A Tale of Bucks, Pups, and a Kiss for Luck

And hello 2009!

My New Year's Eve was spent with Eva, Daybreak, and The Devil A. K. A. my puppy. We played Monopoly. Me against team of Eva and Daybreak. I still say there was some money being slipped out of the bank but I'm not bitter.

Really.

More like impressed that they weren't caught.

You know the row between Jail/Just Visiting and Free Parking? Yeah that was death for me. By the end of the game, there was a hotel on New York Ave., Tennessee Ave., and St. James Place. To make matters worse, there were 3 houses on the purple properties whose names escape me at the moment.

Like I said, death.

I tried to fight back in other areas of the board but after landing on two hotels back-to-back and needing to mortgage one set of my houses, the game was pretty much over.

Then to add insult to injury, Daybreak takes a handful of their winnings, fans them out in her hands and gives her best attempt at a diabolical laugh. If you remember the classic nicktoon Rugrats, think Angelica's.

After my humiliating defeat we watched Mrs. Doubtfire and then Mulan, during which Daybreak fell asleep curled up against Eva's lap. After getting her ready for bed and then tucked in, we sat on the couch and sat talking for the last half hour of 2008.

When my clock struck 12, I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her. She put her arms around my neck and we stayed that way for a long minute, leaning our foreheads against each other after breaking apart.

Not a bad end to 2008. Not bad at all.

To Mr. Kris Kringle, A Thank You

Dear Santa,

I know, I know. You must be wondering why I'm writing again when I just wrote that letter earlier in the week. Well since I just posted about appreciated things while you still have them I would feel remiss if I did not thank you.

Me and Eva have had several long talk and as of approx. 6 PM today, we are back together. I spent part of Christmas morning with her and Daybreak before heading to The Godmother's and later on in the day at her mom's who then insisted I stay for a while.

I found myself started to question if I was right during the summer. If needing people was only inviting trouble. But I would like to think I have felt all I have just to prove that my younger self was wrong. That I cannot make it through life without others. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't miserable.

Now seeing as how Mami will be giving birth soon, I can only pray that you make it two for two.

Humbly yours,

Kendall

Small Points of Light

Thanks for the comments, Fbook messages, and emails in response to my last post folks, you have no idea how much I appreciated them.

I spent the weekend and Monday in Delaware with my family for my grandmére's
surprise birthday party. I saw my cousins and aunts who I normally see only once a year, I came down with a slight cold, I watched the Ravens whoop on the Cowboys, and I have a scar on my fingers from playing so much pool. All in all, it was a blast.

Yesterday was filled with doing my last round of Christmas shopping, playing with my puppy, and then meeting The Spawn at a bar in Raleigh where we spent the night hanging out with his friends, trying to get one of his friends a date, laughing at our incredibly intoxicated friend, and in general just goofing off. I had never been to this bar or any other, I've been to plenty of clubs sure but never to a bar. Must say that I enjoyed that experience.

I am supposed to be meeting Eva today as she asked me to come by sometime this evening. For what purpose exactly, I don't know yet but I am trying not to have a panic attack thinking about the possible outcome. Fingers crossed, kids.

But now I need to head to the grocery store since I am cooking my friends breakfast this morning. Rachel Ray and Paula Dean really are my therapists. Hmm, wonder what they charge by the hour?

Last but not least, if you are in the Raleigh area tonight around 7 or 8 and you see a group of people wearing Santa hats then look sharp, because one of them is most likely myself.

A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

On Appreciation

You never know quite what you have until it's gone. I thought I had all ready learned that lesson last year, really DID NOT need the remedial course.

I remember being afraid of Eva developing feelings for me, thinking I did not deserve a second chance. That she could do so much better.

I remember feeling terrified and simultaneously amazed that Daybreak would adopt me as her dad and that I would come to think of her as my own.

Slowly but surely, these two carved out a home in my heart. So when Eva told me we should stop seeing each other, it was like my world stopped. My heart pounded and my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend why.

Yet despite how horrible I felt and still do, I almost hissed a negative response when asked if I regretted dating her in first place.

