no longer a pagan holiday. I personally do not see the good in it from a spiritual or mental point of view.
Me: I think Halloween has become our one holiday where there is no better meaning. It's just meant to be fun.
Mr. Rogers: On that we agree, however, I don't feel comfortable with the fact there is nothing to really celebrate. It's merely an excuse to scare the dickens out of other folks.
Me: I can respect that stance. I've known families who would do other things on Halloween since they didn't agree with it. But now that I think about it, I think there is a greater lesson to Halloween.
Mr. Rogers: And what would that be Son?
Me: That no one should take themselves too seriously.
And the Mr. Rogers look-alike chuckled at that one, agreeing on this point. We ended up chatting for a few more minutes until I said I had to go.
Me: Sir, may I ask you a question?
Mr. Rogers: Go right ahead.
Me: Will you be my neighbour?
Mr. Rogers threw his head back and laughed. He looked at me with a smile and said, "I get that a lot."
So today I learned the meaning of Halloween. Or puzzled it out I suppose would be more accurate. At least it's better than waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise. Poor Linus.
The moral of today's story? Don't take yourself so seriously. If only for this one night of the year.
And in the spirit of that lesson, I shall leave you with a rather appropriate song from my favourite movie of all time.
Happy Halloween Folks!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Day The Innocence Died
Eating lunch with a group of my Bio classmates, we somehow stumbled upon the topic of frat parties and date rape. The girls shared about how they never let their drinks out of their sight while us guys talked about keeping an eye on our female friends. The conversation had moved to more pleasant subjects when one jackass from the table over makes the comment that any one stupid enough to be raped, had it coming.
Please allow me to explain something. I think rapists are the scum of the earth along with child abusers and murderers. So when this guy said this as if it was common sense, I had to fight down the urge to throw down right there. Thankfully, The Ginger had to have a death grip on my wrist so I wouldn't make a move.
In the urge to protect one of my secrets, I quickly calmed myself down. Apparently not quick enough. The Ginger pulled me around the corner and asked why I took what that guy said so personally. I felt exposed. I stamped out (barely) the tremor in my voice as I told her that it was personal to me.
Why?
Well because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. One day in the early fall of 1996, my innocence was obliterated behind a neighboring house. I was held down by four guys who decided to have some fun with the kid who thought he could run his mouth to them.
Two things I took away from that experience.
No one ever ASKS to be raped and to think such tripe goes beyond ignorance into inhumane territory. If you yourself are a victim of rape or any type of sexual abuse, I urge you to seek help somewhere either from a professional or from a highly trusted friend or relative.
You are not alone.
You are not worthless.
You DID NOT DESERVE IT.
Remember There Is Help...There Is Hope.
Please allow me to explain something. I think rapists are the scum of the earth along with child abusers and murderers. So when this guy said this as if it was common sense, I had to fight down the urge to throw down right there. Thankfully, The Ginger had to have a death grip on my wrist so I wouldn't make a move.
In the urge to protect one of my secrets, I quickly calmed myself down. Apparently not quick enough. The Ginger pulled me around the corner and asked why I took what that guy said so personally. I felt exposed. I stamped out (barely) the tremor in my voice as I told her that it was personal to me.
Why?
Well because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. One day in the early fall of 1996, my innocence was obliterated behind a neighboring house. I was held down by four guys who decided to have some fun with the kid who thought he could run his mouth to them.
Two things I took away from that experience.
- Adults are useless. I remember going home and doing what I could to clean myself. I remember my mom asking how my day was. I said it was OK. Showing just how much she knew her oldest child, she believed me. I think that's when I gave up on her.
- Sex is pain. I was terrified of sex for most of my life. I thought of myself as used goods until Tinkerbell held me and told me that couldn't be farther from the truth. I was stunned. She knew I had been raped and still thought I was worth something? I'm sad to say but it made no sense to me that she would not turn me away at that point. That night, I got over my fear of physical intimacy for good.That night, I finally cried.
No one ever ASKS to be raped and to think such tripe goes beyond ignorance into inhumane territory. If you yourself are a victim of rape or any type of sexual abuse, I urge you to seek help somewhere either from a professional or from a highly trusted friend or relative.
You are not alone.
You are not worthless.
You DID NOT DESERVE IT.
Remember There Is Help...There Is Hope.
Don't Put Those Dirty Lips On Me
I found Mama's Losin' It through my friend Diane. The amazing thing about this site is that she gives a list of weekly writing prompts. This week, I chose to write from the point of view of a glass at the edge of the table.
5...4...3...2...1...
I wonder if people realize just how much they say when they assume nothing is listening. Obviously none of these meat sacks has ever seen Toy Story.
Something I always wondered...who was smoking the hemp when the expression "glass half empty/full" came about? I'm always full. Don't believe me? Even I know that everything has mass, even air. So when you have it pushing at your insides like a particularly righteous case of gas, you know it's there.
Another question: Do you meat sacks realize how truly disgusting your lips and hands are? What, it's only harassment when it's another meat sack? I call racism. Yeah, I said it. Racism. I'm only a year old. That's illegal right? Someone call that Chris Hansen guy, I'm sure he'll help me out.
Ooh here comes the lady of the house. The one semi-decent meat sack in this hive of scum and villainy. She doesn't put her lips on me, she always uses a straw which I'm so thankful for. Wait, where she is taking me? Oh no, not the dishwasher! Come on lady, I've done nothing to deserve this! I'd like to see you go through a car wash and see how you like it!
Well fu--- *gurgle*
5...4...3...2...1...
I wonder if people realize just how much they say when they assume nothing is listening. Obviously none of these meat sacks has ever seen Toy Story.
Something I always wondered...who was smoking the hemp when the expression "glass half empty/full" came about? I'm always full. Don't believe me? Even I know that everything has mass, even air. So when you have it pushing at your insides like a particularly righteous case of gas, you know it's there.
Another question: Do you meat sacks realize how truly disgusting your lips and hands are? What, it's only harassment when it's another meat sack? I call racism. Yeah, I said it. Racism. I'm only a year old. That's illegal right? Someone call that Chris Hansen guy, I'm sure he'll help me out.
Ooh here comes the lady of the house. The one semi-decent meat sack in this hive of scum and villainy. She doesn't put her lips on me, she always uses a straw which I'm so thankful for. Wait, where she is taking me? Oh no, not the dishwasher! Come on lady, I've done nothing to deserve this! I'd like to see you go through a car wash and see how you like it!
Well fu--- *gurgle*
Monday, October 27, 2008
A Letter To Heaven
For those expecting a post of my normal length tonight, I'm sorry to disappoint. My heart just isn't in it.
I was in Bio lecture when I happened to look down at my cell phone and noticed the date. Like a strike from Zeus himself, the significance of today hit me. In that moment, I felt like someone had my heart in an unforgiving vice grip. My vision began to blur as tears crept into the corners of my eyes.
A year ago today, the woman who restored my faith in family, died as a result of a collision with a drunk driver. She was the one who decided to help an 8 year-old boy learn to love reading and slowly, through pure heart and stubbornness, showed she cared for and even loved him as her own. Two weeks before this, she had found out she was pregnant.
When my life went to hell last year, she was one of the handful of people I could talk to. I regret not telling her just how much she meant to me while she was still alive.
Even though we were in no way related, I had thought of her as my Mom from the time I was 14 and even now. Ironically, I found out later she and her wife had long considered adopting me. I finally felt wanted for once.
You should see Mami, she looks like she's ready to pop any day now. Hopefully I'll get up to Mass for Christmas and sometime after Los Gemelos Nuevos are born to see her. I promise to be a fantastic big brother/godfather to them. She has found love again in an old friend, you'd approve. R can even keep her from being her normal hotheaded self which I know you'd appreciate.
Mom, I would like to say a few things. I love you, I can't stress that enough and I hope I'm doing you proud. I look forward to the day I can see you again. We'll sip sweet tea (I know a bunch of people, yourself included, who'd be madder than wet hornets if Heaven had no sweet tea) and I'll tell you all about my crazy adventures. But until then, I can rest easy knowing you haven't stopped watching out for me.
Su Hijo,
Kendall
P. S. When I finally get where you are, you bring the coffee and I'll bring the cake.
I was in Bio lecture when I happened to look down at my cell phone and noticed the date. Like a strike from Zeus himself, the significance of today hit me. In that moment, I felt like someone had my heart in an unforgiving vice grip. My vision began to blur as tears crept into the corners of my eyes.
A year ago today, the woman who restored my faith in family, died as a result of a collision with a drunk driver. She was the one who decided to help an 8 year-old boy learn to love reading and slowly, through pure heart and stubbornness, showed she cared for and even loved him as her own. Two weeks before this, she had found out she was pregnant.
When my life went to hell last year, she was one of the handful of people I could talk to. I regret not telling her just how much she meant to me while she was still alive.
Even though we were in no way related, I had thought of her as my Mom from the time I was 14 and even now. Ironically, I found out later she and her wife had long considered adopting me. I finally felt wanted for once.
You should see Mami, she looks like she's ready to pop any day now. Hopefully I'll get up to Mass for Christmas and sometime after Los Gemelos Nuevos are born to see her. I promise to be a fantastic big brother/godfather to them. She has found love again in an old friend, you'd approve. R can even keep her from being her normal hotheaded self which I know you'd appreciate.
Mom, I would like to say a few things. I love you, I can't stress that enough and I hope I'm doing you proud. I look forward to the day I can see you again. We'll sip sweet tea (I know a bunch of people, yourself included, who'd be madder than wet hornets if Heaven had no sweet tea) and I'll tell you all about my crazy adventures. But until then, I can rest easy knowing you haven't stopped watching out for me.
Su Hijo,
Kendall
P. S. When I finally get where you are, you bring the coffee and I'll bring the cake.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
"When I Get Where I'm Goin'"
With my 21st birthday creeping up on me slowly but surely, I feel like Atlas. With graduation only 46 credits away, I feel like all the air is being sucked from the room. At the risk of sounding like a whiny college student, the future scares the living daylights out of me.
The weird part is that it's not the job market that scares me. I know teachers are needed everywhere and with Teach For America, I shouldn't have too much difficulty making it in the door.
It's not the election. No matter who wins, although I've made it fairly obvious who I voted for, the world will go on either way. Is there very high potential for rough times? Yes but America's a tough old broad and she won't give up without fighting with all the grit she has.
It's not the idea of being independent from my parents that scares me. Emotionally, I've been independent since I was in my early teens. Financially, I have been since about July. So that isn't it either.
In my heart of hearts, the one I hide behind smiles and a seemingly easy-going nature, I know what the problem is. I just hate admitting to it.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a family of my own. Despite everything I've seen and gone through, I still want to believe in happily ever after. No matter how much my mind tries to pull life support on that hope, it has yet to die. I'm realizing now that it likely never will.
I was dancing with Daybreak while she stood on my toes when she looks up at me and asks, "when are you and Mommy going to give me a little sister?" I very nearly tripped but caught myself at the last moment. A sister? While I managed to say "I didn't know if that would happen" and act OK on the outside, on the inside was another matter entirely.
While Eva was helping Daybreak change into the new outfits she received for her birthday, Eva's mom pulled me off to the side and asked what my plans were regarding Eva. I had an idea as to where she was going with this but decided to be diplomatic and said I didn't want to move too fast.
She looked at me for a moment before telling me, in an almost chiding tone, not to let fear rule me. Before I could even ask what she was talking about, she told me to think about it then strode off to talk with Eva's older sisters who were sipping wine coolers.
When I was changing into my clown costume later that day, I found a single index card in my pocket. In Eva's mother's handwriting, it said:
Earlier this morning, Eva was curled up against my side while Daybreak was using my chest as a pillow. And looking at them, I realize I do treat them like family. I felt Eva move closer and smiled.
Do I know where I'll be in the unknown future?
No.
And thinking back to the morning, of watching two of the most important people in my life sleeping...the unknown doesn't seem so ominous anymore.
Quite honestly, I'm...dare I say it...looking forward to what tomorrow brings.
The weird part is that it's not the job market that scares me. I know teachers are needed everywhere and with Teach For America, I shouldn't have too much difficulty making it in the door.
It's not the election. No matter who wins, although I've made it fairly obvious who I voted for, the world will go on either way. Is there very high potential for rough times? Yes but America's a tough old broad and she won't give up without fighting with all the grit she has.
It's not the idea of being independent from my parents that scares me. Emotionally, I've been independent since I was in my early teens. Financially, I have been since about July. So that isn't it either.
In my heart of hearts, the one I hide behind smiles and a seemingly easy-going nature, I know what the problem is. I just hate admitting to it.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a family of my own. Despite everything I've seen and gone through, I still want to believe in happily ever after. No matter how much my mind tries to pull life support on that hope, it has yet to die. I'm realizing now that it likely never will.
I was dancing with Daybreak while she stood on my toes when she looks up at me and asks, "when are you and Mommy going to give me a little sister?" I very nearly tripped but caught myself at the last moment. A sister? While I managed to say "I didn't know if that would happen" and act OK on the outside, on the inside was another matter entirely.
While Eva was helping Daybreak change into the new outfits she received for her birthday, Eva's mom pulled me off to the side and asked what my plans were regarding Eva. I had an idea as to where she was going with this but decided to be diplomatic and said I didn't want to move too fast.
She looked at me for a moment before telling me, in an almost chiding tone, not to let fear rule me. Before I could even ask what she was talking about, she told me to think about it then strode off to talk with Eva's older sisters who were sipping wine coolers.
When I was changing into my clown costume later that day, I found a single index card in my pocket. In Eva's mother's handwriting, it said:
"Do not be afraid to live, to laugh and to love. My daughter and my granddaughter both trust you so trust in yourself to have the strength to follow your heart. It won't lead you astray.
Know that if and when the time comes, you have my blessing."
Earlier this morning, Eva was curled up against my side while Daybreak was using my chest as a pillow. And looking at them, I realize I do treat them like family. I felt Eva move closer and smiled.
Do I know where I'll be in the unknown future?
No.
And thinking back to the morning, of watching two of the most important people in my life sleeping...the unknown doesn't seem so ominous anymore.
Quite honestly, I'm...dare I say it...looking forward to what tomorrow brings.
And I'm Not Even Blaming My Dog
Dear Internet,
I know. I know. I haven't written anything since Thursday and even that was just passing along the Kreativ Blogger Award. I have an excuse and I promise it's better than any cock-and-bull story you ever told your teachers/parents/bosses/various disappointees.
As some of you may or may not know, I kind of had a packed weekend between Daybreak's 4th birthday party yesterday morning/afternoon at her Grandma's and the Haunted Lab Friday night and last night.
Friday:
7:25 Educational Theory Lecture
9:00 Theater Appreciation - usually a fun class as there is a lot of improv but this was mostly a lecture day. I ended up surfing the internet instead of listening. Oops. Did watch the last two acts of Medea though. All throughout, "Cruella De Vil" was playing through my head.
12:00-3:30: In the Lab building, making a maze, hanging plastic to block off hallways, decorating each individual scene. I have never had to move so many tables in my life.
3:30-4:30: Me and The Ginger hit up places like the mall, Wal Mart, Target, trying to sell ourselves. The Ginger got hit on. As she was wearing a short white dress with a good bit of cleavage showing, she was hit on a lot. She was pissed; I was amused.
4:30-5:00: Eat a free chick fil-a sandwich and change into costumes, I practice with the chainsaw so I can start it within 20 seconds easily.
