I Just Wanna Get Off

And in my typical fashion, I caught the innuendo as soon as I typed that.

Ahem, anywho. For those that have been reading my blog, I'm sorry that I haven't been up to snuff lately. I've come down with a bad case of LIFE recently. The doctors are still unsure whether or not it is terminal.

Don't feel like I'm singling you out blogging friends, I've been largely MIA from Fbook, AIM, and Twitter for a while. With all I have going on right now, my internet life has suffered. Hopefully the load will ease up shortly.

With the semester ending in two weeks, professors have got the bright idea to load us down with work on top of the studying needing for final exams. Two research papers, a drama production, a final in Bio lab, and then four final exams.

Were this not enough, I got the bright idea in my head to work 35 hour weeks from the week before Thanksgiving until classes start back up in January. I want to crawl in a hole and die.

I don't eat. I'm barely sleeping. And as I was shaving this morning, I found 3 grey hairs in my goatee. GREY?! I know that with the cold weather I have to use my cane at times but seriously. I'm too young for this shit.

A panic attack is imminent. I can just feel it creeping closer until I'm in full meltdown mode.

Sorry for the mini-rant folks, I promise that I will be back soon with something much more positive. Either the letters to Santa my students are writing or something equally...holiday-esque.

Happy trails!

Yes I Have An Accent; Is There A Problem?

Being stereotyped is nothing new to me. I'm a black guy standing at 5'11 and about 190 lbs, it's something I long ago learned was going to happen. Stereotypes regarding my appearance I try and let just roll off my back, it's difficult but it's better than becoming bitter right? I long ago lost count of how many times I've had women cross the street from me in fright if I'm walking at night but that's a whole other post in itself.

So in my 20 years of life I have never had this happen.

I was serving two guys and a girl about my age and as I asked them what they wanted to drink both burst out into laughter. I was confused.

The girl said it was good they were giving people from the area jobs near campus and freeing up for students for studying.

Hold the phone.

Pasting a shit-eating grin on my face, I explained that I was a student and this was how I paid for my bills and rent.

They looked at each other in shock and the guy had the balls to ask me to show my student ID. I flashed it and they asked if I was a student, why would I have a southern accent? The other guy said he didn't know they allowed hicks in.

So because I grew up in the country, I'm not intelligent?

I guess that 3.8 GPA is just pity then.

Who knew?

A Public Service Announcement

Folks, I've worked in restaurants off and on since the summer of 2003. I would like to think I have a good idea of what I'm doing by now. That being said, I don't necessarily need you to nitpick at every little thing in our restaurant.

When the hostess on duty tells you that it will be a few minutes for a table to be cleaned, she isn't giving you the go ahead to sit down. If you see me clearing a table, don't assume it's free yet. That is rather disgusting. If you do perform the preceding action, do not ask me to please hurry up and then have the cojones to look at me like I'm holding up your day.

Then there is tipping. Tips equal a waiter/waitress's lifeblood. I long ago learned how to smile at someone despite how annoyed they made me. I make sure you and your party always have drinks and that your food is out as soon as possible. I joke around to make your stay more enjoyable. So when I come to start cleaning off your table, I hate to see only dishes and used napkins left behind. This makes me think it is not worth it.

Speaking to the guys out there, if the female waitress repeatedly tells you to stop hitting on her and then you proceed to grab her wrist we will escort your ass out. If you try and fight me on this, I will not be gentle on doing so. Oh and don't threaten to try and get me fired because I moved out of the way of your fist. The fact that my boss laughed in your face should prove how stupid that is.

That concludes this PSA. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you.

The Pursuit Of Happiness

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” - Anonymous

On Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at approximately 11:00 PM EST Barack Obama was declared President-Elect and many in the nation exploded into jubilation. After months of wondering if this country, only 40 years removed from the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, would elect a biracial man as her president, it felt like we had come far. It seemed as if America was more united than she had been since that nation-changing Tuesday morning seven years ago.

I personally was on what could easily be referred to as an election high for almost the next 24 hours. Nothing could bring me down.