From her using my legs as a pillow while we studied, to picnic lunches in the park and lazing the day away playing, to the days I would keep an eye on Daybreak while Eva worked, to teasing each other like a family would, the past seven months have been some of the happiest of my life and I would not trade them.

One of my greatest fears was that I would do something to screw up this relationship. In the irony that seems to govern my life at times, I did too well trying to prove I could do right by someone and Eva broke up with me before we got too close for lasting damage.

My simple response was, "it's too late for that hun."

So Internet, I turn to you in my time of need. Especially those of who you are single parents or have dated them.

Is it OK to be selfish and want this to work even after she broke up with me? Or should I just try and be her friend? I'm at a lost here as I want so badly to just say screw it and kiss her senseless the next time I see her. I probably won't (not saying never as I know how my emotions take over at times) but it won't be for lack of desire to.

I know when to admit that I'm in over my head. Now is most definitely one of those times.

Her Christmas Wish

Before I tell this story, I need to give you folks a bit of background info about Daybreak's shall we say...suspicious nature. She has been asking if Santa Claus is really real since yesterday when one of the kids she goes to preschool with made her cry by yelling at her that there was no such person. Little brat. So when she asked if we could go to the mall for her to see Santa we were, needless to say, a bit surprised and a bit more confused. You would think we knew by now that we were in for craziness.

With my fingers slightly numb -- from shopping bags, not the weather -- me and Eva watched as Daybreak tentatively approached her goal. I would not have been surprised to find little beads of sweat peppered across her forehead. She stopped a few feet short and wide green eyes turned to me and her mom with a classic deer-in-the-headlights expression. She shook her head and ran back into Eva's legs.

Eva: "What's wrong Daybreak?"
Daybreak: "I'm scared."
Me: "Of what?"
Daybreak: *mumbles*
Eva: "Speak up, I can't hear you when you talk into your coat."
Daybreak: "What if...what if he doesn't like me?"
Me: "He's Santa Sweetie, if he liked me as a kid then you are a shoe in for the nice list."
Daybreak: "Really?"
Me: "Cross my heart and hope to drink milk."
Daybreak: "I believe you. OK, I am going to talk to Santa."

She frowns in determination and strides forward, looking as if she were marching to war instead of telling the mall Santa what she wanted for Christmas. Me and Eva can't look at each other because we know we'd crack up laughing if that happened.

Santa: "So little miss, have you been a good girl this year?"
Daybreak: "I think so. Although my mommy says I'm per--pre--precoash..."
Santa: "Precocious?"
Daybreak: "Yes! Wow you're smart Santa."
Santa: "Why thank you."
Daybreak: "You're welcome. So since I've been good does that mean I get to tell you what I want?"
Santa: "Yes I do believe it does."
Daybreak: "Goody. I only have one thing to ask you for..."

And this point she leans into his ear and starts whispering while looking back at us every few moments. Finally, she gets off his lap and heads over to mingle with the group of kids playing and sucking on free candy canes. Seeing as how Daybreak was the last child at the moment, the Santa waved us over.

Santa: "Do you know what she wanted?"
Eva: "Considering how she kept looking back at us, I'm assuming we're involved somehow. But for the life of me, I don't know."
Me: "Me neither."
Santa: "She told me that all she wanted was for her 'Mommy' and 'Papa', you two, to be with her on Christmas morning. She told me that if that happened, then she knew I really must be real."
Me: "Since we planned on being together for Christmas that is no problem."
Santa: "Good. Listen I've done this for about 15 years and I've talked to a lot of kids. The ones who don't want some new toy or the like are few and far between. Don't disappoint her."
Eva: "We won't. Merry Christmas Santa."
Me: "Merry Christmas Mr. Kringle."
Santa: "And a merry Christmas to you both as well. Remember, 'he knows.'"

Doing The Best I Can

I hadn't planned on posting this week as between my test tonight, planning a Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, a new research project, and finalizing my plans for this weekend, I've been stretched a wee bit thin. However I felt I should share something with y'all.