5:30-10:30: Showtime!
11:00: get home, catch up on missed calls, shower, then bed
Saturday
7:30-9: I make Daybreak a batch of cupcakes for her birthday then meet her and Eva for breakfast at Perkin's in Durham. Yet again, I am the only black person in the joint. Eva makes many jokes at this. After that we hit the road for Eva's mom's place for the party.
9:30: Road trip to Eva's mom's for the party.
10:30-3:30: Arrive, help set up, the most hilarious game of duck-duck-goose ever, food, cake, presents, everyone mingles outside on the deck, at this point I have to head back for the second night of the haunted house.
5:00: Back in costume, chainsaw primed and ready, looking forward to chasing screamers across the parking lot again
7:24: I am chasing a woman down the sidewalk when I fail to the notice a puddle. My right leg slides inward and I hit the ground. Hard. End up spraining the knee. To my further embarrassment, this is caught on tape.
8:00: I have found a replacement and taught him what to do. I take over as a tour guide for the portion of our haunted house taking place in the woods. My basic job was to make my group of 10-15 people more paranoid than they all ready were. Judging by the shrieks and scattering later, I think I did my job well.
10:00: We pack it in for the night and we get to hear our total earnings for both nights. Over two grand, folks! That means we had over 400 people come through which is amazing.
10:30: We're all hungry so we take about seven cars and basically take over the local Chico's until 12 when we're pretty much kicked out.
12:30: Finally home. Shower immediately then straight to bed.
Best quotes of the weekend:
M: What's up negro...oh snap, you really are black! My bad, my bad.
K: (the most deadpan voice ever) Oh no, I been bit.
Me: (after hearing one girl say the haunted house wasn't so bad) We'll see about that. (run from my hiding spot with chainsaw in hand, scattering and screaming ensue)
Scared Girl: I'm not scared. I'm not scared.
Me (walking behind her with the chainsaw in the parking lot) Then why are you walking so fast?
Scared Girl: I'm not scared! (I rev the motor) AHHHHH! (takes off)
Me: We need to hit up Wal-Mart.
The Ginger: Why?
Me: Because there is no other place as scary. Just think of the mullets.
Daybreak: Papa, when are you and Mommy going to give me a little sister?
Eva(dancing with me at the party): I'm surprised Daybreak let me have you to myself for a few minutes.
Me: Your mom is excellent distraction.
Eva: Amen to that.
Shaner: Our MVP of the night, the man who had us laughing our asses off as he took off after people with a chainsaw. He made one man twice his size run to his car and lock himself in. Our psycho clown, Kendall A---.
Me: (standing up in the restaurant) You like me. (wipes away a fake tear) You really do like me.
So see Internet, I have a perfectly viable excuse for the lack of updates the last few days.
Better than saying "my dog ate them".
Marching to the beat of my own drum,
- Kendall (The Odd Duck)
I know. I know. I haven't written anything since Thursday and even that was just passing along the Kreativ Blogger Award. I have an excuse and I promise it's better than any cock-and-bull story you ever told your teachers/parents/bosses/various disappointees.
As some of you may or may not know, I kind of had a packed weekend between Daybreak's 4th birthday party yesterday morning/afternoon at her Grandma's and the Haunted Lab Friday night and last night.
Friday:
7:25 Educational Theory Lecture
9:00 Theater Appreciation - usually a fun class as there is a lot of improv but this was mostly a lecture day. I ended up surfing the internet instead of listening. Oops. Did watch the last two acts of Medea though. All throughout, "Cruella De Vil" was playing through my head.
12:00-3:30: In the Lab building, making a maze, hanging plastic to block off hallways, decorating each individual scene. I have never had to move so many tables in my life.
3:30-4:30: Me and The Ginger hit up places like the mall, Wal Mart, Target, trying to sell ourselves. The Ginger got hit on. As she was wearing a short white dress with a good bit of cleavage showing, she was hit on a lot. She was pissed; I was amused.
4:30-5:00: Eat a free chick fil-a sandwich and change into costumes, I practice with the chainsaw so I can start it within 20 seconds easily.
5:30-10:30: Showtime!
11:00: get home, catch up on missed calls, shower, then bed
Saturday
7:30-9: I make Daybreak a batch of cupcakes for her birthday then meet her and Eva for breakfast at Perkin's in Durham. Yet again, I am the only black person in the joint. Eva makes many jokes at this. After that we hit the road for Eva's mom's place for the party.
9:30: Road trip to Eva's mom's for the party.
10:30-3:30: Arrive, help set up, the most hilarious game of duck-duck-goose ever, food, cake, presents, everyone mingles outside on the deck, at this point I have to head back for the second night of the haunted house.
5:00: Back in costume, chainsaw primed and ready, looking forward to chasing screamers across the parking lot again
7:24: I am chasing a woman down the sidewalk when I fail to the notice a puddle. My right leg slides inward and I hit the ground. Hard. End up spraining the knee. To my further embarrassment, this is caught on tape.
8:00: I have found a replacement and taught him what to do. I take over as a tour guide for the portion of our haunted house taking place in the woods. My basic job was to make my group of 10-15 people more paranoid than they all ready were. Judging by the shrieks and scattering later, I think I did my job well.
10:00: We pack it in for the night and we get to hear our total earnings for both nights. Over two grand, folks! That means we had over 400 people come through which is amazing.
10:30: We're all hungry so we take about seven cars and basically take over the local Chico's until 12 when we're pretty much kicked out.
12:30: Finally home. Shower immediately then straight to bed.
Best quotes of the weekend:
M: What's up negro...oh snap, you really are black! My bad, my bad.
K: (the most deadpan voice ever) Oh no, I been bit.
Me: (after hearing one girl say the haunted house wasn't so bad) We'll see about that. (run from my hiding spot with chainsaw in hand, scattering and screaming ensue)
Scared Girl: I'm not scared. I'm not scared.
Me (walking behind her with the chainsaw in the parking lot) Then why are you walking so fast?
Scared Girl: I'm not scared! (I rev the motor) AHHHHH! (takes off)
Me: We need to hit up Wal-Mart.
The Ginger: Why?
Me: Because there is no other place as scary. Just think of the mullets.
Daybreak: Papa, when are you and Mommy going to give me a little sister?
Eva(dancing with me at the party): I'm surprised Daybreak let me have you to myself for a few minutes.
Me: Your mom is excellent distraction.
Eva: Amen to that.
Shaner: Our MVP of the night, the man who had us laughing our asses off as he took off after people with a chainsaw. He made one man twice his size run to his car and lock himself in. Our psycho clown, Kendall A---.
Me: (standing up in the restaurant) You like me. (wipes away a fake tear) You really do like me.
So see Internet, I have a perfectly viable excuse for the lack of updates the last few days.
Better than saying "my dog ate them".
Marching to the beat of my own drum,
- Kendall (The Odd Duck)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I Haz Award!
So this morning I received my very first award for blogging from the wonderful Diane over at Diane's Addled Ramblings. Cue megawatt smile. Were I not a state away, I'd give her a gift but alas I'll just send her some link love from time to time.
Now there are two rules for receiving this award. One, I have to list 6 things I love and then I have to pass 6 people to pass this on to.
Things I love...
1. Books. I've often heard that one day books will only be stored electronically and that thought breaks my heart. As someone who practically grew up in a library, nothing can replace the feel of the pages or the intimacy of curling up with a good book. Things a computer screen can't replicate.
2. Making people laugh, I'm a firm believer in the Patch Adams school of thought. That if you treat a person, you always win.
3. Cooking for the people I care about. I've been told I seem to have been designed to want to take care of others, I'm starting to believe it.
4. Seeing the look on a child's face when they understand what you are trying to teach them. It was this look that convinced me teaching is what I wanted to do with my life.
5. Being a writer. It is easy to write words down on paper. It is far more difficult to give those words meaning.
6. Kissing. Slow and lazy or passionate and burning. I love them all.
Today nominee's are...
1. Katie over at I Know This Much Is True. She works in the law industry and still holds onto her humanity. She also has an old-school charm that I find endearing.
2. Summer over at Blogfully Yours. Her posts often make me smile, laugh, and think which is truly what it's all about.
3. Tricia over at The Silver Lining. Somehow a Texas mom to two little boys transplanted in Michigan. Somehow, she even manages to make it work.
4. Mindy over at A MinD in MoTown. Another transplant, this one from Pennsylvania to my own state. Her posts are always good for a dose of liberalism and wit.
5. Tiff over at A Bit Of Miss Tiff. The first friend I ever made blogging and my general go-to person for tech questions. Her posts always make me laugh.
6. Black Hockey Jesus over at The Wind In Your Vagina. If you like laughing and having your thoughts provoked, give him a look-see.
Now there are two rules for receiving this award. One, I have to list 6 things I love and then I have to pass 6 people to pass this on to.
Things I love...
1. Books. I've often heard that one day books will only be stored electronically and that thought breaks my heart. As someone who practically grew up in a library, nothing can replace the feel of the pages or the intimacy of curling up with a good book. Things a computer screen can't replicate.
2. Making people laugh, I'm a firm believer in the Patch Adams school of thought. That if you treat a person, you always win.
3. Cooking for the people I care about. I've been told I seem to have been designed to want to take care of others, I'm starting to believe it.
4. Seeing the look on a child's face when they understand what you are trying to teach them. It was this look that convinced me teaching is what I wanted to do with my life.
5. Being a writer. It is easy to write words down on paper. It is far more difficult to give those words meaning.
6. Kissing. Slow and lazy or passionate and burning. I love them all.
Today nominee's are...
1. Katie over at I Know This Much Is True. She works in the law industry and still holds onto her humanity. She also has an old-school charm that I find endearing.
2. Summer over at Blogfully Yours. Her posts often make me smile, laugh, and think which is truly what it's all about.
3. Tricia over at The Silver Lining. Somehow a Texas mom to two little boys transplanted in Michigan. Somehow, she even manages to make it work.
4. Mindy over at A MinD in MoTown. Another transplant, this one from Pennsylvania to my own state. Her posts are always good for a dose of liberalism and wit.
5. Tiff over at A Bit Of Miss Tiff. The first friend I ever made blogging and my general go-to person for tech questions. Her posts always make me laugh.
6. Black Hockey Jesus over at The Wind In Your Vagina. If you like laughing and having your thoughts provoked, give him a look-see.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
"I Have A Dream Today"
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.
On August 28, 1963, a pastor in his mid 30's, gave an awe-inspiring speech to over 250,000 civil rights supporters from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. He expressed his desire of a future where black, whites, and other groups could live together in harmony. That man, of course, was the Reverend Dr. King himself.
I grew up on stories of the Million Man March. The Godmother has shown me pictures of her, Uncle E, and Aunt J on the lawn of the Lincoln Memorial that day in August. My Grandpa told me stories of Klansmen coming by one day to cause his father trouble when he was a boy on their farm. I've heard the stories of the Civil Rights Movement from people who lived it. People who always reminded me to make full use out of every opportunity afforded me as things were not always so.
In the 45 years since Dr. King shared his dream, things have changed greatly. The fact that I write this as student at the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill is proof positive of that. However, we still seem to struggle when it comes to how we treat people in our everyday lives.
Mom: "Have you voted?"
Me: "I went earlier today after class."
Mom: "Did you vote for Obama?"
Me: "Can you really see me voting for a Republican?"
Mom: "Good, you should see our neighbors now. It must drive them crazy that we're voting for him."
Me: "That's because our neighbors are Republicans for some reason. One I don't really pretend to understand. I'll have to ask next time I come visit."
Mom: "The only reason they're voting for them is because they're white and don't want to see a black man as President."
I remember last year when people said race would not be an issue in this election. I also remember thinking, "if only that were true". My mom cannot conceive of any other reason why someone would vote for McCain other than they're racist. Is this true for some? Experience tells me yes. But I can't believe it holds true for every single McCain supporter. If that's true then apparently The Bait, Tinkerbell, Dolly, Pippi, and a vast majority of the people I go to church with are all closet racists.
I flashback to last week and to how put off I was when that woman decided the only reason I was voting for Obama was because he was (half) black. I try and explain to my mom that I'm not going to assume that's the only reason a white person would vote for McCain. She came right out and said I had no idea what racism was like.
I remember being called a halfie and blue-eyed monkey as a kid for my eye color.
I remember one jackass telling me the only reason I made it into Advanced Placement classes was because I was a nigger who needed a helping hand.
I remember my first, and only, blind date looking disgusted upon meeting me and uttering, "oh, I didn't know you were black."
I remember Tinkerbell telling me about how her father said he'd rather she be gay than date a black guy.
I remember the many, many arguments I've had with my Grandmother over the fact that I trust a white person enough to date them and should know better.
I remember my cousin expousing how much he hated the white man and all he represented and wondering how in the world I am related to this man.
I remember the time a woman threatened to pepper spray me because I was walking back from a test at night and was trying to move past her to the lot where my car was.
I remember going to a certain music store that was fairly crowded when I came in and being watched like a hawk the entire time I was there in the fear that I might steal something.
I remember the rage and despair I felt as I had to explain to the girl who is increasingly becoming my daughter, still shy of four years old, what the term "nigger lover" meant.
Oh yes, we have come far since the days of Jim Crow. We have come far since 3 little girls died at 16th St. Baptist Church. We have come far since Little Rock. We have come far since the sit-ins and boycotts.
But I know we still have a ways to go.
Some people would tell me that it will never change. That people will always judge based on appearance. I have to hope for something better. The alternative is to become that which I rebelled against since childhood. That outcome is unacceptable. I believe that it can change. I don't see racism as "just natural". I believe we as a species are better than that.
I have a dream that one day racism will be a thing we will look back on and uniformly see it as something the ignorant people of the past held onto and something that has no place in the future.
I have a dream that one day the words nigger, cracker, chink, spick, and all other slurs will never be heard again.
I have a dream that one day I will be able to walk down the street in old jeans, a black hoodie, and hat with my hands deep in my pockets and not have a single person wonder what I am up to.
I have a dream that one day people can see each other's worth based solely on their words and actions and not look to race to explain why good or bad things happen.
I have a dream that one day we will all believe "all men are created equal."
I have a dream today.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A Letter To My Daybreak
Dear Daybreak,
I can't believe you'll be four years old on Friday. Should I let you read this when you're older, you'll be shocked to know your mom called me almost in tears about this fact the other night. This growing up thing you're doing? Yeah, that needs to stop ASAP. You so often act like a child far older that I forget you're not quite old enough for kindergarten yet.
You have all ready begun to master the art of sarcasm and the eye roll. You love talking on the phone. You channel a Mexican jumping bean whenever your mom takes you shopping. It's like a teenager in the body of a preschooler. Then you'll turn around tell me and your mom to please be quiet because Sesame Street is on and you can't miss it. Don't even get me started on someone talking during a commercial. It's like a capital crime to you.
Did you know I saw you a few days after you were born? Your mom stopped by the school with you and I even got to hold you for a few minutes. You were very small, not even as long as my forearm and I hadn't seen your gorgeous green eyes yet. I had no idea then that I would start to call you mine. I've only known you since late February and yet it scares me how much I love you.
There, I admit it.
You scared me.
I can see you as a teenager, reading this. You turn to me, bat your eyelashes, and say "you were scared of little ole me?"
Dear, I stand guilty as charged.
Since I've known you, your vocabulary has exploded. From the moment you found out I spoke Spanish, you made me your Dora buddy. You would flit around the house and point to random things, say their Spanish name, then look to me for confirmation. You are always looking for something to learn. Eva says it isn't surprising since your favourite word has always been 'why'.
