You're Not A Guy, You're A Kendall

I'm a wee bit old fashioned. I'll admit it.

I was raised by an 80 year-old Spanish woman and two lesbians, so I grew up...oddly. Of those three, only one is still alive but sadly moved back to Boston in January.

Because of them, I am a very polite individual by nature. Until the time I was 15, I would stand whenever a female left the table. I kid you not. I always say please and thank you and I use the words sir and ma'am a lot. If I am walking out a door and I even see someone who might use it as well, even if they're 20 seconds away, I will stop and hold it for them. I can't help it.

I did not know quite how to take it when The Ginger told me I was too nice when I held the door for someone.

This also applies to my relationships.

I couldn't do a one-night stand. I'm not even sure I could pull a "friends with benefits" type deal. I highly doubt it. Cheating is out of the question.

Maybe rape did have some positive effects. I don't see sex as just something to do nor do I try and sleep with everything in a skirt. Despite rumours to the contrary. I need to love someone to be intimate with them. I spent far too long thinking of myself as used goods to cheapen the act.

Is it really that strange for a 20 year-old guy NOT to sleep around?

Eva was amazed that it took me as long as I did to get to that point. I remember one particular fight over the summer where I tried to explain to her why I didn't have sex with her and how it was not because I did not find her attractive. I just...wasn't in love with her yet.

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them."

Am I naive?

Maybe.

But I like being able to look in the mirror and not see "used goods" anymore.

The Day The Innocence Died

Eating lunch with a group of my Bio classmates, we somehow stumbled upon the topic of frat parties and date rape. The girls shared about how they never let their drinks out of their sight while us guys talked about keeping an eye on our female friends. The conversation had moved to more pleasant subjects when one jackass from the table over makes the comment that any one stupid enough to be raped, had it coming.

Please allow me to explain something. I think rapists are the scum of the earth along with child abusers and murderers. So when this guy said this as if it was common sense, I had to fight down the urge to throw down right there. Thankfully, The Ginger had to have a death grip on my wrist so I wouldn't make a move.

In the urge to protect one of my secrets, I quickly calmed myself down. Apparently not quick enough. The Ginger pulled me around the corner and asked why I took what that guy said so personally. I felt exposed. I stamped out (barely) the tremor in my voice as I told her that it was personal to me.

Why?

Well because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. One day in the early fall of 1996, my innocence was obliterated behind a neighboring house. I was held down by four guys who decided to have some fun with the kid who thought he could run his mouth to them.

Two things I took away from that experience.

1. Adults are useless. I remember going home and doing what I could to clean myself. I remember my mom asking how my day was. I said it was OK. Showing just how much she knew her oldest child, she believed me. I think that's when I gave up on her.
   
2. Sex is pain. I was terrified of sex for most of my life. I thought of myself as used goods until Tinkerbell held me and told me that couldn't be farther from the truth. I was stunned. She knew I had been raped and still thought I was worth something? I'm sad to say but it made no sense to me that she would not turn me away at that point. That night, I got over my fear of physical intimacy for good.That night, I finally cried.
   

For so many years I carried so much rage in me. No 8 year-old should ever know what it is like to want to see someone dead. I did not share this with anyone until I was 19 and I didn't share the full story until I was almost 20. Then with Tinkerbell's help, I learned to let go of the hate and forgive them. Which was far more difficult than it sounds.

No one ever ASKS to be raped and to think such tripe goes beyond ignorance into inhumane territory. If you yourself are a victim of rape or any type of sexual abuse, I urge you to seek help somewhere either from a professional or from a highly trusted friend or relative.

You are not alone.

You are not worthless.

You DID NOT DESERVE IT.

Remember There Is Help...There Is Hope.

Of Seeds And Swallowing

Today Frizzle thought it would be beneficial to ask the class where they thought babies come from. Let the hilarity ensue!

"There's this giant cabbage patch that picks up the orders from mommies and daddies. Then a seed as big as I am turns into a baby."
"How does the baby get to the mom and dad then?"
"I don't know, the mailman I guess."
"That's stupid!"
"OOOOOOOOH! I'm tellin'! Mrs. Frizzle, he said a bad word!"

"The stork!" - 14 kids gave this answer, when I was 6 I largely knew that babies at least came from their mom's stomach. I had no idea what the vagina was. Which leads me to a rather mortifying story.

I walked into my parents' room as a child of about six or seven to find my dad had left a porn on. I was entranced. Best part was I distinctly remember seeing a woman giving a guy a blowjob. Now keep in my mind I was a child and had no idea what sperm was, so when I saw some kind of juice running down her lips I came to my natural conclusion...

"Mom, do you swallow Dad's pee too?"

Were you told one of the baby myths or did your parents tell you relatively straight? Please do share.