Allow me to admit something, I have bouts of pretty low self-esteem. Which means that I have trouble believing people when they say good things about me. I'm better about it than I used to be, but I can never be called egotistical.

After our mini-Thanksgiving; me, Eva, and Daybreak were on her couch under a blanket. Daybreak had fallen asleep sitting on my lap while me and Eva were talking quietly. I never realized I was doing it but I had started stroking Daybreak's hair and humming.

Eva just watched me, smiling.

Me: What is it?
Eva: Just enjoying the scene.
Me: What scene?
Eva: You and Daybreak.
Me: I'm still lost here.
Eva: You are very good with her for someone who thinks he would be a horrible dad.
Me: She deserves a better one.
Eva: In her eyes, there couldn't be a better one. And I'm starting to agree with her.

A Letter To Eva

Dear Eva,

Six months ago tomorrow, you lost all common sense decided that you really did want to date me and it wasn't just a passing bit of insanity. Where has all the time gone?

I tried to fight against you liking me.

I remember back in May when I tried to explain why you shouldn't date me. You sat through my explanations, held my hand when some old emotions resurfaced, and nodding to show you were listening. You then placed a hand on my cheek and thanked me for being honest. I was waiting for you to put me out of your life.

It never happened.

I was sure you could do so very much better than me. Someone more attractive, someone funnier, someone nicer, someone not as dorky, just better all around.

You were amused at how terrified I was to meet your family. I figured your mom and little sister were flukes, no way my luck could hold out. Strangely enough your family seemed to like me and your sisters and mom have actually accepted me. I look back on how nervous I was for that Myrtle Beach trip and have to shake my head. Sorry for being such a spaz Hon.

I still need to thank Imogen for finally getting through my stubbornness the night of our first date. Had she been there, I wouldn't have to confront feelings for you (at least not at the moment) as doing so was a frightening prospect back then.

You've somehow managed to not get fed up with me in six months. How, considering that I like to tease, is a mystery.

You and Daybreak have become such a large part of my life in such a short amount of time. It seems like just yesterday me and you were just friends who helped each other study for ridiculously difficult psych tests. Now we've actually talked about the possibility of renting a townhouse together, even though it's been vetoed at this moment in time.

You constantly tell me that you are sure you had made the right decision in liking and later loving me. I thought I was going to jump out my skin when I felt you kiss me on the back of the neck that night.

I want to make this work. And I'm brave enough to admit I'm scared that I will screw up this relationship. I can't help it.

For some reason you think I am a wonderful person and I suppose that all I can do is try my best to prove you right.

Then last night you admitted you would actually like to marry me. It wasn't a proposal and you weren't expecting an answer but it still changed things. When asked, I told you that had you actually asked me to marry you I'd have said no for now.

Remember that I also said for now.

The future, after all, has yet to be written.

I have seen you at your best and your worst. I've seen you with no makeup and bedhead to looking like you walked off the cover of a fashion magazine. I've seen you in tears. I've helped take care of you when you're sick, massaged you when cramps or stress set in, and tried to listen and help with your problems.

I love that you can make me smile and laugh. I love that you are willing to listen and genuinely care what I have to say. I love that you can and will tell me when you think I am wrong and try and help me get on track.

You have helped to teach me to trust in myself and I don't know how to repay you for that.

You carved out a space for yourself in my heart.

Even when I tease you and sing annoying songs just to get them stuck in your head.

I only do it because I care.



Love,

Kendall

Wednesday Workshop: The Day My World Stood Still

It's that time again, folks. My assignment from Mama Kat this week goes as follows:

5.) The first time you...

It was tempting to put the story of my first kiss here but I'm not up for embarrassing myself today. I'll just say that I was dense and leave it at that. So instead I chose a day that snowballed events to where they are now.

Most dads consider the first time their child calls them dad or some equivalent one of their landmark moments. I'm no different, even if my moment was unorthodox.

5...4...3...2...1...