"Why is the ground down and the sky up?"
"Why can't we live in the water like my goldfish?"
"Why are you (me) so much darker than Mommy?"
When me and Eva were still just friends and even when we first started dating, I didn't want you to get too attached to me. I didn't want you to be heartbroken if things didn't work out between us. I don't know how to put into words just how much it hurt to see you burst into tears during that conversation.
You melt my little black heart (no pun intended) on a regular basis with the comments that come out of your mouth. Such as you telling every person in Ben & Jerry's they could eat poo if they didn't like me and Eva dating each other. Or your passionate stance that no one should be alone on the holidays, not even scarecrows.
With every day me and you spend together, Eva has to ask if you are becoming my daughter by osmosis. When you and your mom came over for dinner the other night, you told me you were ready to go through the haunted lab. I asked if you were sure you wanted to. You gave me a look that clearly said YES, DID I STUTTER? so I let it go. I'm pretty much sure you'll be scared out of your mind but I call this learning the hard way.
You now try and read anything you can get your little hands on. I have never laughed so hard in a grocery store before in my life as when I heard you ask loudly MOMMY, WHAT'S A RUBBER? DO GROWN-UPS HAVE TUB TOYS TOO?! Come to think of it, I've never rushed out (against my will) of one so fast either. Yet you still prefer to sit in either me or Eva's lap and have us read to you. Whatever takes the least amount of energy right? After all, driving your mom nuts is a full-time job even between the two of us.
I've never met a child quite like you. You will jump from the top of a slide without hesitation. I thought me and Eva were about to have a heart attack. You dusted your hands on your jeans, gave us a crooked grin, and said you just wanted to see if the ground would catch you. Issac Newton has nothing on this kid.
Then on the nights I'm there when it's your bedtime, you'll ask me to check under your bed and in your closet. For monsters, you say. But unlike most children, you're not afraid of them. You want them to crawl into bed with you so they can be comfortable. You looked dead at me and said, everyone needs someone to love them. Even monsters. You explained that they're like you when you haven't had a good nap. Cranky and mean. Some sleep would make them feel better.
You're finally getting over your phobia of milk or booger juice as you call it. Yeah, my bad. I have to admit though that seeing you flee at the very sight of a cow is hilarious and completely worth the smack to the head. I've even started baking cookies from scratch since you love doing it so much. Although you did cry when I made fun of you for getting the flour everywhere. I even felt horrible. That is until you threw some IN MY FACE. Yeah, that's my girl.
By the way, I will never forget you pointing to Sarah Palin on television and asking 'why is this lady on TV instead of Wal-Mart?'
For the past three weeks, all you have been able to talk about is your birthday bash on Saturday. Especially when you found out your Aunt I and Aunt G were coming home from New York to be there. You've talked my ear off at length on what dress you plan to wear, and how cool the cake your mom let you pick out is going to be. You have what games you want to play planned out beside your bed. Twice now you've actually talked yourself to sleep. Congratulations on surpassing me in the motormouth department.
Sadly, I was unable to figure out just how to get Big Bird to your party.
Maybe next year.
I have to smile watching you drive your pink Barbie convertible with your sunglasses on. You throw your head back and laugh at the freedom you have as you zoom across your Grandma's backyard. But as you race towards the sunset, my smile is a bit sad.
One day you'll do that for real.
At age four, you think all boys but me, your uncles, and your new cousin are icky. You think make-up is just for playtime with your mom. And you still think skittles are a zillion times more valuable than a dollar bill. Will you stay this child forever? No, you thought Peter Pan was silly for not wanting to grow up. You'll grow into an amazing woman who I look forward to getting to know.
But for now?
You're still the kid who snuggles between me and Eva for story time and one who I'm equally proud of and fascinated by.
So happy birthday Daybreak, I love you. Yes even the time when I tricked you into trying broccoli.
Love,
Papa
I can't believe you'll be four years old on Friday. Should I let you read this when you're older, you'll be shocked to know your mom called me almost in tears about this fact the other night. This growing up thing you're doing? Yeah, that needs to stop ASAP. You so often act like a child far older that I forget you're not quite old enough for kindergarten yet.
You have all ready begun to master the art of sarcasm and the eye roll. You love talking on the phone. You channel a Mexican jumping bean whenever your mom takes you shopping. It's like a teenager in the body of a preschooler. Then you'll turn around tell me and your mom to please be quiet because Sesame Street is on and you can't miss it. Don't even get me started on someone talking during a commercial. It's like a capital crime to you.
Did you know I saw you a few days after you were born? Your mom stopped by the school with you and I even got to hold you for a few minutes. You were very small, not even as long as my forearm and I hadn't seen your gorgeous green eyes yet. I had no idea then that I would start to call you mine. I've only known you since late February and yet it scares me how much I love you.
There, I admit it.
You scared me.
I can see you as a teenager, reading this. You turn to me, bat your eyelashes, and say "you were scared of little ole me?"
Dear, I stand guilty as charged.
Since I've known you, your vocabulary has exploded. From the moment you found out I spoke Spanish, you made me your Dora buddy. You would flit around the house and point to random things, say their Spanish name, then look to me for confirmation. You are always looking for something to learn. Eva says it isn't surprising since your favourite word has always been 'why'.
"Why is the ground down and the sky up?"
"Why can't we live in the water like my goldfish?"
"Why are you (me) so much darker than Mommy?"
When me and Eva were still just friends and even when we first started dating, I didn't want you to get too attached to me. I didn't want you to be heartbroken if things didn't work out between us. I don't know how to put into words just how much it hurt to see you burst into tears during that conversation.
You melt my little black heart (no pun intended) on a regular basis with the comments that come out of your mouth. Such as you telling every person in Ben & Jerry's they could eat poo if they didn't like me and Eva dating each other. Or your passionate stance that no one should be alone on the holidays, not even scarecrows.
With every day me and you spend together, Eva has to ask if you are becoming my daughter by osmosis. When you and your mom came over for dinner the other night, you told me you were ready to go through the haunted lab. I asked if you were sure you wanted to. You gave me a look that clearly said YES, DID I STUTTER? so I let it go. I'm pretty much sure you'll be scared out of your mind but I call this learning the hard way.
You now try and read anything you can get your little hands on. I have never laughed so hard in a grocery store before in my life as when I heard you ask loudly MOMMY, WHAT'S A RUBBER? DO GROWN-UPS HAVE TUB TOYS TOO?! Come to think of it, I've never rushed out (against my will) of one so fast either. Yet you still prefer to sit in either me or Eva's lap and have us read to you. Whatever takes the least amount of energy right? After all, driving your mom nuts is a full-time job even between the two of us.
I've never met a child quite like you. You will jump from the top of a slide without hesitation. I thought me and Eva were about to have a heart attack. You dusted your hands on your jeans, gave us a crooked grin, and said you just wanted to see if the ground would catch you. Issac Newton has nothing on this kid.
Then on the nights I'm there when it's your bedtime, you'll ask me to check under your bed and in your closet. For monsters, you say. But unlike most children, you're not afraid of them. You want them to crawl into bed with you so they can be comfortable. You looked dead at me and said, everyone needs someone to love them. Even monsters. You explained that they're like you when you haven't had a good nap. Cranky and mean. Some sleep would make them feel better.
You're finally getting over your phobia of milk or booger juice as you call it. Yeah, my bad. I have to admit though that seeing you flee at the very sight of a cow is hilarious and completely worth the smack to the head. I've even started baking cookies from scratch since you love doing it so much. Although you did cry when I made fun of you for getting the flour everywhere. I even felt horrible. That is until you threw some IN MY FACE. Yeah, that's my girl.
By the way, I will never forget you pointing to Sarah Palin on television and asking 'why is this lady on TV instead of Wal-Mart?'
For the past three weeks, all you have been able to talk about is your birthday bash on Saturday. Especially when you found out your Aunt I and Aunt G were coming home from New York to be there. You've talked my ear off at length on what dress you plan to wear, and how cool the cake your mom let you pick out is going to be. You have what games you want to play planned out beside your bed. Twice now you've actually talked yourself to sleep. Congratulations on surpassing me in the motormouth department.
Sadly, I was unable to figure out just how to get Big Bird to your party.
Maybe next year.
I have to smile watching you drive your pink Barbie convertible with your sunglasses on. You throw your head back and laugh at the freedom you have as you zoom across your Grandma's backyard. But as you race towards the sunset, my smile is a bit sad.
One day you'll do that for real.
At age four, you think all boys but me, your uncles, and your new cousin are icky. You think make-up is just for playtime with your mom. And you still think skittles are a zillion times more valuable than a dollar bill. Will you stay this child forever? No, you thought Peter Pan was silly for not wanting to grow up. You'll grow into an amazing woman who I look forward to getting to know.
But for now?
You're still the kid who snuggles between me and Eva for story time and one who I'm equally proud of and fascinated by.
So happy birthday Daybreak, I love you. Yes even the time when I tricked you into trying broccoli.
Love,
Papa
Monday, October 20, 2008
My First Meme
So I've been tagged by the fabulous Miss Tiff for a meme.
Here are the Rules:
1.Link to the person that tagged you
2.Post the rules on your blog
3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
Only 6 quirks? But I have so many too choose from! Well, I've give it a shot.
Here are the Rules:
1.Link to the person that tagged you
2.Post the rules on your blog
3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
Only 6 quirks? But I have so many too choose from! Well, I've give it a shot.
- I am a total domestic. I cook for most of my friends on a pretty regular basis, I clean, I sew, and I love children. All of these things make me happy. It's like I'm preprogrammed to take care of people. Eva constantly jokes that should we ever marry each other, I'd be the ideal stay-at-home dad.
- I have several cat-like tendencies. I will bat at something touching my nose, purr if the back of my neck is rubbed, and find the nearest sunbeam to nap in. This is made even funnier by the fact that I dislike cats.
- I sing. A lot. How much is a lot? Well, it's not all that uncommon for me to lose my voice.
- As much as I hate admitting it, I am addicted to the Hills. I don't know why but I like laughing at all their melodrama. Makes me feel better about my own life.
- If you give me apple juice, I will love you forever. If you give me hot chocolate, I will be your slave for life. If you give me strawberry shortcake, I might just pass out in orgasmic bliss on the spot.
- I am claustrophobic. I got stuck in the liberal arts building's elevator and nearly had a panic attack. We're talking hyperventilation and everything.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
My Weekend: The Abridged Version
I hope you folks have enjoyed your weekends thus far and have tried not to get too shitfaced. Here was my weekend in short scenes.
Scene 1: On the bus back from Schoolhouse Rock
Skittles: (horribly off key) "CONJUNCTION! JUNCTION! What's your function?!"
WG: (holding her hand over her eyes) "I'll conjunction your function if you don't stop."
Later...
Frizzle: "I have very good news for all of you."
"We're getting a pony!"
"Barney's coming here!"
"The aliens are here!"
Frizzle: "Umm...no. You all said you hoped Kendall could stay with us. Well he is."
Skittles: "Yay, we get to keep our Kendall!"
Me: "I didn't know I was a pet, little one."
Skittles: "I don't know. You'd be cute with a pink collar. Are you paper trained yet? Have you had your shots?"
Scene 2: State Fair
Imogen: "So what do y'all want to do first?"
Eva: "We're getting on the Ferris Wheel. Someone has never been on one."
Ruth: "What kind of sheltered soul has never been on a Ferris Wheel?"
Daybreak: "Papa?"
Imogen/Ruth: "We should have known."
Me: "Nuh uh, more like the kind of sheltered soul that doesn't come to your waist and is afraid of heights."
Eva: "She has always kicked a fit when I would try and get her to."
Imogen: "So she tried to buck the blame to Kendall?"
Me: "Yep."
Ruth: "This child is becoming more like you every day."
Me: "Scary isn't it?"
Scene 3: Watching movies at Eva's apartment
Eva: "Daybreak, what are you doing?"
Daybreak: "Gettin' comftable."
Eva: "Comfortable means crawling into Kendall's hoodie like a kangaroo?"
Daybreak: "Yes Mommy."
Me: "Apparently I'm warm."
Daybreak: "He's a teddy that hugs back."
Eva: "Beaten out by my own daughter, I see how it is."
Me: "Daybreak, since I can't see past the mass of blond hair in front of my mouth, how about we all just share a blanket?"
Daybreak: (taps her chin through my hoodie) "I s'pose."
Eva: "This way we both get to use Kendall's heat."
Scene 4: Church with The Bait and Pippi
The Bait: "I still think I'm onto something."
Me: "We're not exorcising Faith, end of story."
The Bait: "She's evil."
Pippi: "How do you figure? Faith's the cutest puppy ever."
The Bait: "You only say that because she doesn't enjoy tormenting you. That dog is evil."
Me: (laughing) "That makes her evil?"
The Bait: "What would you call it?"
Me: "Knowing when I've found an easy target and milking them for all their worth."
Scene 1: On the bus back from Schoolhouse Rock
Skittles: (horribly off key) "CONJUNCTION! JUNCTION! What's your function?!"
WG: (holding her hand over her eyes) "I'll conjunction your function if you don't stop."
Later...
Frizzle: "I have very good news for all of you."
"We're getting a pony!"
"Barney's coming here!"
"The aliens are here!"
Frizzle: "Umm...no. You all said you hoped Kendall could stay with us. Well he is."
Skittles: "Yay, we get to keep our Kendall!"
Me: "I didn't know I was a pet, little one."
Skittles: "I don't know. You'd be cute with a pink collar. Are you paper trained yet? Have you had your shots?"
Scene 2: State Fair
Imogen: "So what do y'all want to do first?"
Eva: "We're getting on the Ferris Wheel. Someone has never been on one."
Ruth: "What kind of sheltered soul has never been on a Ferris Wheel?"
Daybreak: "Papa?"
Imogen/Ruth: "We should have known."
Me: "Nuh uh, more like the kind of sheltered soul that doesn't come to your waist and is afraid of heights."
Eva: "She has always kicked a fit when I would try and get her to."
Imogen: "So she tried to buck the blame to Kendall?"
Me: "Yep."
Ruth: "This child is becoming more like you every day."
Me: "Scary isn't it?"
Scene 3: Watching movies at Eva's apartment
Eva: "Daybreak, what are you doing?"
Daybreak: "Gettin' comftable."
Eva: "Comfortable means crawling into Kendall's hoodie like a kangaroo?"
Daybreak: "Yes Mommy."
Me: "Apparently I'm warm."
Daybreak: "He's a teddy that hugs back."
Eva: "Beaten out by my own daughter, I see how it is."
Me: "Daybreak, since I can't see past the mass of blond hair in front of my mouth, how about we all just share a blanket?"
Daybreak: (taps her chin through my hoodie) "I s'pose."
Eva: "This way we both get to use Kendall's heat."
Scene 4: Church with The Bait and Pippi
The Bait: "I still think I'm onto something."
Me: "We're not exorcising Faith, end of story."
The Bait: "She's evil."
Pippi: "How do you figure? Faith's the cutest puppy ever."
The Bait: "You only say that because she doesn't enjoy tormenting you. That dog is evil."
Me: (laughing) "That makes her evil?"
The Bait: "What would you call it?"
Me: "Knowing when I've found an easy target and milking them for all their worth."