You'd think I'd have learned by now that fate is determined to prove I am her bitch. Yet my stubborn ass just keeps trying her. Obviously, I have a masochistic streak and enjoy learning my life lessons from the School of Hard Knocks.

Ask and ye shall receive.

I am speaking of course about California's Proposition 8. I had been on my way home from class when I get a call from Ruth telling me the results.

My heart dropped somewhere in the vicinity of my left shoe and a great deal of the optimism I had been feeling turned into inarticulate anger. I remember having to count backwards in Spanish just so I would not let loose a stream of profanity in public.

Hearing my own congregation speak on how we should support the passing of Prop 8 actually made me leave during Mass. I could not sit there and listen to Father Oaks, someone I have come to respect and trust, say that it was not an attack on the homosexual community but a defense of marriage. Nor could I hear the rationale that marriage was always intended to be one man and one woman.

Oh really? So I'm just imagining the stories of Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon? All of whom had multiple wives and yet are touted as men we should aspire to be similar to. I despise hypocrisy so please do not waste my time using it to strengthen your argument.

Furthermore, where exactly in the Bible does it condemn same-sex marriage? I've looked extensively and have yet to uncover a single verse that expressly condemns a loving, monogamous relationship between two people of the same gender. In fact, look up the story of the relationship between Daniel, David, and Ruth as an example.

As for Prop 8 not being an attack on the homosexual community, that is akin to claiming Jim Crow and the Apartheid were not attacks against those of colour but merely to protect the stability of the nation. Then some have the nerve to claim that gay couples are still afforded all kinds of rights. Even some moderates say that civil unions should be enough.

Does the phrase "separate yet equal" mean anything these days?

In four states, it is expressly prohibited for lesbians and gays to adopt children and even in the states where it is allowed, there is a myriad of rules and prohibitions that make this very difficult.

Imagine that your wife has just died. You are sick with grief and the worry that your adopted child will be taken away by the state. Then have that same child die in a car crash barely two weeks from her fifteenth birthday. Now nearly a near later, you are pregnant with twins and seriously considering marrying your girlfriend. And every day, you feel ill worrying what might happen to those children should something happen to you. This is Mami's life.

I was asked why I care so much about Prop 8 when I myself am straight. You want to get personal, fine, we'll go personal.

Growing up, I learned fairly early in my childhood that I could not depend on my parents. My mom had too much work to do and my dad...well, he couldn't really be bothered to care. As horrible as it sounds, I was fairly convinced that family was largely useless. I thought marriage was something only the older generation (like my great-grandparents) could make work.

You say you want to protect the children?

As far as I am concerned I was raised by Rose and Mami. They have always done whatever they could for me. They took an interest in my life and my happiness. I will never forget me calling them my family for the first time and the crying, smiling mass of limbs we were on their pool deck that night years ago. They were the only people under the age of 70 who wanted to protect me.

I was overcome with emotion when I saw that they had long thought to legally adopt me. Those papers were proof that someone somewhere wanted me as their child, something I had long doubted. I am proud to call them my moms and would have been prouder to still to have that recognized by the state.

Were it not for them, I would see marriage as a crock of shit. So how can it be that they and those like them are destroying the institution?

I don't understand.

It's a strange parallel when just shortly after my parents had their first birthdays, anti-miscegenation laws were rendered to be no longer in effect. These laws had been held to protect the sanctitiy of race. Now four decades later, we worry about the sanctitiy of marriage.

Daybreak, with all the innocence and clear-sight of a child, has said it best when she said, "no one can tell Auntie Imogen (who is her godmother) that she can't get married. She should have a happily ever after too!"

Sweetheart, truer words were never spoken.

So it is that I must temper my excitement in the wake of President-Elect Obama's win. We have come so very far in our short history.

This is true.

However, the passing of Proposition 8 also shows that we have so very far to go.

I will not give up hope though.

Los Gemelos Nuevos deserve to have their family acknowledged and supported.

Imogen and Ruth deserve to have the right to get married should they choose.

For that to happen, we must acknowledge and stand by the fact that marriage is a right, not a priveledge.

In 1967, then Chief Justice Earl Warren wrote in the decision of the Supreme Court Case Loving v. Virginia:

"The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men."

