On Appreciation

You never know quite what you have until it's gone. I thought I had all ready learned that lesson last year, really DID NOT need the remedial course.

I remember being afraid of Eva developing feelings for me, thinking I did not deserve a second chance. That she could do so much better.

I remember feeling terrified and simultaneously amazed that Daybreak would adopt me as her dad and that I would come to think of her as my own.

Slowly but surely, these two carved out a home in my heart. So when Eva told me we should stop seeing each other, it was like my world stopped. My heart pounded and my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend why.

Yet despite how horrible I felt and still do, I almost hissed a negative response when asked if I regretted dating her in first place.

From her using my legs as a pillow while we studied, to picnic lunches in the park and lazing the day away playing, to the days I would keep an eye on Daybreak while Eva worked, to teasing each other like a family would, the past seven months have been some of the happiest of my life and I would not trade them.

One of my greatest fears was that I would do something to screw up this relationship. In the irony that seems to govern my life at times, I did too well trying to prove I could do right by someone and Eva broke up with me before we got too close for lasting damage.

My simple response was, "it's too late for that hun."

So Internet, I turn to you in my time of need. Especially those of who you are single parents or have dated them.

Is it OK to be selfish and want this to work even after she broke up with me? Or should I just try and be her friend? I'm at a lost here as I want so badly to just say screw it and kiss her senseless the next time I see her. I probably won't (not saying never as I know how my emotions take over at times) but it won't be for lack of desire to.

I know when to admit that I'm in over my head. Now is most definitely one of those times.