Friday, October 17, 2008
A Letter To My Father
Dear Dad,
I haven't talked to you face-to-face since August and I don't quite remember the last time we talked on the phone. But that's who you are. You don't really show emotion. It makes us look weak. You did all you could to teach me that.
I remember being 6 and riding with you to the corner store. I was looking at the ice cream while you bought a pack of cigarettes. Someone ran into the store with a stocking cap over their face. They had a shotgun in their hands. He wanted Mr. Thompson to give up the money. Mr. Thompson refused. I remember my ears popping when the gun went off. I remember seeing a piece of Mr. Thompson land not a foot beside me. I remember the man taking the register and running away.
That night, I asked you why that happened. I remember you told me to just go to bed as you didn't want to deal with it.
I remember when I was 12 and working on a sketch of Nana's garden. I was so proud of it when it was finished. You and Mom were actually home so I showed you. You took it from my hands, looked at and then asked me why I couldn't play football. That next year I would try out and make the team. I was good. When I stopped playing so I could concentrate on school, wrestling, my job, and the newspaper you actually yelled at me. I was a disappointment to you. I remember you telling me that I needed football for a scholarship as I wouldn't go to college otherwise.
I saw football as basically working out in preparation for the wrestling season so if I was going to cut anything from my schedule that would be it. In the four years I was on the team, you never came to a single match. I remember asking you to come to what would be one of my last. It was my junior year and I was wrestling in the regional tournament. I wanted my family there. Nana, who was sick at the time, was there. Aunt K and Jingles were there. Mami, Rose, and Gabi were there. You? You were just an empty seat. Mom at least told me beforehand she couldn't come as she was terrified I'd get hurt. I won that night.
When you saw said medal, you brushed it off as if I had done nothing special.
I remember when Tinkerbell broke up with me, you told me that it didn't matter as "pussy [was] pussy". You have no idea how close I came to cold clocking you that day.
I remember when me and Mil found the text messages between you and The Homewrecker. I remember Mom saying we were just jumping to conclusions even after we showed them to her. I remember me and Mil laying in bed with her, hugging her as she cried. I remember the fight when she found the lingerie in your work bag.
You always told me that I didn't want to spend time with you, you will never know that I am always thinking of how you were never there when I was growing up so why would you or I care now?
I remember you acting like you were hurt when me and Junior were outside that summer talking about politics and you had no idea I even knew what was going on in the world.
Mom at least has tried to be a part of my life and we've come a long way since I was 15.
You, on the other hand, could never be bothered with it.
I doubt you remember it considering how drunk you were but I remember you telling me that had Mil been born first, you would have left Mom. You will never know that what little respect I still had for you died that night.
When me and Mil were talking to Mom about the possibility of you two divorcing, she was amazed at how angry we were with you after how good you'd been to us. Mil asked her how? Would you like to know what her answer was? You stayed. We should be grateful to you for owning up to that much for how little you were actually around? Mil said it best when she called that a load of bull.
You have no idea that your own daughter will probably never willingly come around you again if she can help it. You have no idea that you will never have a relationship with any children she may have. You have no idea that she will most likely not come to or even acknowledge your funeral.
You have no idea that the reason I never use my first name is because it came from you. You have no idea that I flinch every time people tell me I look or sound like you. You have no idea that once this divorce is finalized I will likely never speak to you again. You have no idea that I hated you for the longest time.
You have no idea that your last name will die with you, and neither me or Mil can bring ourselves to care all that much.
Despite what you tried to tell me, I believe it is possible for someone to love me other than my parents. If what you showed us the last 20/18 years was love, I'm better off loveless. And I refuse to believe that.
I refuse to believe that women are just good for sex and thus you shouldn't care too much.
I refuse to believe that you should look out for yourself first and foremost.
I refuse to believe that people will always stop at the colour of my skin and never care who I am.
Dad, I love you and I forgive you. I can't hate you anymore. Hate takes energy and so does hoping that you will look at me as someone who matters. Frankly, I don't have the strength for either anymore. And since I can't hate you, I have no choice but to forgive you.
Pap hated his dad.
You hated Pap.
It has to stop with me.
I will likely never say even half of this to you. But it's out there and for now, that's enough.
You will never know how many nights I cried myself to sleep growing up. Wondering what I had done that you would take no interest in me. Or how I would always feel guilty when I would see my friends with their dads.
For as long as I can remember, one of my worst fears has been that I will turn out to be just like you. I point blank refuse to let this come to pass. I'll shoot myself in the face before I let that happen. Every time I say good night to Daybreak, I swear in my head that I will be a far better dad to her than you were to me. I will do all I can to keep that promise. I am moving on, aren't you proud?
Your son,
Kendall
I haven't talked to you face-to-face since August and I don't quite remember the last time we talked on the phone. But that's who you are. You don't really show emotion. It makes us look weak. You did all you could to teach me that.
I remember being 6 and riding with you to the corner store. I was looking at the ice cream while you bought a pack of cigarettes. Someone ran into the store with a stocking cap over their face. They had a shotgun in their hands. He wanted Mr. Thompson to give up the money. Mr. Thompson refused. I remember my ears popping when the gun went off. I remember seeing a piece of Mr. Thompson land not a foot beside me. I remember the man taking the register and running away.
That night, I asked you why that happened. I remember you told me to just go to bed as you didn't want to deal with it.
I remember when I was 12 and working on a sketch of Nana's garden. I was so proud of it when it was finished. You and Mom were actually home so I showed you. You took it from my hands, looked at and then asked me why I couldn't play football. That next year I would try out and make the team. I was good. When I stopped playing so I could concentrate on school, wrestling, my job, and the newspaper you actually yelled at me. I was a disappointment to you. I remember you telling me that I needed football for a scholarship as I wouldn't go to college otherwise.
I saw football as basically working out in preparation for the wrestling season so if I was going to cut anything from my schedule that would be it. In the four years I was on the team, you never came to a single match. I remember asking you to come to what would be one of my last. It was my junior year and I was wrestling in the regional tournament. I wanted my family there. Nana, who was sick at the time, was there. Aunt K and Jingles were there. Mami, Rose, and Gabi were there. You? You were just an empty seat. Mom at least told me beforehand she couldn't come as she was terrified I'd get hurt. I won that night.
When you saw said medal, you brushed it off as if I had done nothing special.
I remember when Tinkerbell broke up with me, you told me that it didn't matter as "pussy [was] pussy". You have no idea how close I came to cold clocking you that day.
I remember when me and Mil found the text messages between you and The Homewrecker. I remember Mom saying we were just jumping to conclusions even after we showed them to her. I remember me and Mil laying in bed with her, hugging her as she cried. I remember the fight when she found the lingerie in your work bag.
You always told me that I didn't want to spend time with you, you will never know that I am always thinking of how you were never there when I was growing up so why would you or I care now?
I remember you acting like you were hurt when me and Junior were outside that summer talking about politics and you had no idea I even knew what was going on in the world.
Mom at least has tried to be a part of my life and we've come a long way since I was 15.
You, on the other hand, could never be bothered with it.
I doubt you remember it considering how drunk you were but I remember you telling me that had Mil been born first, you would have left Mom. You will never know that what little respect I still had for you died that night.
When me and Mil were talking to Mom about the possibility of you two divorcing, she was amazed at how angry we were with you after how good you'd been to us. Mil asked her how? Would you like to know what her answer was? You stayed. We should be grateful to you for owning up to that much for how little you were actually around? Mil said it best when she called that a load of bull.
You have no idea that your own daughter will probably never willingly come around you again if she can help it. You have no idea that you will never have a relationship with any children she may have. You have no idea that she will most likely not come to or even acknowledge your funeral.
You have no idea that the reason I never use my first name is because it came from you. You have no idea that I flinch every time people tell me I look or sound like you. You have no idea that once this divorce is finalized I will likely never speak to you again. You have no idea that I hated you for the longest time.
You have no idea that your last name will die with you, and neither me or Mil can bring ourselves to care all that much.
Despite what you tried to tell me, I believe it is possible for someone to love me other than my parents. If what you showed us the last 20/18 years was love, I'm better off loveless. And I refuse to believe that.
I refuse to believe that women are just good for sex and thus you shouldn't care too much.
I refuse to believe that you should look out for yourself first and foremost.
I refuse to believe that people will always stop at the colour of my skin and never care who I am.
Dad, I love you and I forgive you. I can't hate you anymore. Hate takes energy and so does hoping that you will look at me as someone who matters. Frankly, I don't have the strength for either anymore. And since I can't hate you, I have no choice but to forgive you.
Pap hated his dad.
You hated Pap.
It has to stop with me.
I will likely never say even half of this to you. But it's out there and for now, that's enough.
You will never know how many nights I cried myself to sleep growing up. Wondering what I had done that you would take no interest in me. Or how I would always feel guilty when I would see my friends with their dads.
For as long as I can remember, one of my worst fears has been that I will turn out to be just like you. I point blank refuse to let this come to pass. I'll shoot myself in the face before I let that happen. Every time I say good night to Daybreak, I swear in my head that I will be a far better dad to her than you were to me. I will do all I can to keep that promise. I am moving on, aren't you proud?
Your son,
Kendall
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thank God For Patience
So for those who haven't heard, early voting started today in North Carolina. Between people eager to vote for someone they believe will deal with the economic crisis or those who just wish to avoid the sardine-style lines at the polls on November 4, there was a decently sized turnout by any count.
Here I am, wearing a polo shirt, khakis, and my work shoes, just wanting to get home and into some comfortable clothes when I see these two women wearing McCain/Palin paraphernalia. T-shirts, visors, buttons, the works. Thanks to my Nana, I am (most of the time) unfailingly polite to people older than me. So when these women ask me if I would show support for McCain, I didn't follow my first instinct and laugh in their faces.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am but I do intend to vote for Senator Obama when I actually get to the polls.
Woman #1: Sir, all we ask is that you listen.
Me: I have no problem with that Ma'am.
Woman #2: Did you know that Obama supports abortion?
Me: No Ma'am I did not know that. I thought he just supported the right to the option.
Woman #1: They are the same thing in God's eyes. He doesn't care about an unborn baby's right to live.
Me: And a child born of rape or incest, or what if the mother is not physically capable of bringing the baby to term? What then?
Woman #1: That is not the child's fault. It should not be punished.
Woman #2: Do you support abortion Sir?
Me: The idea makes me ill Ma'am but I support a woman's right to choose. I believe, like Senator Obama, that supporting the decision in Roe v. Wade is the only way to avoid the back-alley abortions and needless deaths stemming from that.
Woman #2: I suppose you support marriage for gays as well?
Me: Fully. I believe in the line of the Declaration of Independence that says we are all entitled to the life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I would proudly stand beside my friends as they say their vows and look forward to the day they won't have to travel out of state to do so.
Woman #1: But God declared marriage should be between one man and one woman. How can any God fearing Christian support anything else?
Me: I don't fear God Ma'am, any God I should fear seems petty and thus I will not put my faith in him.
Woman #1: Sir, you must see that Obama will run this country into the ground.
Me: Ma'am, you must see that we've been run into the ground for the last 8 years. It's time for a change of pace.
Woman #1: You're young though, what do you really understand about politics?
Me: If I were supporting Senator McCain and Governor Palin, you would not ask me that question so please do not subject me to double standards.
Woman #2: So are you voting for Obama because you're black?
Me: No, prior to his dropping from the race I was supporting John Edwards. Are you voting for Senator McCain because he's white?
At this point, they both got offended and walked off. Sometimes I have to marvel at how much patience I have.
It's sad but I'm ready for this election to be over.
I'm tired of mudslinging and name-calling. I'm tired of listening to my mother say only a racist white person would vote for McCain and I'm tired of hearing the only reason a black person would vote for Obama is because of his skin colour. I'm tired of hearing Obama called a terrorist. I'm tired of hearing about Palin's family (especially her daughter) in the news. I'm tired of all the pettiness and all the stupidity. I'm tired of often feeling ashamed of my country. I want to not care anymore. But I know myself well enough to know that isn't going to happen.
I'm just tired.
Ralph Nader in 2012 anyone?
Here I am, wearing a polo shirt, khakis, and my work shoes, just wanting to get home and into some comfortable clothes when I see these two women wearing McCain/Palin paraphernalia. T-shirts, visors, buttons, the works. Thanks to my Nana, I am (most of the time) unfailingly polite to people older than me. So when these women ask me if I would show support for McCain, I didn't follow my first instinct and laugh in their faces.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am but I do intend to vote for Senator Obama when I actually get to the polls.
Woman #1: Sir, all we ask is that you listen.
Me: I have no problem with that Ma'am.
Woman #2: Did you know that Obama supports abortion?
Me: No Ma'am I did not know that. I thought he just supported the right to the option.
Woman #1: They are the same thing in God's eyes. He doesn't care about an unborn baby's right to live.
Me: And a child born of rape or incest, or what if the mother is not physically capable of bringing the baby to term? What then?
Woman #1: That is not the child's fault. It should not be punished.
Woman #2: Do you support abortion Sir?
Me: The idea makes me ill Ma'am but I support a woman's right to choose. I believe, like Senator Obama, that supporting the decision in Roe v. Wade is the only way to avoid the back-alley abortions and needless deaths stemming from that.
Woman #2: I suppose you support marriage for gays as well?
Me: Fully. I believe in the line of the Declaration of Independence that says we are all entitled to the life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I would proudly stand beside my friends as they say their vows and look forward to the day they won't have to travel out of state to do so.
Woman #1: But God declared marriage should be between one man and one woman. How can any God fearing Christian support anything else?
Me: I don't fear God Ma'am, any God I should fear seems petty and thus I will not put my faith in him.
Woman #1: Sir, you must see that Obama will run this country into the ground.
Me: Ma'am, you must see that we've been run into the ground for the last 8 years. It's time for a change of pace.
Woman #1: You're young though, what do you really understand about politics?
Me: If I were supporting Senator McCain and Governor Palin, you would not ask me that question so please do not subject me to double standards.
Woman #2: So are you voting for Obama because you're black?
Me: No, prior to his dropping from the race I was supporting John Edwards. Are you voting for Senator McCain because he's white?
At this point, they both got offended and walked off. Sometimes I have to marvel at how much patience I have.
It's sad but I'm ready for this election to be over.
I'm tired of mudslinging and name-calling. I'm tired of listening to my mother say only a racist white person would vote for McCain and I'm tired of hearing the only reason a black person would vote for Obama is because of his skin colour. I'm tired of hearing Obama called a terrorist. I'm tired of hearing about Palin's family (especially her daughter) in the news. I'm tired of all the pettiness and all the stupidity. I'm tired of often feeling ashamed of my country. I want to not care anymore. But I know myself well enough to know that isn't going to happen.
I'm just tired.
Ralph Nader in 2012 anyone?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
101 Questions About Me
1. Where did your blog title come from?
I was always the weird kid in elementary school and would often refer to myself as the ugly duckling. When I was trying to think of a title (originally it was Odds & Ends From Carolina) I saw a picture of a yellow duckling squawking at a bunch of black ducks. Tada, Confessions of an Odd Duck was born.
2. What is your current living arrangement?
Me and one of my best friends, The Bait, rent an apartment just outside of UNC's campus. We now have my puppy living with us as well.
3. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Until I was 8 I wanted to be a cook or chef. Then I learned to grow comfortable reading and writing in English. From then on, I wanted to be a writer. I've also wanted to be a florist, comic book artist, pediatrician, and journalist.
4. What is your dream job?
I have two. One is to be a college English professor and the other is to own a restaurant.