It was Eva's backyard; she, Daybreak, and I were sitting on a blanket in the grass. Me and Eva had our psych notes out quizzing each other, while Daybreak used my back as a steady for her colouring book. I was about to ask her what the signs of sociopathy in children are when Daybreak says clearly, "Papa, can you move? You're not in the Sun."

I froze. Eva looked to the small blond perched on my back. "Daybreak, who are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Papa."

"Daybreak, I'm not your papa."

She moved to sit down in front of us and tilted her head to the side. "Why not?"

Her mom took up the explanation when I couldn't. "It doesn't work like that Sweetie. Kendall is our friend. "

The first bits of tears were welling up in her eyes. And with every one, my heart hurt just a little bit more.

She looked me in the eye and asked why I didn't want her either. I sat up and hugged her. "I can only be your friend because you deserve a much better papa than me. You deserve the best."

Small arms wrapped around my neck as she started to cry in earnest. I heard her mumble "really?" into my shoulder. Eva was stroking her back and as I was telling Daybreak yes I noticed Eva giving me a strange look.

She ended up crying herself to sleep that afternoon.

That was the middle of April. I was terrified that this little girl adored me so much that she would want me to be her dad. A little tidbit about me folks, I more often think with my heart than my head and I love people quickly. This was no different.

I told Daybreak she deserved better than me. That makes my job simple to figure out.

I have to become better.

Memetic Mutation Parte Dos

I got tagged to do a photo meme by my friend J over at Little Miss Optimist

Because I'm a bit slow, she gave me the rules very simply. Open up the picture files on your computer, choose the 4th folder, and then the 4th picture. Because I'm not quite stupid enough to post a picture of me drinking a Heineken, I changed my rules. I went to my 5th folder and opened the 5th picture.


This is Eva (with all the bleach washed out) sleeping on my couch with her laptop halfway laying on top of her. I think I had just gotten Daybreak tucked into my bed when I go back into the living room and find this. My poor little nursing student was all tuckered out.

I tag Diane, Cayman's Girl, Dee, Tiff, Mindy, and anyone else who would like to do this.

Basking in the Afterglow

Well, that caps the end to another wonderful Halloween. I hope everyone enjoyed themselves with whatever (if any) plans they made. Before I get to the good parts of my own recap, I have a question. Why is it we no longer have flashlights while trick-or-treating? Seriously folks? Eva and Daybreak were both in white costumes and we still had a flashlight while I carried a glow stick around my neck. It would seem like common sense should dictate...

dark costume = the thought that I need something to show people I'm here.

I was carrying a sleeping Daybreak when we saw the blue lights of police sirens. As we got closer, we could see a man being given CPR on the curb while three feet ahead a truck had wrapped its front end around a stop sign. Safety first, folks.

Aside from hoping that man would be OK though, our night was fantastic. Although I did have a mild panic attack.

We were making one of our last house stops when we notice Daybreak is getting sleepy. Since my car was still a few blocks away, I just held her as we walked. One woman, in her late 20s at the oldest, sees me with a little girl in a ballerina costume with a woman dressed up as a witch with her arm around my waist and laying her head on my shoulder.

Woman: "Aww your daughter is so cute."

Me: (not thinking about what I'm saying) "Yes she is."

Eva: (trying not to laugh) "Thank you Ma'am, but now we need to get her home and to bed."

When she has Daybreak buckled in the booster seat, she finally looks at me and asks, "Your daughter?"

As she voices this question, I had my jester's hat off and was in the process of cleaning the makeup from my face. In a moment that was pure Kendall for the world, I stab the paper towel I was using right in my eye in surprise. I think quickly and when I realize what she is referring to, my eyes widen.

This is not the first time I claimed Daybreak as my daughter without thinking about it. Maybe my subconscious and my heart had claimed her long ago, they were just waiting for my head to catch up. Looking at her small form sleeping, I knew it didn't matter.

I looked Eva dead in the eye, and said. "Yes."

The smile that drew from her was quite simple one of the brightest I had ever seen.

After cleaning up from breakfast this morning, we did a count of how much a haul we scored last night. Eva gave up trying once she got to 200.

Daybreak: "Papa, you're our good luck charm every year now."