If not now, then when?

"Yes We Can."

Dear Senator Obama,

Before anything else, I offer my condolences to you and your family for the loss of your grandmother. From what I know she was proud of the man you became which is all we can really hope for.

On this the eve of election day, I can imagine you are being swamped by mail from everyone spanning adoring fans to vitriolic critics. I doubt you will even read this yourself but that will not stop my sending it. I want to get these words out there. I need to.

Tomorrow the majority of Americans will hit the polls and vote, deciding which candidate they believe will best lead this country in the next four years. Which is a wonderful thing. Every single citizen capable of voting should do so. Suffrage is not only a right; it is a responsibility. So no matter which candidate a person votes for, I am happy they are doing their duty. When I was 14, my Civics teacher said a sentence that has stayed with me to this day. "If you don't vote, don't complain."

I remember watching the Democratic Presidential Debates last July and thinking either Senator Clinton, Senator Edwards, or yourself would be the presidential nominee.

Sadly, I must recognize that this presidential election has brought out the worst in many of us on both sides. I may be voting for you but I do not see why that makes so many of your supporters defame and demonize Republican voters.

I can respect John McCain. I may disagree with him incredibly but I believe that he has what he sees as America's best interests at heart. I admire the fact that he and his wife took in a 3 month old girl from Bangladesh. Along with his service record and rather affable personality. I see no reason to hate Senator McCain and I do not really see that changing.

I have heard you called a racist, a socialist, a terrorist, even the Anti Christ. I've heard McCain voters referred to as racists, idiots, rednecks, and all manner of nastiness.

Sir, I believe with all my heart that you can truly take us into the new century. I want to see the wounds in our foreign standing healed. I want the title of American to be something to be proud of again. I want to be proud of my country and secure in the knowledge that the head of my government has my best interests in mind.

No matter what the outcome, I thank you. You have become the embodiment of change to a tired and angry people. So win or lose, I believe what you have done will resonate through the generations regardless.

There are so many issues that concern me, it is enough to make my pulse race and head feel light and full of cotton. I stress as I wonder if decades down the road, I will be able to have social security as a fallback. I look at nations like Great Britain and wonder why we cannot have nationalized health care as well. I feel the anger well up in my stomach when I look at my friends and know that should they want a family, it will be an uphill battle from the start because they are both women. I hear people look at peace in the Middle East as lost cause and know in my heart of hearts that it will take time and successful diplomacy. I despise the helplessness I feel when I watch the shame on the face of one of my students because her family can't afford new clothes. I look forward to the day when we are not reliant on gas and where alternative energy sources are considered more than just a pipe dream.

I look forward to a country where people of all ages, cultural, social, and economic backgrounds, religious beliefs, sexual orientations, educational backgrounds, and abilities are fully included and participating in society. A country where each and every one of its citizens is supported, accepted, and valued.

Tomorrow our world will change. Just what it will change into it has yet to be decided at the moment. Soon we will know who the next President of the United States will be. Many months of travel and sacrifice and tears and pain will tomorrow be vindicated.

In 2016, I want to be able to look back on 8 years of peace, equality, and prosperity. As someone who is increasingly thinking like a father, I want to be able to afford to both send my daughter to school and make sure she has health care. I want her to grow up to be very proud of her country and how it really is a land of hope for all people.

So on the eve of this historic election, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for standing up. Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for believing we deserve better and convincing us of the same. Thank you for sacrificing time with your family to campaign for what you believe in. Thank you for giving us hope. Thank you for giving me faith in politicians for the first time. Thank you for being who you are and having the willingness to share that with us all.

Respectfully,

Kendall A.

"Will You Be My Neighbour?"

Here's the skinny. I'm walking home from work when I notice a man of about middle age across from a jack-o-lantern display. I would have turned away and kept walking were it not for the fact that he carried a large white sign that proclaimed DO AWAY WITH HALLOWEEN. Even better, he very very much resembled Fred Rogers.

For those of you who are new here, I love Halloween. It's even more exciting than Christmas to me. So saying I was a tad disturbed by this would be an understatement. After the debacle with the two McCain supporters, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.