5. What is your favorite movie?
The Nightmare Before Christmas, hands down.
6. Do you use the correct keys when using a keyboard?
I got a typewriter for my 13th birthday and taught myself then. Sadly, I still have trouble texting without looking on my phone. Need to work on that.
7. What was your first car?
A blue 1986 Nissan Maxima that me and my friends nicknamed The Blue Thunder. You had to use a screwdriver to change the radio, people thought the trunk was possessed, and the gear shift would often slip. It died in my junior year on my way home from Chick Fil-A.
8. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Strawberry
9. Favorite board game?
Monopoly, DVD Scene It, and Taboo.
10. What book are you reading now?
Needful Things by Stephen King
11. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully with my MA in Education and maybe English, happily teaching, possibly married.
12. What is your favorite sport to watch?
College basketball. It's a genetic thing.
13. Who in your family are you closest to?
I was closest to my Nana (maternal great-grandmother) and was devastated when she died last spring.
14. What is on your nightstand now?
My iPod dock, a sudoku book, some pens, my alarm clock, and a dictionary
15. What are you currently listening to?
If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw
16. What is your favorite book of all time?
Wicked: Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire
17. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Robin Williams from Mork & Mindy to Patch Adams
18. Favorite fruit?
Grapes
19. What are you afraid of?
So many things...small spaces, becoming my dad, losing control, and being lonely
20. What is your favorite quote at the moment?
"When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"
21. Favorite food?
When I actually eat, french toast. Mmmm.
22. Favorite drink?
Tie between hot chocolate and apple juice, I've been bribed with both.
23. Describe your childhood.
Childhood? What's that?
24. What language would you learn besides English?
I'm bilingual as it is but I do want to learn French or Italian, maybe German.
25. What advice would you give to yourself from 5 years ago?
Those you love never truly leave you, not so long as you remember them and what they taught you.
26. One year ago?
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
27. What would you want your epitaph to say?
He Proved Himself Wrong
28. When was the last time you cried?
Hearing a very close friend cry got me going
29. What was one thing you tried in the last year that you never thought you would?
Surfing
30. What was your least favorite subject in high school?
Calculus, my friends have quoted me often as saying "el calculo es el diablo"
31. Who was the last person you hugged?
My lab partner as she was about to have a panic attack
32. Your strangest physical feature?
Either the fact that my toes curl up or my eye color. It's a hard pick.
33. What was your favorite thing to do as a child?
Take care of the flowers in my Nana's garden, even singing to them.
34. If you could have lunch with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be?
I want to say it'd be Robin Williams, Charles Schultz, or Maya Angelou.
35. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Tim Tebow, Roy Williams, Mick Foley, and Maya Angelou
36. What was the last concert you went to?
Brad Paisley
37. Who was the last person you kissed?
Eva
38. What TV show do you watch that you feel ashamed to admit?
The Hills. It's like a train wreck; I want to look away but I can't.
39. Have you been out of your home country?
Yes, I have been to Italy and most definitely intend to return someday.
40. What is your most acute sense?
Smell. I have crappy hearing and eyesight.
41. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
I am currently looking for a tattoo and does planning to get a fake earring for Halloween count?
42. What would happen if you didn't speak for a week?
Those who know me would think the world is ending if I'm quiet for 10 minutes much less a week.
43. Have you ever tripped someone?
I'm a former wrestler so yes, many times. Plus I am tempted to whenever I see kids on heelies.
44. What is one of your quirks?
You expect me to pick just one? I suppose it would be my accent which gets more pronounced when I'm sleepy, stressed, or...distracted.
45. Would you ever consider getting married?
If I can learn to fully trust myself, then yes.
46. Would you consider having children?
I've caught myself claiming Daybreak as my daughter 3 times now so yes
47. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Can they make me laugh?
48. How would you describe your inner circle of friends?
They're all nuts in their own ways...just like me.
49. What was one of the most needlessly uncomfortable things you've done in the last 6 months?
That's easy. When I was invited to go with Eva and her family to Myrtle Beach over the summer.
50. What is your view on religion?
What is most important is faith, everything else is inconsequential.
51. What is your favorite smell?
Foxgloves after blooming.
52. What was one of the most embarrassing (but now funny) moments of my childhood.
Again this one is easy. I had just transferred to a new elementary school when I had a slight case of culture shock. I go up to one of the white girls, rub her arm, and say to the teacher, "it's not coming off."
53. How much do you normally tip in a restaurant?
As someone who has worked as a waiter throughout high school and since coming to Chapel Hill, I am a pretty generous tipper unless the service was absolutely deplorable.
54. Is the glass half empty or half full?
It's twice as large as it needs to be.
55. Worst experience on the internets?
The Website-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named
56. Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse?
I'm a Disney kid so I go with the mouse.
57. Worst line ever said to you during a date?
"Oh, I didn't know you were black." Never going on a blind date again.
58. Favorite word?
Lovely (used sarcastically), lusty, and sweetness
59. What is your favorite curse word or phrase?
Fucklet, thanks K-bro!
60. Favorite card game?
Egyptian rat screw, Texas Hold-Em, Uno
61. What is your favorite sitcom?
Will & Grace. Anything with Jack & Karen together was instant hilarity. A scene with Rosie as well was just plain made of win and awesome.
62. Who is your favorite president of all time?
Franklin D. Roosevelt or his cousin, Teddy.
63. Where do you get your news from? The News & Observer, The Daily Tar Heel, or The Daily Show/Colbert Report
64. What movie can you not watch without crying?
Wall-E, Old Yeller, Little Women, Bicentennial Man, Frankenstein, The Elephant Man, A Muppet Christmas Carol, Jack, To Sir With Love, Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump, Terminator 2, I Am Sam, the Land Before Time movies (every time I hear "yep, yep, yep", I start to tear up...), Freedom Writers, Pursuit of Happiness
65. What was the last truly kind thing you did for someone?
Comfort someone who I dislike because they looked like they needed it
66. What is an odd pet peeve you have?
I despise dish washing machines.
67. What kind of drunk are you?
I've never been truly drunk (e. g. trashed) but I get hyper and affectionate.
68. What is the most vivid memory of your childhood?
Something I wish to God I could forget. If it's a good one you're asking about, it would be my grandparents dancing in their kitchen to Hello Dolly and then teaching me and my sister.
69. What do you currently have that has a greatest deal of sentimental value?
A book of sheet music from Rose that Mami sent me in the mail
70. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling down?
I cook or I sing. Usually both.
71. What do you bring to a friendship?
Laughter and a good ear.
72. How would you define true friendship?
One heart in two bodies.
73. What is your favorite holiday?
Halloween.
74. What makes you angry?
Hypocrisy, bigotry and/or ignorance
75. Would you defend a friend?
The scar on my knee says yes
76. Are you a morning or night person?
I can be either. Usually, morning person.
77. If there was a one guide on how to live what would it be?
Considering how divisive the Bible is, I would have to say "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
78. What was the first book you ever read?
Without wanting to cry, Green Eggs & Ham
79. What are your bookmarked websites?
Facebook, the UNC homepage, my blog, Fanfiction.net, The Onion, the Huffington Post, Pandora, Youtube, Enclyclopedia Dramatica, Wikipedia, TV Tropes, Twitter, and Watch-movies.net
80. Do you look more like your father or your mother?
My father with my mother's skin tone. Eyes came from my great-grandpa.
81. Do you believe in luck or fate?
I believe we make our own. "There is no fate but what we make." I also believe everything happens for a reason.
82. What song has a message that you love?
Lean On Me (Bill Withers), Live Like You Were Dying (Tim McGraw), When I Get Where I'm Goin' (Brad Paisley), Keep Ya Head Up (Tupac Shakur), and For Good (Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenoweth)
83. What is one landmark you hope to see one day?
The Globe Theater
84. What do you love about the city you live in?
It still has a small town atmosphere despite being a large university.
85. What is/was your college mascot?
Ramses the Ram
86. Do you still have your wisdom teeth?
Yes
87. What food do you like that you shouldn't?
Peanut butter cookies, I'm allergic to peanuts. You see the problem here, don't you?
88. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?
Unless they decide to be stubborn, Los Gemelos Nuevos will be born on or around my birthday.
89. What is your favorite song to workout to?
I just put iPod on shuffle and listen, don't have a preference really
90. What stereotype do people often make based on your appearance?
I lost count of how many times women have scurried away when I'm walking at night.
91. Can you name one person who cleans the building you work or take classes in?
Yes. I was waiting for a test in the education building when I struck up a conversation with one of the cleaning ladies. Her name is Grace, she's 53, and is one of the best storytellers of ever.
92. If you're sure of what you want to do in life career-wise, what put you on that path?
The rush I felt when Skittles (one of my first graders) started being able to read with confidence, that moment killed any doubts I had about teaching
93. Describe your dream house.
Large sprawling yard, backyard containing a flower/vegetable garden, pool, and fire pit. Must have a porch swing, hopefully a wraparound porch.
94. What was your first pet?
A gorgeous mixed breed named Lady. When I was about 4, she crawled under our neighbour's bushes, lay down, and died.
95. What was last movie you watched with your significant other that you both enjoyed?
Legally Blonde
96. If your friends could change one thing about you, what would it be?
My lack of self-confidence
97. What is one talent your significant other appreciates that you have?
My ability to give a good massage and serve as a general source of warmth or my ability to tell when someone is bothered and do what it takes to help them
98. Does the internet ever scare you?
Dude, see #55. If you know the Rules of the Internet, you know what site I'm talking about. The one God-awful enough to warrant TWO rules on that list.
99. What was the funniest moment you've ever had at a movie theater?
I have two. One was when a former friend saw someone coming and says loudly, "Is that a man?" He gets smacked and we realize that he's talking about his girlfriend's mother. The other is more recent, I was with my girlfriend and we have a comical argument over the women in The Spirit. The ushers were even crying from laughter.
100. Who is your favorite T. V. show character and why?
Xander Harris from Buffy. I am the goofball with a good heart so I can relate. We also both use laughter to mask our fear at times. Both have abandonment issues. And we both have far more female friends than male.
101. Describe your relationship with your birth parents?
Both were pretty much non-entities until I was 15. Me and my mom are still working on it, while my dad is another story entirely.
I was always the weird kid in elementary school and would often refer to myself as the ugly duckling. When I was trying to think of a title (originally it was Odds & Ends From Carolina) I saw a picture of a yellow duckling squawking at a bunch of black ducks. Tada, Confessions of an Odd Duck was born.
2. What is your current living arrangement?
Me and one of my best friends, The Bait, rent an apartment just outside of UNC's campus. We now have my puppy living with us as well.
3. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Until I was 8 I wanted to be a cook or chef. Then I learned to grow comfortable reading and writing in English. From then on, I wanted to be a writer. I've also wanted to be a florist, comic book artist, pediatrician, and journalist.
4. What is your dream job?
I have two. One is to be a college English professor and the other is to own a restaurant.
5. What is your favorite movie?
The Nightmare Before Christmas, hands down.
6. Do you use the correct keys when using a keyboard?
I got a typewriter for my 13th birthday and taught myself then. Sadly, I still have trouble texting without looking on my phone. Need to work on that.
7. What was your first car?
A blue 1986 Nissan Maxima that me and my friends nicknamed The Blue Thunder. You had to use a screwdriver to change the radio, people thought the trunk was possessed, and the gear shift would often slip. It died in my junior year on my way home from Chick Fil-A.
8. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Strawberry
9. Favorite board game?
Monopoly, DVD Scene It, and Taboo.
10. What book are you reading now?
Needful Things by Stephen King
11. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully with my MA in Education and maybe English, happily teaching, possibly married.
12. What is your favorite sport to watch?
College basketball. It's a genetic thing.
13. Who in your family are you closest to?
I was closest to my Nana (maternal great-grandmother) and was devastated when she died last spring.
14. What is on your nightstand now?
My iPod dock, a sudoku book, some pens, my alarm clock, and a dictionary
15. What are you currently listening to?
If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw
16. What is your favorite book of all time?
Wicked: Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire
17. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Robin Williams from Mork & Mindy to Patch Adams
18. Favorite fruit?
Grapes
19. What are you afraid of?
So many things...small spaces, becoming my dad, losing control, and being lonely
20. What is your favorite quote at the moment?
"When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"
21. Favorite food?
When I actually eat, french toast. Mmmm.
22. Favorite drink?
Tie between hot chocolate and apple juice, I've been bribed with both.
23. Describe your childhood.
Childhood? What's that?
24. What language would you learn besides English?
I'm bilingual as it is but I do want to learn French or Italian, maybe German.
25. What advice would you give to yourself from 5 years ago?
Those you love never truly leave you, not so long as you remember them and what they taught you.
26. One year ago?
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
27. What would you want your epitaph to say?
He Proved Himself Wrong
28. When was the last time you cried?
Hearing a very close friend cry got me going
29. What was one thing you tried in the last year that you never thought you would?
Surfing
30. What was your least favorite subject in high school?
Calculus, my friends have quoted me often as saying "el calculo es el diablo"
31. Who was the last person you hugged?
My lab partner as she was about to have a panic attack
32. Your strangest physical feature?
Either the fact that my toes curl up or my eye color. It's a hard pick.
33. What was your favorite thing to do as a child?
Take care of the flowers in my Nana's garden, even singing to them.
34. If you could have lunch with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be?
I want to say it'd be Robin Williams, Charles Schultz, or Maya Angelou.
35. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Tim Tebow, Roy Williams, Mick Foley, and Maya Angelou
36. What was the last concert you went to?
Brad Paisley
37. Who was the last person you kissed?
Eva
38. What TV show do you watch that you feel ashamed to admit?
The Hills. It's like a train wreck; I want to look away but I can't.
39. Have you been out of your home country?
Yes, I have been to Italy and most definitely intend to return someday.
40. What is your most acute sense?
Smell. I have crappy hearing and eyesight.
41. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
I am currently looking for a tattoo and does planning to get a fake earring for Halloween count?
42. What would happen if you didn't speak for a week?
Those who know me would think the world is ending if I'm quiet for 10 minutes much less a week.
43. Have you ever tripped someone?
I'm a former wrestler so yes, many times. Plus I am tempted to whenever I see kids on heelies.
44. What is one of your quirks?
You expect me to pick just one? I suppose it would be my accent which gets more pronounced when I'm sleepy, stressed, or...distracted.
45. Would you ever consider getting married?
If I can learn to fully trust myself, then yes.
46. Would you consider having children?
I've caught myself claiming Daybreak as my daughter 3 times now so yes
47. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Can they make me laugh?
48. How would you describe your inner circle of friends?
They're all nuts in their own ways...just like me.
49. What was one of the most needlessly uncomfortable things you've done in the last 6 months?
That's easy. When I was invited to go with Eva and her family to Myrtle Beach over the summer.
50. What is your view on religion?
What is most important is faith, everything else is inconsequential.
51. What is your favorite smell?
Foxgloves after blooming.
52. What was one of the most embarrassing (but now funny) moments of my childhood.
Again this one is easy. I had just transferred to a new elementary school when I had a slight case of culture shock. I go up to one of the white girls, rub her arm, and say to the teacher, "it's not coming off."
53. How much do you normally tip in a restaurant?
As someone who has worked as a waiter throughout high school and since coming to Chapel Hill, I am a pretty generous tipper unless the service was absolutely deplorable.
54. Is the glass half empty or half full?
It's twice as large as it needs to be.