Me: "Stick with me Kiddo, and we'll score enough candy to last until the next year."

Daybreak: "Mmm me like. Mommy, can we have some now?"

Eva: "After lunch, yes."

Daybreak: "Awww, that's no fair."

Me: (whisper) "We'll sneak some later."

Eva: "I heard that!"

Ah good times, makes me look forward to next year. Now I need to wait out this sugar rush and then head to my hometown for the weekend. Take care everyone. Please try and avoid the diabeetus.

"When I Get Where I'm Goin'"

With my 21st birthday creeping up on me slowly but surely, I feel like Atlas. With graduation only 46 credits away, I feel like all the air is being sucked from the room. At the risk of sounding like a whiny college student, the future scares the living daylights out of me.

The weird part is that it's not the job market that scares me. I know teachers are needed everywhere and with Teach For America, I shouldn't have too much difficulty making it in the door.

It's not the election. No matter who wins, although I've made it fairly obvious who I voted for, the world will go on either way. Is there very high potential for rough times? Yes but America's a tough old broad and she won't give up without fighting with all the grit she has.

It's not the idea of being independent from my parents that scares me. Emotionally, I've been independent since I was in my early teens. Financially, I have been since about July. So that isn't it either.

In my heart of hearts, the one I hide behind smiles and a seemingly easy-going nature, I know what the problem is. I just hate admitting to it.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a family of my own. Despite everything I've seen and gone through, I still want to believe in happily ever after. No matter how much my mind tries to pull life support on that hope, it has yet to die. I'm realizing now that it likely never will.

I was dancing with Daybreak while she stood on my toes when she looks up at me and asks, "when are you and Mommy going to give me a little sister?" I very nearly tripped but caught myself at the last moment. A sister? While I managed to say "I didn't know if that would happen" and act OK on the outside, on the inside was another matter entirely.

While Eva was helping Daybreak change into the new outfits she received for her birthday, Eva's mom pulled me off to the side and asked what my plans were regarding Eva. I had an idea as to where she was going with this but decided to be diplomatic and said I didn't want to move too fast.

She looked at me for a moment before telling me, in an almost chiding tone, not to let fear rule me. Before I could even ask what she was talking about, she told me to think about it then strode off to talk with Eva's older sisters who were sipping wine coolers.

When I was changing into my clown costume later that day, I found a single index card in my pocket. In Eva's mother's handwriting, it said:

"Do not be afraid to live, to laugh and to love. My daughter and my granddaughter both trust you so trust in yourself to have the strength to follow your heart. It won't lead you astray.

Know that if and when the time comes, you have my blessing."

Earlier this morning, Eva was curled up against my side while Daybreak was using my chest as a pillow. And looking at them, I realize I do treat them like family. I felt Eva move closer and smiled.

Do I know where I'll be in the unknown future?

No.

And thinking back to the morning, of watching two of the most important people in my life sleeping...the unknown doesn't seem so ominous anymore.

Quite honestly, I'm...dare I say it...looking forward to what tomorrow brings.

No One Should Be Lonely...Not Even Scarecrows

This was a conversation that took place when Eva and Daybreak came by for breakfast before we went shopping for Halloween goodies throughout Chapel Hill.

Daybreak: "Papa?"

Me: "Yes Daybreak?"

Daybreak: "Are you gonna have a scarecrow for Halloween?"

Me: "Most likely, why?"

Daybreak: "No reason, just askin'. Mommy?"

Eva: "Yes Honey?"

Daybreak: "Are we gonna have a scarecrow?"

Eva: "Yes, why?"

Daybreak: "Can our scarecrow and Papa's scarecrow be together? That way, they're not lonely."

So I present to you, clothed and accessorized from the Good Will for under $30, Izzy and Lulu the Scarecrow

Speak Out Series: Eva

(Note From the Management: The opinions expressed in the Speak Out Series are those of their individual writer and not necessarily shared by myself. The only influence I have on this is showing them how to post and letting them use my password. Thank you.)