You would think.

So yet again I meander up to this protester and ask him what issue he takes with this holiday.

Kendall versus the Protester. Take Two. Ohhhhh...LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMBLE!

Me: Excuse me Sir, but what does Satan have to do with Halloween?

Mr. Rogers: It is a Pagan holiday and has no place in a Christian country.

Me: I suppose that logic makes sense were it not for two things.

Mr. Rogers: And what would those be, young man?

Me: One, this isn't a Christian country. Two, one of the biggest holidays of the Christian calendar started off as a pagan holiday.

Mr. Rogers: Son, words change meaning all the time. Christmas is no longer a pagan holiday. I personally do not see the good in it from a spiritual or mental point of view.

Me: I think Halloween has become our one holiday where there is no better meaning. It's just meant to be fun.

Mr. Rogers: On that we agree, however, I don't feel comfortable with the fact there is nothing to really celebrate. It's merely an excuse to scare the dickens out of other folks.

Me: I can respect that stance. I've known families who would do other things on Halloween since they didn't agree with it. But now that I think about it, I think there is a greater lesson to Halloween.

Mr. Rogers: And what would that be Son?

Me: That no one should take themselves too seriously.

And the Mr. Rogers look-alike chuckled at that one, agreeing on this point. We ended up chatting for a few more minutes until I said I had to go.

Me: Sir, may I ask you a question?

Mr. Rogers: Go right ahead.

Me: Will you be my neighbour?

Mr. Rogers threw his head back and laughed. He looked at me with a smile and said, "I get that a lot."

So today I learned the meaning of Halloween. Or puzzled it out I suppose would be more accurate. At least it's better than waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise. Poor Linus.

The moral of today's story? Don't take yourself so seriously. If only for this one night of the year.

And in the spirit of that lesson, I shall leave you with a rather appropriate song from my favourite movie of all time.




Happy Halloween Folks!

The Day The Innocence Died

Eating lunch with a group of my Bio classmates, we somehow stumbled upon the topic of frat parties and date rape. The girls shared about how they never let their drinks out of their sight while us guys talked about keeping an eye on our female friends. The conversation had moved to more pleasant subjects when one jackass from the table over makes the comment that any one stupid enough to be raped, had it coming.

Please allow me to explain something. I think rapists are the scum of the earth along with child abusers and murderers. So when this guy said this as if it was common sense, I had to fight down the urge to throw down right there. Thankfully, The Ginger had to have a death grip on my wrist so I wouldn't make a move.

In the urge to protect one of my secrets, I quickly calmed myself down. Apparently not quick enough. The Ginger pulled me around the corner and asked why I took what that guy said so personally. I felt exposed. I stamped out (barely) the tremor in my voice as I told her that it was personal to me.

Why?

Well because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. One day in the early fall of 1996, my innocence was obliterated behind a neighboring house. I was held down by four guys who decided to have some fun with the kid who thought he could run his mouth to them.

Two things I took away from that experience.

1. Adults are useless. I remember going home and doing what I could to clean myself. I remember my mom asking how my day was. I said it was OK. Showing just how much she knew her oldest child, she believed me. I think that's when I gave up on her.
   
2. Sex is pain. I was terrified of sex for most of my life. I thought of myself as used goods until Tinkerbell held me and told me that couldn't be farther from the truth. I was stunned. She knew I had been raped and still thought I was worth something? I'm sad to say but it made no sense to me that she would not turn me away at that point. That night, I got over my fear of physical intimacy for good.That night, I finally cried.
   

For so many years I carried so much rage in me. No 8 year-old should ever know what it is like to want to see someone dead. I did not share this with anyone until I was 19 and I didn't share the full story until I was almost 20. Then with Tinkerbell's help, I learned to let go of the hate and forgive them. Which was far more difficult than it sounds.

No one ever ASKS to be raped and to think such tripe goes beyond ignorance into inhumane territory. If you yourself are a victim of rape or any type of sexual abuse, I urge you to seek help somewhere either from a professional or from a highly trusted friend or relative.