55. Worst experience on the internets?
The Website-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named
56. Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse?
I'm a Disney kid so I go with the mouse.
57. Worst line ever said to you during a date?
"Oh, I didn't know you were black." Never going on a blind date again.
58. Favorite word?
Lovely (used sarcastically), lusty, and sweetness
59. What is your favorite curse word or phrase?
Fucklet, thanks K-bro!
60. Favorite card game?
Egyptian rat screw, Texas Hold-Em, Uno
61. What is your favorite sitcom?
Will & Grace. Anything with Jack & Karen together was instant hilarity. A scene with Rosie as well was just plain made of win and awesome.
62. Who is your favorite president of all time?
Franklin D. Roosevelt or his cousin, Teddy.
63. Where do you get your news from? The News & Observer, The Daily Tar Heel, or The Daily Show/Colbert Report
64. What movie can you not watch without crying?
Wall-E, Old Yeller, Little Women, Bicentennial Man, Frankenstein, The Elephant Man, A Muppet Christmas Carol, Jack, To Sir With Love, Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump, Terminator 2, I Am Sam, the Land Before Time movies (every time I hear "yep, yep, yep", I start to tear up...), Freedom Writers, Pursuit of Happiness
65. What was the last truly kind thing you did for someone?
Comfort someone who I dislike because they looked like they needed it
66. What is an odd pet peeve you have?
I despise dish washing machines.
67. What kind of drunk are you?
I've never been truly drunk (e. g. trashed) but I get hyper and affectionate.
68. What is the most vivid memory of your childhood?
Something I wish to God I could forget. If it's a good one you're asking about, it would be my grandparents dancing in their kitchen to Hello Dolly and then teaching me and my sister.
69. What do you currently have that has a greatest deal of sentimental value?
A book of sheet music from Rose that Mami sent me in the mail
70. How do you cheer yourself up when you're feeling down?
I cook or I sing. Usually both.
71. What do you bring to a friendship?
Laughter and a good ear.
72. How would you define true friendship?
One heart in two bodies.
73. What is your favorite holiday?
Halloween.
74. What makes you angry?
Hypocrisy, bigotry and/or ignorance
75. Would you defend a friend?
The scar on my knee says yes
76. Are you a morning or night person?
I can be either. Usually, morning person.
77. If there was a one guide on how to live what would it be?
Considering how divisive the Bible is, I would have to say "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
78. What was the first book you ever read?
Without wanting to cry, Green Eggs & Ham
79. What are your bookmarked websites?
Facebook, the UNC homepage, my blog, Fanfiction.net, The Onion, the Huffington Post, Pandora, Youtube, Enclyclopedia Dramatica, Wikipedia, TV Tropes, Twitter, and Watch-movies.net
80. Do you look more like your father or your mother?
My father with my mother's skin tone. Eyes came from my great-grandpa.
81. Do you believe in luck or fate?
I believe we make our own. "There is no fate but what we make." I also believe everything happens for a reason.
82. What song has a message that you love?
Lean On Me (Bill Withers), Live Like You Were Dying (Tim McGraw), When I Get Where I'm Goin' (Brad Paisley), Keep Ya Head Up (Tupac Shakur), and For Good (Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenoweth)
83. What is one landmark you hope to see one day?
The Globe Theater
84. What do you love about the city you live in?
It still has a small town atmosphere despite being a large university.
85. What is/was your college mascot?
Ramses the Ram
86. Do you still have your wisdom teeth?
Yes
87. What food do you like that you shouldn't?
Peanut butter cookies, I'm allergic to peanuts. You see the problem here, don't you?
88. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?
Unless they decide to be stubborn, Los Gemelos Nuevos will be born on or around my birthday.
89. What is your favorite song to workout to?
I just put iPod on shuffle and listen, don't have a preference really
90. What stereotype do people often make based on your appearance?
I lost count of how many times women have scurried away when I'm walking at night.
91. Can you name one person who cleans the building you work or take classes in?
Yes. I was waiting for a test in the education building when I struck up a conversation with one of the cleaning ladies. Her name is Grace, she's 53, and is one of the best storytellers of ever.
92. If you're sure of what you want to do in life career-wise, what put you on that path?
The rush I felt when Skittles (one of my first graders) started being able to read with confidence, that moment killed any doubts I had about teaching
93. Describe your dream house.
Large sprawling yard, backyard containing a flower/vegetable garden, pool, and fire pit. Must have a porch swing, hopefully a wraparound porch.
94. What was your first pet?
A gorgeous mixed breed named Lady. When I was about 4, she crawled under our neighbour's bushes, lay down, and died.
95. What was last movie you watched with your significant other that you both enjoyed?
Legally Blonde
96. If your friends could change one thing about you, what would it be?
My lack of self-confidence
97. What is one talent your significant other appreciates that you have?
My ability to give a good massage and serve as a general source of warmth or my ability to tell when someone is bothered and do what it takes to help them
98. Does the internet ever scare you?
Dude, see #55. If you know the Rules of the Internet, you know what site I'm talking about. The one God-awful enough to warrant TWO rules on that list.
99. What was the funniest moment you've ever had at a movie theater?
I have two. One was when a former friend saw someone coming and says loudly, "Is that a man?" He gets smacked and we realize that he's talking about his girlfriend's mother. The other is more recent, I was with my girlfriend and we have a comical argument over the women in The Spirit. The ushers were even crying from laughter.
100. Who is your favorite T. V. show character and why?
Xander Harris from Buffy. I am the goofball with a good heart so I can relate. We also both use laughter to mask our fear at times. Both have abandonment issues. And we both have far more female friends than male.
101. Describe your relationship with your birth parents?
Both were pretty much non-entities until I was 15. Me and my mom are still working on it, while my dad is another story entirely.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Conversations With Dolly: A Sweet Republican
Dolly: "So Kendall, who are you voting for?"
Me: "Ok Dear, let's look at this logically. I am very, very, very liberal. To the point that many democrats think I'm radical. I despise Baby Bush and his posse with every fibre of my being. I think Sarah Palin should have her vagina revoked and then studied to determine its authenticity. Now would you like to ask me this question again?"
The Diva: "You forgot to mention you were black."
Me: "No I didn't, that would just be overkill though."
Dolly: "So you wouldn't wear one of my McCain buttons?"
Me: "Dear, were you not a friend whom I love dearly, I would probably burn it. As you are my friend, I will just politely decline."
Dolly: "So I get special treatment because I'm your friend?"
Me: "Isn't that how the world's always worked?"
Me: "Ok Dear, let's look at this logically. I am very, very, very liberal. To the point that many democrats think I'm radical. I despise Baby Bush and his posse with every fibre of my being. I think Sarah Palin should have her vagina revoked and then studied to determine its authenticity. Now would you like to ask me this question again?"
The Diva: "You forgot to mention you were black."
Me: "No I didn't, that would just be overkill though."
Dolly: "So you wouldn't wear one of my McCain buttons?"
Me: "Dear, were you not a friend whom I love dearly, I would probably burn it. As you are my friend, I will just politely decline."
Dolly: "So I get special treatment because I'm your friend?"
Me: "Isn't that how the world's always worked?"
And People Say Politics Aren't Funny
Since I would like a slight break from studying, I decided to share this with y'all.
I make no secret of the fact that I dislike Sarah Palin. I can admit with complete honesty that I actually like Baby Bush more than I like her. So when I found this on Sarah Nielson's blog (who you should check out post haste at sarahnielson.com) I nearly cried laughing.
Start laughing yourself here.
I make no secret of the fact that I dislike Sarah Palin. I can admit with complete honesty that I actually like Baby Bush more than I like her. So when I found this on Sarah Nielson's blog (who you should check out post haste at sarahnielson.com) I nearly cried laughing.
Start laughing yourself here.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Maybe I Really Am A Nice Person
I actually had a different blog post in mind for today but felt the events of this morning were more prevalent.
I was driving home after leaving Greenville, listening to whatever random song my iPod was playing. I had just gotten into the Chapel Hill city limits when I notice the jeep about 60 yards ahead has turned its hazard lights on and is pulling off to the side.
With memories of my Nana teaching me to always help someone in need at the forefront of my mind, I pull off a bit behind them. The driver is a rather harried-looking woman in her early 30's. As she opens the door, I hear the sounds of a screaming baby.
I announce myself before asking if she needs help, I didn't want to scare the poor woman. She looks at me and I could see her eyes widen a bit and she starts looking around for something. The more cynical part of me thinks it was something to defend herself with from the potential mugger coming at her.
I ask her what's the problem and in heavily accented English, she tells me her tire has a flat and she was scared to drive on it with her son and daughter in the car. Around the word "drive" she slipped completely into Spanish. I tell her to hold on, in Spanish. It was like the fact I spoke the same language she did had a calming effect and she no longer visibly seemed intimidated by me. I go back to my car, pop the trunk, and come back with my spare tire.
We made small talk while I took off her old tire, there had been a tack in it, and replaced it. I found out she had been looking for a sign pointing towards UNC hospital as her sister was having a baby.
Once it's finished, I tell her to follow me and we'll take a way so as to avoid all the traffic. When we arrive at the main building 10 minutes later, she gets out and one hand is holding a cell phone to her ear while her other hand is holding that of a little boy, no older than 2, who is sucking his thumb. Holding his sleeve is a little girl of the same age clutching a Dora the Explorer doll. The woman ends her phone call and tells me that her sister would like to thank me.
Now I'm usually a pretty outgoing person but I do have moments of shyness. Especially if it's someone thanking me for something, worse if it's someone I do not actually know. Plus, I thought it would be awkward for me to meet a woman who had given birth in the wee hours of the morning and was now in recovery.
So it is with great trepidation that I follow her up to the recovery room. We get there and I let them go in ahead of me. Not even a minute had passed by when the woman poked her head out and told me her sister was asking about me.
I walked into her room and I see a woman who could not have been three years older than me lying in a bed. She seemed far too small to have just had a baby. She motions me over and takes my hand in both of hers. She thanks me for making sure her sister got here safely and quickly.
I tried to tell her that anyone would have done it.
She then gave me a disquieting piercing look and told me that not many would stop to help a stranger anymore. And many who would have ulterior motives for doing so. She then reached to her wrist and took off one of the rosary beads there.
I spent another 30 minutes with them. I found out their names and where they were from. I gave them mine. The younger sister even asked that I go to their church next Sunday.
Take something from this folks. It doesn't cost much if anything to do something for others. And often, it has its own rewards.
I was driving home after leaving Greenville, listening to whatever random song my iPod was playing. I had just gotten into the Chapel Hill city limits when I notice the jeep about 60 yards ahead has turned its hazard lights on and is pulling off to the side.
With memories of my Nana teaching me to always help someone in need at the forefront of my mind, I pull off a bit behind them. The driver is a rather harried-looking woman in her early 30's. As she opens the door, I hear the sounds of a screaming baby.
I announce myself before asking if she needs help, I didn't want to scare the poor woman. She looks at me and I could see her eyes widen a bit and she starts looking around for something. The more cynical part of me thinks it was something to defend herself with from the potential mugger coming at her.
I ask her what's the problem and in heavily accented English, she tells me her tire has a flat and she was scared to drive on it with her son and daughter in the car. Around the word "drive" she slipped completely into Spanish. I tell her to hold on, in Spanish. It was like the fact I spoke the same language she did had a calming effect and she no longer visibly seemed intimidated by me. I go back to my car, pop the trunk, and come back with my spare tire.
We made small talk while I took off her old tire, there had been a tack in it, and replaced it. I found out she had been looking for a sign pointing towards UNC hospital as her sister was having a baby.
Once it's finished, I tell her to follow me and we'll take a way so as to avoid all the traffic. When we arrive at the main building 10 minutes later, she gets out and one hand is holding a cell phone to her ear while her other hand is holding that of a little boy, no older than 2, who is sucking his thumb. Holding his sleeve is a little girl of the same age clutching a Dora the Explorer doll. The woman ends her phone call and tells me that her sister would like to thank me.
Now I'm usually a pretty outgoing person but I do have moments of shyness. Especially if it's someone thanking me for something, worse if it's someone I do not actually know. Plus, I thought it would be awkward for me to meet a woman who had given birth in the wee hours of the morning and was now in recovery.
So it is with great trepidation that I follow her up to the recovery room. We get there and I let them go in ahead of me. Not even a minute had passed by when the woman poked her head out and told me her sister was asking about me.
I walked into her room and I see a woman who could not have been three years older than me lying in a bed. She seemed far too small to have just had a baby. She motions me over and takes my hand in both of hers. She thanks me for making sure her sister got here safely and quickly.
I tried to tell her that anyone would have done it.
She then gave me a disquieting piercing look and told me that not many would stop to help a stranger anymore. And many who would have ulterior motives for doing so. She then reached to her wrist and took off one of the rosary beads there.
I want you to have this. I want you to look at it and remember what you did today. Kindness to strangers isn't dead and you stand here as prove of that. The Good Samaritan. God Bless You.
I spent another 30 minutes with them. I found out their names and where they were from. I gave them mine. The younger sister even asked that I go to their church next Sunday.
Take something from this folks. It doesn't cost much if anything to do something for others. And often, it has its own rewards.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
When In Doubt, Look To The Books!
I saw this idea in a Blogher post and as I lack the proper plumbing to join and comment on the network I will make a post of my own.
I may love reading now but before I was eight years old, it was a constant struggle. I had a horrible time reading in English and since I would always have to read out loud in school and stumbled I associated all reading with my failure. However, if you handed me something in Spanish I would have devoured it even if I struggled with some of the words in it.
Let me explain something that may be unclear, I could read in English as well as any 8 year old but only if it was to myself.
I remember it was the winter of 1996 and I was trying to read Green Eggs & Ham out loud to myself. Emphasis on trying. One of the librarians saw me having trouble and sat down with me to explain how to make the sounds like I heard them in my head and not replace them with Spanish sounds as I was wont to do.
Then this woman did something amazing for me. She bought me a book for Christmas. Wrapped and everything.
I was hooked from then on out. I tore through this series and at the same time many other fantastic worlds. There is nothing like pulling a warm blanket from the closet and sitting down with a good book on a cold day.
It's strange to think I used to have so much trouble with it. I remember laughing when I received an award in 7th grade for being one of the three most well-read kids in my middle school. When I graduated from high school, I boxed up all of my books and donated them to the libraries of my high school and my former elementary school.
I myself wasn't read to but I do read to Daybreak when I can. I read Peter Pan to her over the summer, then Horton Hatches the Egg and Green Eggs & Ham, now we've started on Alice in Wonderland. She'll even ask me if she can read it to me for a while and I or Eva just help her with the words she stumbles over.
So do a child a favour and read to them. Some day, they will thank you for it.
(Daybreak reading Eva's old collection of fairly tales. It took several tries to get her not to look up or laugh while Eva took this picture.)
P. S. Much internet love to anyone who can tell where the title came from without the services of Google.
You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel like you've lost a good friend. - Paul Sweeney
I may love reading now but before I was eight years old, it was a constant struggle. I had a horrible time reading in English and since I would always have to read out loud in school and stumbled I associated all reading with my failure. However, if you handed me something in Spanish I would have devoured it even if I struggled with some of the words in it.
Let me explain something that may be unclear, I could read in English as well as any 8 year old but only if it was to myself.
I remember it was the winter of 1996 and I was trying to read Green Eggs & Ham out loud to myself. Emphasis on trying. One of the librarians saw me having trouble and sat down with me to explain how to make the sounds like I heard them in my head and not replace them with Spanish sounds as I was wont to do.