First, allow me to introduce myself. I am the Talented Miss Eva and yes, I am the one crazy (read: desperate) enough to date Kendall. Just kidding Sweetheart.

I'll answer a few questions you may have about the picture to the left before we get started tonight. Yes, they are real. Yes, I am a natural blonde although I will admit that I added bleach to it shortly before I left for that trip. No, you may not check the carpet.

Now that my preamble is out of the way, we can get down to the meat and potatoes of this little post of mine.

"I hope people realize there is a brain beneath this hair and a heart beneath these boobs" - Dolly Parton

As you can see, genetics were quite kind to me in the bust department. Although on my more cynical days, I think they're a case of "too much of a good thing". Don't believe me? Well, we will just have to see about that.

Once upon a time, there was a nine year-old girl with a dream to become a professional gymnast. She wanted the glory, the recognition, the ability to travel the world. She had practiced as much as her mother would allow since she was small. Before her eleventh birthday, she would win several regional competitions and place at the state-level. Then along came puberty. At age 13, wearing a 32B and showing no signs of stopping, she was told that she did not have the "appropriate figure" to compete. Crushed, she left competitive gymnastics for good a few months short of turning 15.

I don't look back on that period of time fondly, even if it was over six years ago. I had never hated my body until then and probably would have delved into Anorexia had my mom not been on the lookout. Even with her making sure that I stopped before I got to that point, I still cursed my body with everything I had. Especially my breasts.

It was early in the summer of 2003 and I had gone shopping with my older sisters in Greenville, NC. We were walking out of Bath & Body Works when a sharp-dressed woman stopped us to ask if we would be interested in modeling. I didn't stay in it in long, but I have to admit it did rebuild my confidence in my appearance. Plus, what kind of girl would I be if I had turned down getting paid to play dress-up?

Now it's October of 2008. I'm a nursing student at Duke University, with a three (soon to be four) year-old daughter in tow. Let me repeat that, Duke University. I graduated from high school pretty damn high in the pack, not as much as say Kendall or The Bait but still impressive. Did I mention that my tuition at Duke is fully paid for because of the GPA I maintained at the community college I went to in order to save money? So, with all that in mind, will someone please tell me why I'm treated like a bimbo so often?

A recent example would be going to pick Daybreak up from the day care center last Friday. I had just gotten out of a seminar, still dressed in a business suit with power pumps and all, when I notice my gas light has popped on. I go to the Kangaroo and as I want something to drink, I go inside to pay. These two old men (I'd say they were in their early to mid-60's) were talking about Sarah Palin. I passively listen to them as I find a diet coke and make my way to the cashier when one of the men notice that I seem to be listening and nudges his buddy.

Man: All the while, staring right at my chest "Hey Earl, that little priss is listening like she understands anything about what goes on the world. What's the world coming to these days? Pretty girls like her just don't know their place anymore."

His buddy, Earl, laughs himself into a coughing fit.

It took every ounce of patience and self-restraint I possessed not to verbally castrate them. In my head, I could hear my mother telling me to be polite to my elders like a mantra. After a few moments, I calmed myself and left.

I really fucking hate stereotypes. I may love my boobs now, but dang if they're not more trouble than they're worth at times.

Sincerely, The Talented Miss Eva

What's A Dad?

Is it bad that I don't have a clear example of what one should be?

Then I read the above statement and realize what an ungrateful little shit I am being. I had several father-figures.

• The Twins: Two of my great-uncles who taught me all about life from my seat in their barber shop. They were the ones who taught me to shave, drive a car, maintain it, play basketball, and to be a good citizen
• My Grandpa: The man who showed by example what a husband should be. Some of the happiest memories from my childhood involve him dancing with my grandma around the kitchen to "Hello Dolly" or me sitting against his legs while my sister sat in my grandma's lap and we would watch All In The Family or The Andy Griffith Show.
  
• Gianni Churnelli: My former boss who became part of my family throughout high school. This is the man who nurtured my love of cooking and who would be my sounding board for when I opened a restaurant of my own. I had a graduation ticket set aside for him but he died a week and a half beforehand.
  