You are not alone.

You are not worthless.

You DID NOT DESERVE IT.

Remember There Is Help...There Is Hope.

"I Have A Dream Today"

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.

On August 28, 1963, a pastor in his mid 30's, gave an awe-inspiring speech to over 250,000 civil rights supporters from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. He expressed his desire of a future where black, whites, and other groups could live together in harmony. That man, of course, was the Reverend Dr. King himself.

I grew up on stories of the Million Man March. The Godmother has shown me pictures of her, Uncle E, and Aunt J on the lawn of the Lincoln Memorial that day in August. My Grandpa told me stories of Klansmen coming by one day to cause his father trouble when he was a boy on their farm. I've heard the stories of the Civil Rights Movement from people who lived it. People who always reminded me to make full use out of every opportunity afforded me as things were not always so.

In the 45 years since Dr. King shared his dream, things have changed greatly. The fact that I write this as student at the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill is proof positive of that. However, we still seem to struggle when it comes to how we treat people in our everyday lives.

Mom: "Have you voted?"
Me: "I went earlier today after class."
Mom: "Did you vote for Obama?"
Me: "Can you really see me voting for a Republican?"
Mom: "Good, you should see our neighbors now. It must drive them crazy that we're voting for him."
Me: "That's because our neighbors are Republicans for some reason. One I don't really pretend to understand. I'll have to ask next time I come visit."
Mom: "The only reason they're voting for them is because they're white and don't want to see a black man as President."

I remember last year when people said race would not be an issue in this election. I also remember thinking, "if only that were true". My mom cannot conceive of any other reason why someone would vote for McCain other than they're racist. Is this true for some? Experience tells me yes. But I can't believe it holds true for every single McCain supporter. If that's true then apparently The Bait, Tinkerbell, Dolly, Pippi, and a vast majority of the people I go to church with are all closet racists.

I flashback to last week and to how put off I was when that woman decided the only reason I was voting for Obama was because he was (half) black. I try and explain to my mom that I'm not going to assume that's the only reason a white person would vote for McCain. She came right out and said I had no idea what racism was like.

I remember being called a halfie and blue-eyed monkey as a kid for my eye color.

I remember one jackass telling me the only reason I made it into Advanced Placement classes was because I was a nigger who needed a helping hand.

I remember my first, and only, blind date looking disgusted upon meeting me and uttering, "oh, I didn't know you were black."

I remember Tinkerbell telling me about how her father said he'd rather she be gay than date a black guy.

I remember the many, many arguments I've had with my Grandmother over the fact that I trust a white person enough to date them and should know better.

I remember my cousin expousing how much he hated the white man and all he represented and wondering how in the world I am related to this man.

I remember the time a woman threatened to pepper spray me because I was walking back from a test at night and was trying to move past her to the lot where my car was.

I remember going to a certain music store that was fairly crowded when I came in and being watched like a hawk the entire time I was there in the fear that I might steal something.

I remember the rage and despair I felt as I had to explain to the girl who is increasingly becoming my daughter, still shy of four years old, what the term "nigger lover" meant.

Oh yes, we have come far since the days of Jim Crow. We have come far since 3 little girls died at 16th St. Baptist Church. We have come far since Little Rock. We have come far since the sit-ins and boycotts.

But I know we still have a ways to go.

Some people would tell me that it will never change. That people will always judge based on appearance. I have to hope for something better. The alternative is to become that which I rebelled against since childhood. That outcome is unacceptable. I believe that it can change. I don't see racism as "just natural". I believe we as a species are better than that.

I have a dream that one day racism will be a thing we will look back on and uniformly see it as something the ignorant people of the past held onto and something that has no place in the future.

I have a dream that one day the words nigger, cracker, chink, spick, and all other slurs will never be heard again.

I have a dream that one day I will be able to walk down the street in old jeans, a black hoodie, and hat with my hands deep in my pockets and not have a single person wonder what I am up to.

I have a dream that one day people can see each other's worth based solely on their words and actions and not look to race to explain why good or bad things happen.

I have a dream that one day we will all believe "all men are created equal."

I have a dream today.