Then this woman did something amazing for me. She bought me a book for Christmas. Wrapped and everything.
I was hooked from then on out. I tore through this series and at the same time many other fantastic worlds. There is nothing like pulling a warm blanket from the closet and sitting down with a good book on a cold day.
It's strange to think I used to have so much trouble with it. I remember laughing when I received an award in 7th grade for being one of the three most well-read kids in my middle school. When I graduated from high school, I boxed up all of my books and donated them to the libraries of my high school and my former elementary school.
I myself wasn't read to but I do read to Daybreak when I can. I read Peter Pan to her over the summer, then Horton Hatches the Egg and Green Eggs & Ham, now we've started on Alice in Wonderland. She'll even ask me if she can read it to me for a while and I or Eva just help her with the words she stumbles over.
So do a child a favour and read to them. Some day, they will thank you for it.
(Daybreak reading Eva's old collection of fairly tales. It took several tries to get her not to look up or laugh while Eva took this picture.)
P. S. Much internet love to anyone who can tell where the title came from without the services of Google.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
No One Should Be Lonely...Not Even Scarecrows
This was a conversation that took place when Eva and Daybreak came by for breakfast before we went shopping for Halloween goodies throughout Chapel Hill.
Daybreak: "Papa?"
Me: "Yes Daybreak?"
Daybreak: "Are you gonna have a scarecrow for Halloween?"
Me: "Most likely, why?"
Daybreak: "No reason, just askin'. Mommy?"
Eva: "Yes Honey?"
Daybreak: "Are we gonna have a scarecrow?"
Eva: "Yes, why?"
Daybreak: "Can our scarecrow and Papa's scarecrow be together? That way, they're not lonely."
So I present to you, clothed and accessorized from the Good Will for under $30, Izzy and Lulu the Scarecrow
Daybreak: "Papa?"
Me: "Yes Daybreak?"
Daybreak: "Are you gonna have a scarecrow for Halloween?"
Me: "Most likely, why?"
Daybreak: "No reason, just askin'. Mommy?"
Eva: "Yes Honey?"
Daybreak: "Are we gonna have a scarecrow?"
Eva: "Yes, why?"
Daybreak: "Can our scarecrow and Papa's scarecrow be together? That way, they're not lonely."
So I present to you, clothed and accessorized from the Good Will for under $30, Izzy and Lulu the Scarecrow
101 Things in 1,001 Days
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.
Start Date: October 11, 2008
Completion Date: July 9, 2011
Key
Not started yet
In Progress
Completed
1. Start sketching again
2. Earn my B. A. degrees in Elementary Education and English
3. Accumulate at least $3,000 in my savings account
4. Visit Disney World again
5. Go to Ft. Lauderdale
6. Complete NaNoWriMo at least once
7. Visit Nashville, Tennessee
8. Work on learning a third language conversationally; probably either French or Italian
9. Work up the nerve to actually record a CD with Pippi
10. Have a piece published on the Huffington Post in honour of my journalism days from high school
11. Read all of Stephen King's works (12/70)
12. Read all of Nicholas Spark's works (1/14)
13. Apply to Teach For America
14. Take a trip back to California and just explore
15. Make significant headway on planning a trip back to Europe
16. Go a month without dropping the F-bomb and continue to significantly cut down my use of it afterward
17. Do the following with Eva and Dawn; carving a jack-o-lantern, making a gingerbread house, bake cookies for Christmas and Halloween, go trick-or-treating, and riding in a hot air balloon
18. Kiss Eva in the rain (Oct. 17, 2008)
19. Spend more time with The Godmother as she gets older
20. Get my time on the 40 yard dash down to under 10 seconds
21. Volunteer at NC State's wrestling camp
22. Eat at least two square meals every day for 30 days consecutively without vomiting and then do all I can to keep that up (3/60)
23. Get Confirmed
24. Volunteer at a blood drive since I can't give blood (Anemia)
25. Read all the way through my Bible
26. Try out as a walk-on for UNC's wrestling team if my knee allows it
27. Learn to whistle
28. Make at least one new friend a month
29. Go scuba diving
30. Receive First Aid Certification
31. Send Eva flowers randomly with a little note attached for no reason other than I can
32. Start meeting my little sister for lunch at least once every other week
33. Volunteer in the Chapel Hill soup kitchen
34. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity again
35. Volunteer to read to kids at the library in town
36. Make at least three people smile every day
37. Learn how to do web design
38. Make a scrap book
39. Get dressed up and go dancing with Eva at least once a month, whether it's salsa, meringue, or ballroom.
40. Start playing the piano and trombone again and stick with them
41. Teach Daybreak how to ride a bike
42. Teach Eva and Daybreak how to Rollerblade.
43. Private
44. Go to a drive-in movie (Oct 13, 2008)
45. Perform one act of kindness for someone I don't know at least once a day
46. Join Big Brothers, Big Sisters
47. Forgive and learn to trust in myself
48. Apply to graduate school
49. Leave people notes, messages, and call them randomly just to say hello and not feel awkward for not having a specific reason.
50. Take more culinary courses. At least five and at least one should be on how to decorate a cake.
51. Apply for a Teaching Internship for my senior year
52. Attend a UNC basketball game in the Alumni section
53. Get my mom and Aunt K tickets to at least five basketball games while I'm here
54. Spend a whole day doing nothing but exploring Raleigh
55. Take Faith for long walks at least twice a week.
56. Submit at least one Op-Ed to the Daily Tar Heel before graduation.
57. Start gardening again.
58. Make $150 waiting tables at work. (Oct 14, 2008 - $219!)
59. Go to Boston and visit Mami and Los Gemelos Nuevos for their birthdays and at least one holiday every year.
60. Get a tattoo (one that won't get me in trouble as a teacher)
61. Tie-dye at least one t-shirt and one sheet (Nov. 8, 2008)
62. Once every other week, go outside with no shoes, find a nice spot in the grass, and just relax
63. Participate in an amateur improv comedy night
64. Be the one to finally recreate my Grandma's homemade biscuits
65. Take a photography class
66. Take Aunt Ty up on her offer at least once and visit her in Miami
67. See at least one play or musical every 3 months
68. Make a kite from scratch and fly it (Oct. 25, 2008)
69. Learn to box
70. Go back to Nashville (NC, my hometown) and let my Uncle Gook cut my hair for old time's sake
71. Teach Daybreak how to care for flowers
72. Go on a camping/hiking trip with my friends
73. Make each of my friends a homemade cake for their birthday at least once
74. Compile a list of 101 things that make me happy
75. Go to a Gay Pride parade
76. Write a letter to myself to read at the completion of this list
77. Sing at least once a day every day
78. Beat my claustrophobia
79. Start saving the essays I write (Oct 12, 2008)
80. Help the Pop Queen start up her literary magazine
81. Participate in a surfing contest
82. See every film on IMDB's Top 250 Movies list (74/250)
83. Buy and read at least one book a month
84. Buy an iPhone
85. Buy a new laptop (a Mac)
86. Convince someone else to do a 101 Things in 1,001 Days list (Oct. 29, 2008 - Good luck Ben!)
87. Knit a scarf or hat for someone (Oct 22, 2008)
88. Start playing chess again and compete in a tournament
89. Write a children's book
90. Get my teeth whitened
91. Write a piece of short fiction and get it published
92.Start a cookbook (Oct 12 2008)
93. Make the Dean's List at least two semesters
94. Attend a Bible study regularly
95. Vote in the 2008 Presidential Election (Nov. 4, 2008 - GOBAMA!)
96. Dress up as Hellboy for Halloween
97. Have a picnic in the park
98. Go back to Washington D. C. and explore the city.
99. Go to a film and music festival
100. Write by hand 15 letters to people I love and send them
101. Celebrate completing this list with something GRAND and make a new one
Looking at my list now is really really daunting. But by the time this is over I'll have been out of college for over a year and out in the real world. It may seem impossible to complete all of these in 2.75 years but I will have to "stay the course". Wow, I just quoted Baby Bush in a non-derogatory way. Maybe this is a sign that I'm falling ill...
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.
2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.
3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.
4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.
5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.
Start Date: October 11, 2008
Completion Date: July 9, 2011
Key
Not started yet
In Progress
1. Start sketching again
2. Earn my B. A. degrees in Elementary Education and English
3. Accumulate at least $3,000 in my savings account
4. Visit Disney World again
5. Go to Ft. Lauderdale
6. Complete NaNoWriMo at least once
7. Visit Nashville, Tennessee
8. Work on learning a third language conversationally; probably either French or Italian
9. Work up the nerve to actually record a CD with Pippi
10. Have a piece published on the Huffington Post in honour of my journalism days from high school
11. Read all of Stephen King's works (12/70)
12. Read all of Nicholas Spark's works (1/14)
13. Apply to Teach For America
14. Take a trip back to California and just explore
15. Make significant headway on planning a trip back to Europe
16. Go a month without dropping the F-bomb and continue to significantly cut down my use of it afterward
17. Do the following with Eva and Dawn; carving a jack-o-lantern, making a gingerbread house, bake cookies for Christmas and Halloween, go trick-or-treating, and riding in a hot air balloon
19. Spend more time with The Godmother as she gets older
20. Get my time on the 40 yard dash down to under 10 seconds
21. Volunteer at NC State's wrestling camp
22. Eat at least two square meals every day for 30 days consecutively without vomiting and then do all I can to keep that up (3/60)
23. Get Confirmed
24. Volunteer at a blood drive since I can't give blood (Anemia)
25. Read all the way through my Bible
26. Try out as a walk-on for UNC's wrestling team if my knee allows it
27. Learn to whistle
28. Make at least one new friend a month
29. Go scuba diving
30. Receive First Aid Certification
31. Send Eva flowers randomly with a little note attached for no reason other than I can
32. Start meeting my little sister for lunch at least once every other week
33. Volunteer in the Chapel Hill soup kitchen
34. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity again
35. Volunteer to read to kids at the library in town
36. Make at least three people smile every day
37. Learn how to do web design
38. Make a scrap book
39. Get dressed up and go dancing with Eva at least once a month, whether it's salsa, meringue, or ballroom.
40. Start playing the piano and trombone again and stick with them
41. Teach Daybreak how to ride a bike
42. Teach Eva and Daybreak how to Rollerblade.
43. Private
45. Perform one act of kindness for someone I don't know at least once a day
46. Join Big Brothers, Big Sisters
47. Forgive and learn to trust in myself
48. Apply to graduate school
49. Leave people notes, messages, and call them randomly just to say hello and not feel awkward for not having a specific reason.
50. Take more culinary courses. At least five and at least one should be on how to decorate a cake.
51. Apply for a Teaching Internship for my senior year
52. Attend a UNC basketball game in the Alumni section
53. Get my mom and Aunt K tickets to at least five basketball games while I'm here
54. Spend a whole day doing nothing but exploring Raleigh
55. Take Faith for long walks at least twice a week.
56. Submit at least one Op-Ed to the Daily Tar Heel before graduation.
57. Start gardening again.
59. Go to Boston and visit Mami and Los Gemelos Nuevos for their birthdays and at least one holiday every year.
60. Get a tattoo (one that won't get me in trouble as a teacher)
62. Once every other week, go outside with no shoes, find a nice spot in the grass, and just relax
63. Participate in an amateur improv comedy night
64. Be the one to finally recreate my Grandma's homemade biscuits
65. Take a photography class
66. Take Aunt Ty up on her offer at least once and visit her in Miami
67. See at least one play or musical every 3 months
69. Learn to box
70. Go back to Nashville (NC, my hometown) and let my Uncle Gook cut my hair for old time's sake
71. Teach Daybreak how to care for flowers
72. Go on a camping/hiking trip with my friends
73. Make each of my friends a homemade cake for their birthday at least once
74. Compile a list of 101 things that make me happy
75. Go to a Gay Pride parade
76. Write a letter to myself to read at the completion of this list
77. Sing at least once a day every day
78. Beat my claustrophobia
80. Help the Pop Queen start up her literary magazine
81. Participate in a surfing contest
82. See every film on IMDB's Top 250 Movies list (74/250)
83. Buy and read at least one book a month
84. Buy an iPhone
85. Buy a new laptop (a Mac)
88. Start playing chess again and compete in a tournament
89. Write a children's book
90. Get my teeth whitened
91. Write a piece of short fiction and get it published
92.
93. Make the Dean's List at least two semesters
94. Attend a Bible study regularly
96. Dress up as Hellboy for Halloween
97. Have a picnic in the park
98. Go back to Washington D. C. and explore the city.
99. Go to a film and music festival
100. Write by hand 15 letters to people I love and send them
101. Celebrate completing this list with something GRAND and make a new one
Looking at my list now is really really daunting. But by the time this is over I'll have been out of college for over a year and out in the real world. It may seem impossible to complete all of these in 2.75 years but I will have to "stay the course". Wow, I just quoted Baby Bush in a non-derogatory way. Maybe this is a sign that I'm falling ill...
Friday, October 10, 2008
On Catholic Guilt
For as long as I've been a member of the Catholic Church, however unofficially, I have known one simple fact.
I am a horrible Catholic.
I know, I know. Not even two weeks ago I wrote about how I had come to love God. So how am I a horrible Catholic?
As much as I love attending Mass and the people here, I know I disagree with a lot of their ideas. I hear Father Oaks speak about the evils of abortion and I try and sink down into my pew.
I am a full supporter of gay marriage. I was pretty much raised by two lesbians and have been dubbed the lesbian's equivalent of a fag hag. Throughout high school, I caught a lot of crap for not being quiet on my views about this. Oh, the joys of living in the Bible Belt. On a side note, civil unions remind me too much of what I've heard of the "seperate yet equal" policies.
Before I move on, I'd like to say good job to the state of Connecticut.
Premarital sex, I'm sorry but I love sex. I'm not going to deny this. I don't sleep around but should I get married, I won't be up there as a virgin. This is pretty much why I also think contraceptives are amazing.
Despite the fact I personally get ill thinking of abortion, I recognize that there are health reasons that make it a real option. So for that reason, I am Pro-Choice. Which has caused some rather uncomfortable debates with my friends.
Thus the phenomena I call Catholic guilt. I have had less understanding Christians tell me that I am going to Hell for my views and if that's the case, then at least I'm prepared.
(image courtesy of atickettohell.com)
I am a horrible Catholic.
I know, I know. Not even two weeks ago I wrote about how I had come to love God. So how am I a horrible Catholic?
As much as I love attending Mass and the people here, I know I disagree with a lot of their ideas. I hear Father Oaks speak about the evils of abortion and I try and sink down into my pew.
I am a full supporter of gay marriage. I was pretty much raised by two lesbians and have been dubbed the lesbian's equivalent of a fag hag. Throughout high school, I caught a lot of crap for not being quiet on my views about this. Oh, the joys of living in the Bible Belt. On a side note, civil unions remind me too much of what I've heard of the "seperate yet equal" policies.
Before I move on, I'd like to say good job to the state of Connecticut.
Premarital sex, I'm sorry but I love sex. I'm not going to deny this. I don't sleep around but should I get married, I won't be up there as a virgin. This is pretty much why I also think contraceptives are amazing.
Despite the fact I personally get ill thinking of abortion, I recognize that there are health reasons that make it a real option. So for that reason, I am Pro-Choice. Which has caused some rather uncomfortable debates with my friends.