I will be the first to admit that I have issues with my dad. My sister has even more. Years of little to no interest in my life got me to the point where his opinion is largely worthless to me now.

For as long as I have been old enough to think about it, I have been scared shitless at the thought of being a dad myself. Hearing things like "mirror, mirror on the wall I am my [father] after all" certainly did not help matters in the least.

Leap forward to now and I have a little girl who has decided in her heart and her mind that I am who she wants as a daddy. She decided this a month and a half before I even admitted to liking her mother and two months before we were dating. I near had a heart attack the first time she called me Papa.

My first thought was 'oh fuck.'

Me and Eva sat her down and I explained that I couldn't be her daddy but I could and would be her friend. She asked me why couldn't I be both.

At the time I had no answer.

It was around this time that I found out the exact details of what happened between Eva and Daybreak's dad. He freaked about a month before her due date and split town. Eva is left as a single teenage mom. Cut forward about four years and several failed, suspiciously short relationships later when I come in.

For the first two months that me and Eva dated, I grew more and more frightened by the fact that Daybreak saw me as her father. It's like the more time she spends around me, the more she becomes me in miniature.

For example:

Daybreak: A, B, C, D, cookie monster.
Eva: You little fruit. You know what comes next.
Daybreak: E, F, G, H, I, J, K, cookie monster.
Eva: Where in the world are you getting that from?
Daybreak: points behind her
Eva turns to see me trying to hide a picture of Cookie Monster behind my back. She picks up a pillow and starts chasing me around the apartment.
Daybreak: Mommy! Don't beat up Papa without me!

She works with me until it's more amusing for her to turn on me. Like I said, me in miniature. I'm so proud.

So to my green-eyed little monster, I love you.

Poo On Them!

Yesterday was supposed to be a fun day of me spending time with Eva and Daybreak. Walk to go see Igor as the theatre is only four blocks from their apartment and then go to Ben & Jerry's. The movie was funny and Daybreak has now asked for a stuffed version of Igor for her birthday.

It was a nice scene. Daybreak was holding our hands with me and Eva on either side of her. Me and Daybreak were talking about what flavour of ice cream was better, strawberry or chocolate. Just as I am getting her around to the wonders of strawberry, Eva breaks in with this line:

"There is nothing like vanilla ice cream on hot apple pie."

Green eyes meet brown and we came to an accord. Vanilla was clearly superior this day.

Now I've learned something about Daybreak. Even if she has her own food, she will want some of yours. If you deny her, then she will get creative about it. She was trying to lick some of Eva's vanilla cone when she stopped and looked at her mom like she had a question.

She starts looking at the table more than us and slowly asks a question that broke my heart to hear.

"Mommy, what's a nigar lover?"

Eva turns wide eyes to me and I slowly try to reboot my brain from its 404. I was praying in my head that I heard her incorrectly. So I ask where she heard that.

She tells us how during the movie, she heard these two old harpies talking about how wrong it was for a sambo and his trashy nigger lover to be together. These were not her exact words but they were close enough that we both understand what those women had meant.

We had to explain to a child, not even four years-old yet, that some people would not like me and her mom together.

Daybreak: So people don't like you and Papa together because Papa's black?
Me: Sadly, yes.
Daybreak: But isn't it good that you, Mommy, and me aren't all the same? It makes us not boring. They shouldn't call you names.
Eva: Yes it does Sweetie.
Daybreak: Grandma likes you and Papa. Aunties Three like him. Why don't other people?
Me: Because they're blind.
Daybreak: Well poo on them!

She then proceeds to crawl into my lap and give me a very sticky ice cream kiss on the cheek. Turning to face the rest of the shop, sh proclaims she loves her Papa and that anyone who didn't like it could go eat poo. Please note that this was at the top of her lungs.

One older woman actually came up to us and said we were raising a very smart child who other people could learn from. Eva looks right at me and says, "yes we are." The rest of the night passed without incident.

As she was helping me make breakfast for Eva, she looked up from the pancake batter she was mixing and said that she hoped one day people could be happy for me and Eva like she was.

I love the way children think.