Thus the phenomena I call Catholic guilt. I have had less understanding Christians tell me that I am going to Hell for my views and if that's the case, then at least I'm prepared.
(image courtesy of atickettohell.com)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
On Broken Wings and Relearning to Fly Part II
It took me a good portion of the summer months to believe that Eva had not made a mistake in liking, and later loving me. It honestly surprised me that she was so patient with my issues. There was still a dilemma though.
Could I love her? Could I open myself up again? Would I end up making the same mistakes all over again?
I had to try. I wanted our relationship to work and was willing to work at it. I remember sitting with her in her living room and telling her the worst of me, not wanting her to find out down the road and it cause trust issues. And, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I wanted to see if she would think I was no good and call things off.
Imagine my shock when she merely thanked me and said she was proud of me for being open about it.
So throughout the summer, we spent time together and generally had a blast. Took lots of trips to the park, went with her and her family to Myrtle Beach, went to more movies than I ever have in one summer, did a lot of cooking, and for the first time since September 2007, I was on my way to being happy with my lot in life.
I tried to completely get over Tinkerbell, I had always been told you should put your ex out of your mind. The following snippet of conversation changed that.
Eva: She was your first love and even now, you want her to be happy. It would be unlike you to stop loving someone.
Me: But isn't that a bad thing in this case?
Eva: You're Kendall. I don't think you could help it if you tried. And honestly, that's a good thing. Your heart is too big not to love people.
I decided to give her advice to try and not worry about it so much. Lo and behold, I was much happier with myself as a result.
Life is funny in that you only learn the lessons after you've taken the test. I have accepted myself and am working on loving myself. Forgiving myself? That's still a work in progress but I am hopeful.
In a complete turnaround from the last post which had me crying, this one just makes me want to call Eva up, curl up on the couch with a blanket, and enjoy her company.
I think I like this idea.
Here's hoping you all find a little love in your lives,
Kendall (The Odd Duck)
Could I love her? Could I open myself up again? Would I end up making the same mistakes all over again?
I had to try. I wanted our relationship to work and was willing to work at it. I remember sitting with her in her living room and telling her the worst of me, not wanting her to find out down the road and it cause trust issues. And, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I wanted to see if she would think I was no good and call things off.
Imagine my shock when she merely thanked me and said she was proud of me for being open about it.
So throughout the summer, we spent time together and generally had a blast. Took lots of trips to the park, went with her and her family to Myrtle Beach, went to more movies than I ever have in one summer, did a lot of cooking, and for the first time since September 2007, I was on my way to being happy with my lot in life.
I tried to completely get over Tinkerbell, I had always been told you should put your ex out of your mind. The following snippet of conversation changed that.
Eva: She was your first love and even now, you want her to be happy. It would be unlike you to stop loving someone.
Me: But isn't that a bad thing in this case?
Eva: You're Kendall. I don't think you could help it if you tried. And honestly, that's a good thing. Your heart is too big not to love people.
I decided to give her advice to try and not worry about it so much. Lo and behold, I was much happier with myself as a result.
“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” - Leo F. Buscagilia
Life is funny in that you only learn the lessons after you've taken the test. I have accepted myself and am working on loving myself. Forgiving myself? That's still a work in progress but I am hopeful.
In a complete turnaround from the last post which had me crying, this one just makes me want to call Eva up, curl up on the couch with a blanket, and enjoy her company.
I think I like this idea.
Here's hoping you all find a little love in your lives,
Kendall (The Odd Duck)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
On Broken Wings And Relearning to Fly Part I
Normally I have no trouble getting the words down once I pick a topic. Normally I don't dread making a post. Normally I'm not afraid of what people are going to think when they read it.
I suppose there must be a first time for everything.
Mytattered well-loved copy of Webster's defines love as a warm attachment and the passion between the sexes.
My Bible has several definitions but my personal favorite is 1 Corinthians 13:4.
Through my own stupidity I lost the first person I loved and in doing so broke my own heart in the process. For those first two months at least, the only thing keeping me somewhat sane was that I had disappointed Tinkerbell. I would all I could to avoid doing so ever again. I hated myself but I had to try and make amends.
I lost count of how many sleepless nights I've had, crying to myself.
I lost count of how many times in those first two months the thought of suicide actually crossed my mind.
I lost count of how many times I would try and eat only to throw it up shortly after.
I had no idea who I was anymore. So I had to learn to depend on her, and soon enough, I did. She was the one person I actually talked about my emotions with. Everyone else thought I was getting better much quicker than I actually was. She knew better and would call me on it.
Slowly I started to believe I wasn't trash. I thought maybe I really could have a second chance.
Funny how life works out sometimes, I found my second chance at happiness but not in the way I was expecting.
While taking community college classes before transferring to UNC, I had a Developmental Psych course with Eva. We had gone to high school together even though we were never really friends but we became study buddies and then friends.
Somehow Eva got it in her head that I was dating material. I was actually gobsmacked when she admitted it. Then against my head's warnings, I started to like her as well. The problem? I loved Tinkerbell.
I refused to admit I liked Eva for about a month but at the same time, Tinkerbell had met a very good guy and we were realizing that we couldn't be together. We wished each other well in trying new relationships.
Slowly I let myself develop feelings for Eva. Feelings that came to a head May 24, when I asked her out when we had gone dancing.
What seems like a lifetime ago, I gave my word to hold nothing back from Tinkerbell and had done my best to keep that promise. She said she didn't want to hear about Eva as it hurt too much and I respected that decision.
A bit of trivia about Tinkerbell. She knows me better than just about anyone in the world and she can tell when something is bothering me so when she asked I told her. I guess I pushed her too far because she told me I merely saw her as my shrink.
People, I do not open up easily. At all. In fact, it's taken me hours just to get myself to share this much with you. But to hear that from her, I had to ask myself if I did.
I even asked my other close friends if I treated them like that.
With a higher reluctance to talk to people about my problems, how was I to even attempt a relationship with Eva? Sadly, I will have to finish this story tomorrow. Too many buried emotions have been unearthed as is and I need a break. Sleep would be great too.
To be concluded...
I suppose there must be a first time for everything.
My
My Bible has several definitions but my personal favorite is 1 Corinthians 13:4.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Through my own stupidity I lost the first person I loved and in doing so broke my own heart in the process. For those first two months at least, the only thing keeping me somewhat sane was that I had disappointed Tinkerbell. I would all I could to avoid doing so ever again. I hated myself but I had to try and make amends.
I lost count of how many sleepless nights I've had, crying to myself.
I lost count of how many times in those first two months the thought of suicide actually crossed my mind.
I lost count of how many times I would try and eat only to throw it up shortly after.
I had no idea who I was anymore. So I had to learn to depend on her, and soon enough, I did. She was the one person I actually talked about my emotions with. Everyone else thought I was getting better much quicker than I actually was. She knew better and would call me on it.
Slowly I started to believe I wasn't trash. I thought maybe I really could have a second chance.
Funny how life works out sometimes, I found my second chance at happiness but not in the way I was expecting.
While taking community college classes before transferring to UNC, I had a Developmental Psych course with Eva. We had gone to high school together even though we were never really friends but we became study buddies and then friends.
Somehow Eva got it in her head that I was dating material. I was actually gobsmacked when she admitted it. Then against my head's warnings, I started to like her as well. The problem? I loved Tinkerbell.
I refused to admit I liked Eva for about a month but at the same time, Tinkerbell had met a very good guy and we were realizing that we couldn't be together. We wished each other well in trying new relationships.
Slowly I let myself develop feelings for Eva. Feelings that came to a head May 24, when I asked her out when we had gone dancing.
What seems like a lifetime ago, I gave my word to hold nothing back from Tinkerbell and had done my best to keep that promise. She said she didn't want to hear about Eva as it hurt too much and I respected that decision.
A bit of trivia about Tinkerbell. She knows me better than just about anyone in the world and she can tell when something is bothering me so when she asked I told her. I guess I pushed her too far because she told me I merely saw her as my shrink.
People, I do not open up easily. At all. In fact, it's taken me hours just to get myself to share this much with you. But to hear that from her, I had to ask myself if I did.
I even asked my other close friends if I treated them like that.
With a higher reluctance to talk to people about my problems, how was I to even attempt a relationship with Eva? Sadly, I will have to finish this story tomorrow. Too many buried emotions have been unearthed as is and I need a break. Sleep would be great too.
To be concluded...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
My To-Do List For This Week
1. Die of a Starbucks overdose. The photo is me and my lab partner's cups while in her car after a Bio II lab test today. I've had about four cups since midnight on Monday while she's had three and two Rockstars.
2. Study. Study. Study. With my Bio, French Revolution, and European Lit exams next week, I'll pretty much be living in my books. Hopefully I will be able to get much of my revising done during the week so I can actually enjoy my four day weekend. Fingers crossed on that one.
3. Watch the presidential debate tonight after Dancing With The Stars. While wearing my Obama t-shirt of course.
4. Decide what classes to take next semester.
It actually sounds simple when I write it like this. Basically what's keeping me going is that I get to see Schoolhouse Rock Live next Friday and go to the NC State Fair on Saturday with Eva and Daybreak.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Speak Out Series: Eva
(Note From the Management: The opinions expressed in the Speak Out Series are those of their individual writer and not necessarily shared by myself. The only influence I have on this is showing them how to post and letting them use my password. Thank you.)
First, allow me to introduce myself. I am the Talented Miss Eva and yes, I am the one crazy (read: desperate) enough to date Kendall. Just kidding Sweetheart.
I'll answer a few questions you may have about the picture to the left before we get started tonight. Yes, they are real. Yes, I am a natural blonde although I will admit that I added bleach to it shortly before I left for that trip. No, you may not check the carpet.
Now that my preamble is out of the way, we can get down to the meat and potatoes of this little post of mine.
As you can see, genetics were quite kind to me in the bust department. Although on my more cynical days, I think they're a case of "too much of a good thing". Don't believe me? Well, we will just have to see about that.
Once upon a time, there was a nine year-old girl with a dream to become a professional gymnast. She wanted the glory, the recognition, the ability to travel the world. She had practiced as much as her mother would allow since she was small. Before her eleventh birthday, she would win several regional competitions and place at the state-level. Then along came puberty. At age 13, wearing a 32B and showing no signs of stopping, she was told that she did not have the "appropriate figure" to compete. Crushed, she left competitive gymnastics for good a few months short of turning 15.
I don't look back on that period of time fondly, even if it was over six years ago. I had never hated my body until then and probably would have delved into Anorexia had my mom not been on the lookout. Even with her making sure that I stopped before I got to that point, I still cursed my body with everything I had. Especially my breasts.
It was early in the summer of 2003 and I had gone shopping with my older sisters in Greenville, NC. We were walking out of Bath & Body Works when a sharp-dressed woman stopped us to ask if we would be interested in modeling. I didn't stay in it in long, but I have to admit it did rebuild my confidence in my appearance. Plus, what kind of girl would I be if I had turned down getting paid to play dress-up?
Now it's October of 2008. I'm a nursing student at Duke University, with a three (soon to be four) year-old daughter in tow. Let me repeat that, Duke University. I graduated from high school pretty damn high in the pack, not as much as say Kendall or The Bait but still impressive. Did I mention that my tuition at Duke is fully paid for because of the GPA I maintained at the community college I went to in order to save money? So, with all that in mind, will someone please tell me why I'm treated like a bimbo so often?
A recent example would be going to pick Daybreak up from the day care center last Friday. I had just gotten out of a seminar, still dressed in a business suit with power pumps and all, when I notice my gas light has popped on. I go to the Kangaroo and as I want something to drink, I go inside to pay. These two old men (I'd say they were in their early to mid-60's) were talking about Sarah Palin. I passively listen to them as I find a diet coke and make my way to the cashier when one of the men notice that I seem to be listening and nudges his buddy.
Man: All the while, staring right at my chest "Hey Earl, that little priss is listening like she understands anything about what goes on the world. What's the world coming to these days? Pretty girls like her just don't know their place anymore."
His buddy, Earl, laughs himself into a coughing fit.
It took every ounce of patience and self-restraint I possessed not to verbally castrate them. In my head, I could hear my mother telling me to be polite to my elders like a mantra. After a few moments, I calmed myself and left.
I really fucking hate stereotypes. I may love my boobs now, but dang if they're not more trouble than they're worth at times.
Sincerely, The Talented Miss Eva
First, allow me to introduce myself. I am the Talented Miss Eva and yes, I am the one crazy (read: desperate) enough to date Kendall. Just kidding Sweetheart.
I'll answer a few questions you may have about the picture to the left before we get started tonight. Yes, they are real. Yes, I am a natural blonde although I will admit that I added bleach to it shortly before I left for that trip. No, you may not check the carpet.
Now that my preamble is out of the way, we can get down to the meat and potatoes of this little post of mine.
"I hope people realize there is a brain beneath this hair and a heart beneath these boobs" - Dolly Parton
As you can see, genetics were quite kind to me in the bust department. Although on my more cynical days, I think they're a case of "too much of a good thing". Don't believe me? Well, we will just have to see about that.
Once upon a time, there was a nine year-old girl with a dream to become a professional gymnast. She wanted the glory, the recognition, the ability to travel the world. She had practiced as much as her mother would allow since she was small. Before her eleventh birthday, she would win several regional competitions and place at the state-level. Then along came puberty. At age 13, wearing a 32B and showing no signs of stopping, she was told that she did not have the "appropriate figure" to compete. Crushed, she left competitive gymnastics for good a few months short of turning 15.
I don't look back on that period of time fondly, even if it was over six years ago. I had never hated my body until then and probably would have delved into Anorexia had my mom not been on the lookout. Even with her making sure that I stopped before I got to that point, I still cursed my body with everything I had. Especially my breasts.
It was early in the summer of 2003 and I had gone shopping with my older sisters in Greenville, NC. We were walking out of Bath & Body Works when a sharp-dressed woman stopped us to ask if we would be interested in modeling. I didn't stay in it in long, but I have to admit it did rebuild my confidence in my appearance. Plus, what kind of girl would I be if I had turned down getting paid to play dress-up?
Now it's October of 2008. I'm a nursing student at Duke University, with a three (soon to be four) year-old daughter in tow. Let me repeat that, Duke University. I graduated from high school pretty damn high in the pack, not as much as say Kendall or The Bait but still impressive. Did I mention that my tuition at Duke is fully paid for because of the GPA I maintained at the community college I went to in order to save money? So, with all that in mind, will someone please tell me why I'm treated like a bimbo so often?
A recent example would be going to pick Daybreak up from the day care center last Friday. I had just gotten out of a seminar, still dressed in a business suit with power pumps and all, when I notice my gas light has popped on. I go to the Kangaroo and as I want something to drink, I go inside to pay. These two old men (I'd say they were in their early to mid-60's) were talking about Sarah Palin. I passively listen to them as I find a diet coke and make my way to the cashier when one of the men notice that I seem to be listening and nudges his buddy.
Man: All the while, staring right at my chest "Hey Earl, that little priss is listening like she understands anything about what goes on the world. What's the world coming to these days? Pretty girls like her just don't know their place anymore."
His buddy, Earl, laughs himself into a coughing fit.
It took every ounce of patience and self-restraint I possessed not to verbally castrate them. In my head, I could hear my mother telling me to be polite to my elders like a mantra. After a few moments, I calmed myself and left.
I really fucking hate stereotypes. I may love my boobs now, but dang if they're not more trouble than they're worth at times.
Sincerely, The Talented Miss Eva
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